Question about contempt hearing..anybody??

[chickenbubbasmom]

Hi all.. I have posted a few times previous. I am the stepmother of 2 boys, 13 and 9. Dad decided to file a motion for contempt, based on several items in the new order made on 8/19/09, which bm refuses to follow. Specifically, refusing to provide current address and phone number, refusing to provide a copy of her work schedule to dad as ordered, (we believe) not allowing dad his ROFR, and leaving children in the care of her new boyfriend.

I actually have two questions. First, under what circumstances can someone object to a Commissioner presiding over their case?

We have a Commissioner currently residing over our case. The Commissioner  appointed herself to the case for all issues, after they had gone in front of her regarding child support. I believe she saw something was not right with the way our case had been handled by the court up to that point. Going on 3 years, dad only had every other Sunday visitation. Mom continuously made up false allegations to keep dad from having more time, including false tro's and ex-parte hearings.  The Commissioner took over, then ordered an evaluation. The court evaluator was not kind in her opinion of mom, agreed that there was parental alienation, and ordered mom to attend counseling. Dad now has every Wednesday night as well as 1st, 3rd, and 5th wknds. After the last hearing, mom started saying she didn't agree to the Commissioner hearing the case, and more or less stating she didn't have to abide by her orders. We believe she will try to have the Commissioner removed from hearing this contempt motion (scheduled for 11/12/09). I know on the doors to the courtroom it says one can object to the Commissioner hearing a case, but are there specific circumstances; does it have to be initially before she hears any of the case, or can it be at each hearing for the case in question?

My other question, Can we file another declaration before the contempt hearing in regards to that hearing, in order to let the court know of more instances of contempt or bad behavior on mom's part?

Dad sent bm a certified letter return receipt to her mother's address, requesting  information and noting the instances of contempt. We would like to file a copy with the court.

Also, since we filed, we found out bm had signed younger son up for soccer (he was signed up even prior to the last hearing), dad found out when he was told by bm to have son at X place and at x time for soccer game. There was never any discussion, even though games are every Saturday during dad's time. I posted about this previously; dad has been taking the child to his games.

Most importantly, at last Saturday's game their was an incident that we would like the court to be aware of.

Long story longer...We tried unsuccessfully to obtain mom's home or work address to have her served with the papers for contempt hearing. The only other option was to have her served at either the park where soccer takes place, or when dad drops off the children to her. We figured soccer park would be best, since the children are in dad's care at this time. She was served last Saturday, immediately after half-time and not in front of the children, by a mutual friend (someone she also knows and is friendly with). She started calling dad's cell, left a voice mail calling him a low-life and repeatedly saying she wasn't served, that the person didn't tell her "you've been served", and that she didn't know what these papers were but he better try to have her served again. After third quarter when dad was giving younger child his sports drink, she approached and yelled at dad repeatedly that she hadn't been served, then grabbed the drink from dad as well as grabbing the child and told dad" he's not going with you". Child was visibly upset for the rest of the game.

When the game was over, bm held onto the child and refused to turn him over. Child had a birthday party he wanted to attend; dad had been told about it the day prior, but he had explained to the child that we were going to visit his grandparents and cousins after the soccer game, and we had already planned on doing that since his soccer game was finally early enough to allow us the time for that. BM was now using the party as an excuse for not turning over the child, that he was going with her and it was his choice. Dad stated that he was not going to play tug of war with the child, but that he would call the police. She said go ahead. Dad then went and stood behind her vehicle, while she was still on the field gathering her things, and called police.

She approached the car with the younger child and her boyfriend, they got in the car, and she repeatedly threatened to run dad over; she did not turn the car on. I was nearby with the older child as well as our 1 y.o. daughter and the person who had served her. Dispatch told him he could block the car, but if she started backing out best to move. When I approached my husband with the address so he could give it to dispatch, she got out of the vehicle, walked between me and the rear of her car, and elbowed me in the chest as she passed. She turned around and got inches from my face, screaming. Her boyfriend got out and pulled her back. She then went over to my vehicle, telling the older child to give her a hug and kiss. She started yelling at the person who served her as well. When the police arrived, she stated the judge had said it was the children's choice if they wanted to go or not (lie). The police eventually made her return the child, who was crying and refusing to get out of the car.

Similar instances have occurred many times in  the past, and dad has let the child go in order to avoid conflict. The police look at him as the bad guy for upsetting the child, now the child has learned this behavior is acceptable. The children's emotional growth is stunted. The 9 year old reverts to preschool behavior when he doesn't get his way. Within 10 minutes of leaving the soccer park, child was back to normal, and excited to get to his cousin's house. The next day, about 20 minutes before drop off, child gets hurt playing with the baby, and reverts back to angry, negative behavior right before he returns to mom's care. This is typical behavior before drop off, 9 yo either gets hurt or suddenly has a bad attitude towards dad. Mom encourages this behavior and rewards him for it with praise and attention. Older child is considered a bad kid because he does not go along with it and stands up for dad when mom or mom's boyfriend badmouth him.

