How can I find finacial help so I can fight for custody?

[kla32]

Here is my story:
I have a six and a half year old daughter from a woman I dated at one time, however was not technically dating when she got pregnant.  After my daughter was born she did not allow me to have her at all.  The only time I could see her was if her mother was with her.  We went to court when my daughter was 9 months old and I was given visitation of her every other weekend.  This wasn't great, but at the time I was ecstatic to just be allowed to see her!  The following spring after my daughter had turned 5 (her birthday is in January) I attempted to go back to court to get more custody of her.  I felt like I was missing out on so much of her life and wanted to be able to more involved and have more of a connection with her during the week versus a phone call here or there that her mother would allow me to have.  Anyways, we went through the whole mediation process and such and her mother would only agree to allowing me to have her one extra day a week.  Even her own lawyer made comments to her during mediation about allowing me to have more time with my daughter, but it didn't help.  I didn't want to accept only one day and was ready to go to court and let a judge decide, however then came the big issue.  My lawyer advised me of the cost that it would be and basically told me that there would be no way I could afford to follow through with it.  So yet again I was forced to settle with a less than wonderful situation.  After it was all said and done I ended up having to pay an extra 30 dollars a week in child support bringing it up to almost 500 dollars a month and am allowed to have her every Wednesday evening and every other weekend.

I am not trying to completely trash my daughters mother here, but she is not the world's greatest mother.  She has worked maybe 3 years out of my daughters life and within that time had 4 different jobs, never full time.  She has a second daughter (a 1.5 y/o)  by another man who she is not with.  When her second child was 3 months old she moved in her now fiance.  Since my daughter has been born she has lived in 5 different places. 

I just want to know what do I have to do so I can afford to get help so I can see my daughter more.  8 days a month just does not cut it, especially when her mother is so uncooportive about allowing me to see her any extra.

Thank you in advance for any and all help.

[Momfortwo]

How long ago was the mediation?  If it was recent, you probably won't be able to get the parenting time changed since you agreed to it and there has been no significant change of circumstances. 


The time to fight for it was during the mediation.  And if you weren't happy with what was being offered, then in court.  Since you settled, you are going to have an even more difficult time getting it changed.

[MomofTwo]

You have to prove a change in circumstance and how this change you are asking for is in the best interest of the child.

Nothing you have said, another child, her bf, etc... are reasons to change custody.  Her not listening to her laywer doesn't mean anything...you hire a lawyer to advise you - ultimately it is your decision to take that advice or not.

If nothing has changed, the courts are highly unlikely to change your custodial arrangement. 

[Vicky]

My husband just went through mediation with his ex and their 7 y/o. Of course there is a laundry list full of examples of how crazy and messed up his ex is, but honestly that doesnt do anything. The mother has to literally be out on the streets, drugged up, or not getting the child to school before the courts will give custody to a father. It sucks, but that is the way it is. Because if my husband could get full custody of his daughter just by his ex being crazy and VERY unstable, he would have full custody now....

Like the other poster said, if your mediation was recent there isnt nothing you can do. You agreed, that is that. Judges dont like to see people who have "buyer's remorse" after the fact... that is what our lawyer told us.

Really the only thing you can do is see your child per your parenting plan and NEVER miss a day... and just to see what happens offer to your ex to pick up your child even if its not your day, the only thing she can say is no... but that shows effort and you want to see your child.

If she is refusing your days PER your parenting plan then she will be in contempt, file a motion and haul her ass to court! If she is in contempt then she should be ordered to pay the court costs.

Document EVERYTHING! Every visit, time, phone calls, money spent, pick ups, drop offs, EVERYTHING.

Also get yourself a copy of Divorce Poison by Richard A. Warshak.

Good luck!

[grtdaddy]

My husband just went through mediation with his ex and their 7 y/o. Of course there is a laundry list full of examples of how crazy and messed up his ex is, but honestly that doesnt do anything. The mother has to literally be out on the streets, drugged up, or not getting the child to school before the courts will give custody to a father. It sucks, but that is the way it is. Because if my husband could get full custody of his daughter just by his ex being crazy and VERY unstable, he would have full custody now....

Like the other poster said, if your mediation was recent there isnt nothing you can do. You agreed, that is that. Judges dont like to see people who have "buyer's remorse" after the fact... that is what our lawyer told us.

Really the only thing you can do is see your child per your parenting plan and NEVER miss a day... and just to see what happens offer to your ex to pick up your child even if its not your day, the only thing she can say is no... but that shows effort and you want to see your child.

If she is refusing your days PER your parenting plan then she will be in contempt, file a motion and haul her ass to court! If she is in contempt then she should be ordered to pay the court costs.

Document EVERYTHING! Every visit, time, phone calls, money spent, pick ups, drop offs, EVERYTHING.

Also get yourself a copy of Divorce Poison by Richard A. Warshak.

Good luck!

i wouldn't take this advise to heart, it is completely untrue. If you wait a long time to get more of a shared parenting plan then it can become much harder to change anything. You can always demand another mediation, remember the longer you wait the harder it will be to change. How can one think it is in the childs best intrest to not have both parents in their life with significant time? If you are in California you really need to go back to mediation and or court. BTW I am a father with SOLE physical custody of a 7 year old and the mother is not drugged out or on the streets. I am just the better parent, but even then she gets visitation. I would keep talking to lawyers, because it sounds like you just got money hungry lawyers trying to force you to make a deal over one that is fighting for you on and your child. I would call your child everyday, and document everything like refusal of phone calls etc. parental alienation is a big deal and by law a court can not allow that to happen.

[Vicky]

I was just going on how our lawyer was acting about my husbands situation. He flat out told us that the courts would not reverse custody just because the mother is a b*tch. There is parental alienation going on with his child and the mother, and we do document everything. So maybe there is some hope that one day he will gain custody.