visitation and alienation!!! Help!

[camsdad30]

I have a son named Cameron he is 10. My ex wife is constantly cancelling my visitation. All I hear over and over again is Camerons sick and if he can't go to school he can't come visit with me. I feel that if she can take care of Cameron then so can I. I don't know what to do anymore. Another issue that I have is she tells cameron everything about our court dates and makes me out to be the bad guy. She has told my son lies about me and is constantly bad mouthing me. If anyone can give me some feed back I appreciate it. Thanks
Michael

[gemini3]

Do you have court ordered visitation?  Is it for specific dates and times?

Your son being sick should not affect your ability to exercise your visitation.  You absolutely have the right to parent him during an illness.

Answer the above questions and we might be able to give you better advice on how to proceed.  There are things you can do.

As far as the bad mouthing - a couple of good books to read are Divorce Poison and Divorce Casualties.  You can't control what your ex does, but you can do some things to prevent it from destroying your relationship with your son.

[camsdad30]

My court order visitation is friday 4:30 to 7:30pm and sunday from 10am to 5 one week and alternating weekends pick him up on Friday at 7pm and keep him til sunday at 5 pm if no school the next day I keep him until 8. I haven't seen my son in 3 weeks because he is sick so she says. When I try to make up my time its like pulling teeth. She is always trying to bargain the time down. I just can't afford getting an attorney everytime. Its just so costly.

[gemini3]

There is a form letter on this site that you can use to document denial of visitation.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.php (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.php)

There is also one that you can send letting her know that you plan to exercise your court ordered visitation.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.php (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.php)

There is also a good article on the whole "sick child" issue.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/sickvisit.php (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/sickvisit.php)

I would push her on the issue.  Let her know that you're capable of caring for your son when he is sick, and that you will be there to pick him up at the ordered time.  Show up and get your kid.  Don't just let her tell you no.

Have you been to court on contempt charges in the past?  What was the outcome?  You might be able to do a show cause without the attorney.

[camsdad30]

I have on many occasions pushed the issue that I can care for my son and she still refuses. In fact she and my son live with her parents and she will have her dad tell me because she can't talk to me for some reason. I have been to court for contempt once and the judge was so close to doing a change of custody. I have a question about one of the court orders maybe you can help me. It says:
Michael (which is me) shall have access to all medical records information, all treating doctors, physicians. Michael shall be allowed to be present for medical treatment unless physically unsafe for the child. All missed visitaion shall be made up.

Isn't my son being sick fall under shall be allowed to be present for all medical treatment? I'm going to start documenting it. Thanks
Michael

[CuriousMom]

You are entitled to be present at his doctor visits, but you should have something in your CO for your protection that she has to notify you of visits within X amount of time, so you are able to make arrangements to attend.   

[Davy]

Michael ... I'm impressed.  You have a better CO than most and you indicated the court comtemplated a custody change.  First time I've seen a CO referencing a "first name" in the body of the order (You must be many miles from Chicago).

I would suggest using one of the forms Gemini referenced as a pattern to "politely tell" (don't ask) the exact date/time missed visitation will be made up and focusing on the child's activities.  Hope you can continue to maintain a good relationship with the other parent.  At the same time, you might consider (absent mafia ties) notifying her parents in writing NOT to interfere with your child.   

[gemini3]

So her dad calls you and says not to come, or he meets you at the door and says that you get the child?

As far as your CO - being present for medical treatment doesn't cover visitation, but unless the visitation section has a clause that you don't get your parenting time if the child is sick she cannot deny you the time.  And you have a make-up clause, which is excellent.

Use the visitation denied letter to request your missed visitation, and the one for itent for upcoming visits.  Send them certified mail, and show up to get your son.

If she doesn't file a motion to show cause on both. 

[camsdad30]

Sorry my computer broke and I haven't been on in a long time. There is nothing in the visitation agreement that says that I dont get parenting time when he is sick. I'm just so irritated. Today is thanksgiving and i'm suppose to pick up my son tomorrow and my ex called and left a message with my fiance. My son is sick and has a fever of 99.0 and she will call me tomorrrow but doesn't think that we can do visitation. Its any little thing. Then if I tell her no I'm still going to pick him up she has her dad call me. Her parents are always calling saying if I want to pick up my son "I'm putting him in danger".

[gemini3]

Ignore them.  They keep doing it because it keeps working.  He is your son.  He needs his dad.  Don't take this lying down.

Go to pick up your son at the appointed time.  If no one answers the door, or if they refuse to let you take him, go to the nearest gas station and make a small purchase to document that you were there.  Then on Monday go to the courthouse and file a motion to show cause.  You can do it pro se.

You should also keep a log of all the times you have been denied visitation since the last court date.  Back it up with e-mails and/or phone messages if you have them.

Usually they'll stop once they realize it's not working anymore.  If not, you'll have to take more drastic measures, but this should be your first step.