Should I send copies of all my letters to the court?

[NYParent]

I was reading through some sample letters on this website and I noticed that they suggested that you CC the court's county clerk and asked that the letter to be made part of the permanent file.  That this was good so that the judge can see your efforts and be more familiar with what the other party is doing.

My question is, should I prior to going to court make copies of all the letter I have sent to the X so that it can be made part of the file? I have a lot of them, most dealing with her blocking my access to my child. What do all suggest?

Thanks in advance!!  (Counting down the weeks to have the jurisdiction settled so that we can get to the modification)

[ocean]

You can but really they dont read it....
Better to send all letters certified (with signature..if mother wont sign then just send it registered to prove it was sent). At court have your lawyer refer to each of them and ask you if you sent her a letter regarding the issue. He can put the envelope and registered part into evidence. That way the judge can see it right then...fresh in his memory. Otherwise it will be just in the big pile of paperwork. Also, it wont show ex or ex's lawyer your evidence in advance.
Good luck!

[KidsinAZ]

Personally, I would just get proof that you sent it and attach them as evidence to any motion that you file where the letters are relevant.  I think that if you continously send letters to the court, you will just end up annoying them.  And you don't want to do that. 

[gemini3]

I agree with Ocean.  My husband had a stack of correspondence - no one read any of it.  In fact, his GAL even said that anyone who would keep such records must be a control freak.  Of course, how else do you prove that what the other person is saying about you is a pack of lies?

If you're looking to provide proof of access denial - something we did that was very effective was to make a spreadsheet.  It a row for each access date and type, and then a column for each child.  We colored the cells red if access was denied.  It was a very good snapshot of what had transpired, and it didn't require the judge to wade through reams of paper. We had back-up documentation for each instance, and he did ask for some of it, but I think after questioning a few random entries he believed that it was all accurate.  It's quite a picture when you have a whole field of red, peppered with a few white cells for when he did get access.

[Davy]

NYParent

First, I want to ask what is going on with the jurisdiction issue between TX and NY especially considering that NY was clearly the home/jurisdictional state.

About submitting "support" documents to the court.  On contempt action for denial my wife boldly lied saying she never knew when I was going to show up while the date and times were clearly defined in the court order. (It was almost 800 miles one way; TX --> IL).  The court THEN further ordered me to provide 3 day written notice for each access period.

I created a standard typed form with fill-in-the blanks for dates, time, and mail certification number then photocopied each time before mailing the original.  As I'm recalling,  the photocopys along with a summary cover page were included in an Affidavitt attached to the subsequent Comtempt action.

Note the court demanded SIX long months between comtempt filings.  At the next hearing, the court "respectfully" addressed by wife in open court (no swear-in) saying that Davy had fully documented and complied with the court order and pointedly asked why she was not allowing this father to see his children.  Her memorable response was " ... well your honor.  Your order specified 3 days written notice and most the time I got 4 days notice".  One could hear a pin drop as the judge simply dropped his head and eventually murmured "Case Dismissed".

Matters worsened substantially after that .........

[MixedBag]

I got told NOT TO DO THIS by the previous judge in WV.

However, later, during subsequent rounds, letters are what sealed the opinion of the court, so KEEP them that's for sure.

[MixedBag]

Davy....

here's part of it:

http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/index.php/topic,37753.0.html (http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/index.php/topic,37753.0.html)

[Davy]

MB, Hey !

In the situation I described, the documents were considered "evidendary" to prove I had complied with his TX court order and the NCP was not in compliance.  I said that right.  Mother was the TX NCP and I was the TX CP with visitation one weekend a month (as the court said due to travel cost and distance which I paid for). 

The importance of my post was her "memorable response" and the court dissolving the contempt action.

The subsequent hearing was even more bizzarre.  Her attorney verbally motioned to be allowed to withdraw from the case (she was not present) saying " he could not get his client to comply with any court order anywhere ".

[NYParent]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.  I did think that sending every letter to the court was a bit excessive.

Davy- Jurisdiction should get settled once I go back to court in NY in a few weeks.   The judge in TX agreed with me that jurisdiction belonged to NY (which made the EX extremely mad).  The judge in NY already asked me what my preference was (NY or TX), to which I told her NY.  We'll see what happens in a few weeks.

Gemini- The EX doesn't deny me visitation because that's pretty clear on the CO.  She does deny me access to the child through video conference (the child prefers that over the telephone) since that part of the CO only says "reasonable" access.  What I am doing is making charts of all the times I request to "speak" with the child and she denies me.  I am also charting the times I do get to talk and how long I talk for.  Right now I am averaging about an hour a month of access.  Of course the EX believes that this is "sufficient." 

As far as letters, I do have a STACK of them.  The EX does claim that I am neurotic and a control freak, but I have found that letters work well because otherwise she'll claim that I didn't do something or simply lie.  For instance in one occasion she claimed that I didn't notify her with enough time of a visitation (which I did)....made it a point to write me a letter to document my "contempt"....but what happened was that she refused the certified letter.  Of course the letter was returned to me and it was marked refused.  I filed it unopened.

Every piece of letter I send her is certified with return receipt.  It get's expensive, but I'd rather spend that money and have proof that it was sent.

[gemini3]

These situations are exactly why no attorney worth the money you pay them should EVER allow an order to contain the term "reasonable".  It is setting the parties up to be back in court - because everyone has a different idea of what's reasonable, and you can't get a judgement of contempt against "reasonable" if there has been any access at all.

Instead of filing for contempt you should file for clarification, and ask that specific dates and times be added to the order.  You can use your chart for how oftern you request access, and how often it's denied, for that purpose.

For example:

"Father shall have access to the children via video conference on each Wednesday from 7:00 - 7:30 p.m."

That way, if she denies that, THEN you can file for contempt.  But filing for contempt on "reasonable" terminology is a waste of your time and money.  You won't win.