[chickenbubbasmom]

wow, i didn't realize how long that was...sorry

We are in California, btw

[mdegol]

Well, it sounds like you have been having a hard time with mom. What is done, is done, BUT, I think the serving the papers to mom on the soccer field could have been done in a different way. I am sure you agree after everything that happened. Maybe dad doesn't know work schedule, but must know work location? There are process servers that can be hired for rather nominal rates (also takes friend out of embarrassing incident, PS, that's why process servers usually run after handing or throwing over the papers ). I understand your desire to serve her with the papers, but this was likely a very negative incident for children. Life long memory (depending on how crazy BM is, maybe just par for the course but...). Maybe not worth it??  I mean, this is for the interest of the children, so let's not lose sight of the forest for the trees.

[mdegol]

PS-one way to get addresses is though email. If BM ever sends you anything, there are ways to track that down, through her IP address. Also, shouldn't she have to file her address with the court? Maybe it is in the court file somewhere. You can go to the court and see. Telephone number should be in there as well. Additionally, there are services on internet which you can use and get addresses.

[ocean]

I dont agree, the BM is the one that made the scene she did. Father doesnt need to spend more money when a friend could do it. We have done it ourselves too and we just handed her an envelope and she just took it. Not the fathers fault she cant handle it. By the way...she is served. Have your friend fill out paperwork and get it notarized. Done.

Can you ask the school for a copy of the kids records? I am sure mom put her address on school forms? Also, did you video tape moms actions? Our lawyer told me to take pictures when mom would hold kids from us. Did the police make a report for you? If police say any of it you can call them as a witness.

[mdegol]

Don't get me wrong, BM is the jerk and is ultimately responsible for the incident being a life long memory. Not dad. Anyway, BM would have freaked out at home with kids anyway, since that is her personality. I just mean a more private place than a soccer game, since kids friends were probably there too. Serving papers is something that can be done at other times, is all that I meant.

[chickenbubbasmom]

mdegol.. we would have much preferred to have had her served anywhere else. Dad doesn't have any contact information for her other than her cell phone number. No e-mail address; no work address or phone number; no home address or phone number. She uses her mom's address on the court documents. She failed to file an income and expense declaration after the judge requested one. Dad had sent her a certified letter two weeks ago to mom's address, again asking for this information and no response. So two choices. Either serve her at the soccer field, or serve her upon return of the children. Soccer field seemed more logical, as the children were under dad's care at that time.The friend that served her is more of an aquaintance to mom, but they have always been on friendly terms and we thought it would be better than myself or a family member. It would have been discreet had she not made a scene.

ocean..we have had issues with the schools as well. Each time dad has gone to the school for information, they in turn call mom for permission. Grandmother's address is the one listed with the school as far as we've been told.

I wish we would've thought to have a video camera handy, unfortunately we weren't expecting that outcome, but for future reference it might keep her behavior in check. ..

As far as the police are concerned, dad asked for a report or incident number and they stated they weren't going to make a report, just there for a peaceful exchange. They were in a rush to get somewhere else.

[chickenbubbasmom]

I also find this phrase confusing "best interest of the children". When the police were trying to convince dad to relent and allow the child to go with mom to the party, they sited what's in the "best interest of the child". Really?? What is that teaching the child? And what message is that sending to the mom who continues her crazy behavior having gotten away with it so many times? She is damaging the children in ways they may never recover from. Parental alienation is a horrible thing to witness, much less experience firsthand.

[ocean]

What type of legal custody do you have in your papers? Is it a public school?
There is a form on this site that you can send to the school (and their district office) stating you have legal rights to have the information It works! They dont want to be in trouble with the state ed department. I would send it and also put in there that you already tried at the building office and they refused you the info and called bio mother. That you have the legal right to have a copy of everything in the perm record folder (inlcuding past report cards, incident reports, attendance records) Ask for you own emergency card and fill it out and mail it back to them. Send then a copy of the court order stating you have joint custody OR the part about schooling OR you can try the whole thing and say it does NOT say I cant have it.
Good Luck!

[CuriousMom]

chicken -

Here is a site that you can do a reverse cell phone lookup, http://www.intelius.com/people-search-phone.html (http://www.intelius.com/people-search-phone.html).  You'll have to pay of course ($4.99) to get the detailed information but if the cell phone is in her name you may get her actual address - if she didn't use a family member's for this too.

We've used it at work, it's legit.