In need of some quick advice!!!

[gamecock99]

I took my exgirlfriend to court on June 25 because she would not allow me to see my daughter after we split in mid march.  The judge gave me two visits, two hours a week, unsupervised in which I pick the child up from my ex's home and bring her back.  He said that after 30 days of these visits, we would meet again to schedule my overnight visitations.  On my first visit, my ex was very agitated and would not even speak to me during the exchanges. 

On my second visit, in which I was accompanied by a family member, she was very polite and cooperative.  It was the same way for the next 4 visits in which I was also accompanied by a family member.  The visits after this, I had no one to accompany on my visits and her original nasty, negative attitude returned.  She acts as if she hates the fact that I get to see my daughter and goes along with the visits like someone is holding a gun to her head.  She absolutely hates the fact that I am involved in my daughter's life. 

Since I started going on visits alone, she has been fabricating stories and lies that I assume is to use against me and try to make me look bad.  For example, she sent me and her lawyer an email about me entering her home when I come to pick my daughter.  She said that I have entered her home twice without knocking and uninvited in which I have not.  She doesn't allow our daughter to eat french fries and has accused me of giving them to her. 

I feel that I could give them to her if I wanted, but I know how my ex feeds her and I try to respect that.  She has said that our daughter comes back from dinner time visits hungry implying that I am not feeding her properly.  She said I bring her back with scratches and rashes.  She says she tries very hard to communicate with me but I am unwilling to do so which is completely untrue. 

On every exchange, I am as nice and polite as I know how to be despite her nasty, negative attitude.  She says that she called me during one of my visits to tell me something I needed to know about our daughter and I didn't answer my phone.  She hasn't called my phone since March.  These are just a few examples.  The list goes on.  It has been 49 days now and I'm still not getting my overnight visits.  I contacted my lawyer and he contacted my ex's lawyer about the possibility of scheduling the overnight visits without having to going to court. 

After a week, he hadn't heard anything, so he scheduled a hearing which is scheduled for a week from now.  Today, my ex and her lawyer decide they want to work out an agreement.  They suggested increasing one of my 2 hour visits by 2 hours every other week for the next 4 weeks.  Then start scheduling overnight visits in the middle of September.  I do not want to agree to this.  It's already been 19 days past the 30 that the judge ordered.  I know she is just trying to be in control of the sitiuation and have things her way to the extent that she can. 

She acts as if our daughter is more her than she is mine and treats me as she would a baby sitter.  She asks what all we did on the visits, what I fed her, where we went, and so on.  She totally hates the fact that I get to see my child and is trying to delay my overnight visits.  I have already fully prepared myself with the neccessities to care for my child overnight and I have almost run out of patience with all of this. 

I feel defenseless against the lies and stories she is fabricating.  What can I do?  I'm waiting on my lawyer to call me back now.  I know he is going to say that if we don't agree to their proposal, it may look bad to a judge.  Any advice? 

[CuriousMom]

I'm at the tail end of the custody battles but I can share with you what I experienced over the past 3 months.  Until you have a temp or final custody order in place, unless your ex and you agree on some overnights, she can deny it and ignore your requests. Doesn't look good for her but at this point she isn't obligated.

In regards to her accusations I would document everything and maybe a friend or family member could be present for awhile just to witness what happens.  Another burden for you but could testify if needed.

I have just gone through the feeding issues with my ex, my son continues to come home hungry and it is very infuriating for me.  Per my attorney's advice we started using a feeding log to track the times and amounts of feedings.  During our pre-trial conference my ex was court ordered to also video-tape these sessions as proof he was doing what he was putting on paper.  So far, that hasn't worked well as he picks and chooses what he decides to email showing my son was fed.  They are 10-second cell phone clips.  I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would be probably be upset if I had to do this, but in my case it's what is in the best interest of my son.

[Kitty C.]

Two suggestions:

ALWAYS take someone with you for exchanges and video tape the exchanges in full view of the BM.  It will change her tune in a hurry.......

Also, since the judge stated that you would come back to court after 30 days, stick to that.  Then let the BM try to explain herself in court........

[awakenlynn]

If you can't have anyone come with you, I would try and set up a video recorder to record your pick ups and drop offs (make sure the date shows up on playback) and a voice recorder (check your state laws) to record the actual meetings. 

If she is claiming the child is injured during each visit, see if you can take pictures at the end of each visit to show the child is fine, if the child does get injured make sure you document it.

Keep a journal just for your visits and document everything that way when you take it into court your can say, "jane" fell off her bike and such/such date and scraped her knee and you would have a picture to show.

Keep all other communications written so you have proof of what is discussed.

Good luck