BM threatening contempt for returning the child as ordered!

[eagleeyefam]

I interpreted it as if they couldn't agree on a mode of transportation, then air travel had to be done - fully at father's expense.
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This is exactly what it is. If they can't agree then father must pay 100% of the flights. BM will nto agree to anythign other than flights.

[CuriousMom]

eagle -

MixedBag just went thru something regarding travel expenses within the past 2 weeks.  Send her a PM, she may have some valuable information for you prior to Monday.

[MixedBag]

Yes -- I do.

Eagle -- let her file for contempt.

That saves dad as being the bad guy for filing, and I bet the end result will be that DAD gets to choose mode of transportation since DAD has to pay for it.

See -- in the beginning....IMHO -- and even later down the road, courts want the two parents to work things out.  And sometimes we parents are left scratching our heads wondering HOW we're gonna make that happen.  Other parents can make it work, no big deal.

I remember you posting about this whole situation a while ago.

NOW -- let me ask this -- does or did dad ever get into a terrible accident, have any DUI's, has a valid license, you get the drift -- is physcially impaired where driving COULD pose a safety issue and flying is safer?

I bet the answer is nope.

Let her know that you two are driving back.  Chances are also that she's more upset that YOU/SM are coming with him to go to court on Monday as opposed to the actual drive back and that she didn't AGREE to it.

[eagleeyefam]

Mixedbag I was just searching the forums for some of your posts LOL. I figured you'd surface here shortly!

I just read your response outloud. A calm has found it's way into the house for the time being.

Child is up from his nap and BD and I will not ever speak of the court issues in front of him or when he might possible overhear anything. He's too young right now to understand any of it, but it's a good time to practice this rule so it becomes habit throughout life.

I guess we wait and see what happens Monday in court. She will bring it up I'm sure, but then dad can say BM has 3 counts of contempt fro denial of visits.

Will let everybody know how it goes.

[eagleeyefam]

Oh and No DUI's No traffic violations in the last 2 years, valid license, not a drinker,

I'm still searching to see if the retreiving parent gets magical powers just becasue the child was on a plane. LOL

[Kitty C.]

Looks like I'm jumping into this late in the game, but I do have some overall suggestions on how to deal with this PBFH........


LET HER FILE CONTEMPT!!!!!!!!!!!

She's got you feeding right out of her hand, because she knows the buttons to push with you and BD that will majorly stress you out.  Take some time to really read into how she 'operates' and once you understand that, you can take a LOT of wind out of her sails.  I know this can be an emotional issue, but you have to look at it analytically.  In your first post, I thought you were going to jump right out of the post!  But the next time she pulls crap like that, think about it........are you doing anything illegal or blatantly against the CO just to be spiteful?  Or is what your doing totally legal or skirting the edge of the CO because of logistics, finances, etc.? 

If you answer yes to the second question, then let her yell and scream all she wants to.  She does it because she's a bully, pure and simple, and she knows she can get away with it because you let her.  When you stand your ground with a bully, things will no doubt get worse for a while.  Heck, just the court date on Monday will set her off, I bet.....doesn't make any difference what it's for, even if SHE filed the petition.  She acts that way to push your buttons and stress you out, so that you will toe HER line.

But when you keep standing your ground, she will eventually realize that she doesn't have the control over you she once thought she had.  And no matter how long she keeps trying, because she will keep trying (especially when you least expect it), don't feed into and be firm.

Imagine this:  in the court appearance on Monday, she no doubt will pitch a fit about filing contempt for your BD driving back instead of flying.  My guess is that the judge's response will be total incredulous or tell her in a roundabout way that she's full of it.

I just went through this with another poster.  If you know in your heart that you have done nothing SO wrong as to warrant a contempt, then stand firm, blow her off and let her warm up the air someplace else.

I know I go on and on about this, but I HATE bullies.........I've dealt with them for 40+ years in some degree or another, and I'm under 50.  I felt like an archery target.  But when I learned to cut through the bull and stand my ground, I got armor plating....the crap just bounces off now.  And you know what really makes me smile?  Knowing they are that much more PO'd because they couldn't get through!  I leave them talking to themselves..... 

[Kitty C.]

Got another idea on transportation..........

If she still won't budge on mode, offer this to the judge:  50/50.  BD flies down to get child, both fly back, then BD drives child back and then home.  The child flies out and rides back.  The judge canNOT fault your BD for bending so far to compromise.  BUT........don't offer it at the get-go.  First, the judge needs to know what has transpired so far and how uncompromising BM has been.  Because it's possible that he may tell her to go pee up a rope and either SHE pays all the airfare or BD drives it all.  I'm leaning towards peeing up a rope, myself........

Also, go to your nearest law enforcement agency and ask for a print-out of your record.  it's possible that they may charge you for it, but they may also just give it to you if you tell them what it's for.  Make sure the judge gets it.

[eagleeyefam]

Thank you everybody. It;s been a long battle with this BM. Things are much less tense around here now. Dinner and a family game made it all better. Monday will be interesting for sure.

[sillystring]

I don't see any judge convicting the dad of contempt for this...  this is just absolutely ridiculous and will only make the mom look bad.

I agree with pp, let her file contempt and then request that Dad have final say in transportation if him and Mom cannot agree since he has to pay for it.

How far is the drive? Please update us on Monday, I really want to know what happens.

[MixedBag]

drive -- I think she said 6-8 hours in another thread.  Kinda like over the mountains, across the flats, and then back over some mountains.