Torn between 2 States and 2 Lawyers!

[iLUVmySD]

Brief History:

BM and my Husband were never married.  My husband took care of his daughter for 1 year before BM filed for Child Support in 2000 and won.  And for 1 year after that he continued to be the primary caretaker while still paying the BM.  Then he moved in 2001 from NV, where BM still resides, and moved to AZ to be with me, (now the stepmom).

Over the next few years it was a struggle to agree on visitation and such because there was never a Custody Order.  The only mention of custody in any paper work is in the Child Support order where it states that BM is "custodial parent by operation of the law until further order of the court."  BM has used this lack of specificity in the paperwork to wield ultimate power concerning my SD.  BM always has the final say in everything!

Here's where it gets juicy! So BM had a gastric bypass surgery back in 2002.  She has never fully recovered because she did not follow her recovery instructions which ended up in her loosing a lot of her blood over the next 1.5-2 years.  She was so sick that she couldn't physically take care of her children anymore so she called up my husband and asked if we could take my SD temporarily because she was in and out of hospitals not to mention her and her new husband of 2 years were having problems. (They were divorced not too long after.) This was in March of 2004.

Also by this time she has defaulted on the loan of her townhome and is now living on total state support, housing, food, medical.  She then decides while my SD is living with us that she is going to get a federal job which means that the State of Nevada will no longer support her.  She thereby loses her subsidized house and moves in with her mother and much younger brother with her two other children.  The duplex only has 2 bedrooms.

So this was in 2004 and now we are fast approaching 2006 and who still has my SD? We do!  But the catcher is that BM still wanted child support while SD has been in AZ, so she has been getting her child support for NO CHILD!  Meanwhile, my husband and I have been paying for childcare the entire time, and she just started Kindergarten here in August.  And BM rarely calls! I am the one who facilitates most of the contact she has even stayed at our house a few times!

Current Situation:

Anyways, my husband and I have realized that this cannot go on forever.  We could really use the child support he is paying to pay for the child.  We are stretched pretty thin between the new house we just bought, daycare for my SD and our 2 year old son, among other things!

We have gone to two laywers in Arizona that say it would be best to go to Nevada to file for custody because of the existing Child Support order.

However, we have gone to 2 lawyers in Nevada that say it would be best to pursue custody in Arizona.  One of which is the president of the State Bar of Nevada!

The discrepancy lies in the fact that all there is is this Child Support Order.  There is no Custody/Visitation Order.  The lawyers in Nevada say that this means we are free to file for an initial custody order in Arizona, however the Arizona lawyers aren't so sure.

Any advice? Anyone gone through something that might apply?

BM is now reverting to her ultimate power trip again, and we are afraid that she might try to take her back at any moment even though she has no house, no car, and nothing but a job!

[smtotwo]

You've already established residency of sd by proof of the childcare arrangements.

Judges DO NOT like to change the status quo.

File for custody in your state.

Also post to the asksocrateaser board on this one.

Make sure to read and follow all his guidlines.

Good Luck.

[iLUVmySD]

I know my husband has an excellent case to gain custody, but we are just worried that the moment we file and she is served, she will explode.  She will most certainly try to get her back to NV that instant.  And then what?

We're just worried and having lawyers with different opinions is not helping.  We're just scared going into the unknown like this! Especially if the case gets kicked back to Nevada somehow.

[nosonew]

Definitely do it in your state now. The girl has lived there for well over 6 months and is enrolled and goes to school there. No judge is going to change that without proof of major abuse.

Ask Socrates... (follow the posted rules for posting to him) and he will get you on the right track.

Wow... wish all bm's would hand over their child on a silver platter like that!

[iLUVmySD]

So tomorrow we are going to hire the lawyer we've been talking to.  I think though with the way BM has been talking that we need to try to push through a temporary order giving my husband custody until the regular court date.  This seems to be the only way to ensure that BM will not come down to take my SD back to Nevada now.

Does anyone have any experience with temporary orders?  Can we do this to prevent BM from taking her?

[iLUVmySD]

We hired the laywer and they are in the process of preparing to file the Temporary Order to give custody to my husband on the basis that BM has threatened to remove my SD from us and therefore this jurisdiction.

I'm just really on edge and cannot think about anything else.  Our time schedule has been really cut short because our family is supposed to drive up to Nevada to visit my husband's family and to let my SD visit her BM for her winter break.

What I am worried about is that if we do not get this Temp Order in place before we leave and BM takes my SD for her scheduled visit then she decides not to give her back, we are out of luck.

On the other side, if we do succeed in getting the Temp Order in place before we leave then BM will know about it and there might be a chance that she will not return my SD after her scheduled visit.  So would it then be okay based on this concern to say that BM cannot see my SD while we are in NV?

Anyone that has any experience with Temp Orders, please offer advice if you have it? Thanks!