visitation and alienation!!! Help!

[Kitty C.]

Camsdad, you need to remove all names asap............not a good idea on a public forum.

Just out of curiosity, do you know how many doctors have treated your son over the years?  Like how many different doctors operated on his ears?  How many procedures have you been present for?  If it were me, I would be at every single appt., exam, procedure, and surgery.

I have to tell you again, your story is just chilling to me and my gut tells me this child is in danger.  Not imminent, of course, but as long as the ex pulls ALL the medical strings, Lord only knows what she'll do next to possibly harm him.

You need to understand that if this is true Munchausen's, then the denial of visitation is just another symptom of it.  Which means you can throw as many letters as you like at her about denial and it will still continue.  You can even take it to court........and they'll slap her hands and it might get better for a little while........but then she'll go right back to the same old routine.  So until you address the 'disease', the symptoms will continue.......

[Davy]

CamsDad

I've been watching your posts and pretty much agree with others.  Your son is at risk and Kitty is right on saying that the denial of access is a symptom of the sickness.  I'm betting the sickness is passed to Cameron's mother from her mother (or father).  BTDT.  By any standard, it appears her parents have far to great an influence concerning Cameron. It is likely that others you complain to will assume the same.

Munchausen by proxy ... personal past study revealed the disease takes various forms and it is difficult to prove.  One case I recall was from a totally disabled adult revealing unnecassary operations as a child.  In another case, the hospital suspected someone giving a baby medications to make the child ill  ... a hidden camera revealed the truth.  Has DCFS had any input to Cameron's medical care   Did an Insurance company aprove/pay for all these medical services  ??  It certainly appears medical standards MAY have been discounted or ignored along the way.

Illinois statues explicitly prohibit access interference ( visitation ).  See the criminal Custodial Interference statues documented in the article index section on this site.  I checked your county (Will) State's Attorney web site and they seem to encourage filing formal complaints and have designated days/times to do so.  Nothing may result from your filings other than give credibility and raise the seriousness of these matters.  Several years ago, another poster reported that Lisa Madigan's office (the IL State Attorney )claimed "we don't enforce those laws".  Pretty bold for the legislature to legislate and the State's Attorney to pick and choose the laws they will enforce.  Do not threaten the complaint to anyone.

Concerning your letter.  you might consider being a little more direct .. "in writing that ANY and all issues regarding Cameron is STRICKLY  between you and I and if necessary our attorneys.  I refuse to speak with your mother or your father unless it is an absolute emergency or tolerate any interference with Cameron's medical care or access to his father.

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  Just so you know  I'm in Tx but my case passed thru Wheaton/Dupage county so I have a feel for your experiences.  MY ex-wife and I or my kids never lived there but her parents (who never lived there) had gained some political influence there.  My Wheaton atty did a great job and was retained  over the phone (from Tx) and have never met him.

I thought Gemini's advice to contact a FR organization was excellent.

Please keep us posted.  Thanks and best to you and Cameron !
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[camsdad30]

Got a call last night from the ex wife all of a sudden my son has pneumonia. She told me that she didn't think that he will be able to visit this weekend either sucks. I wanted to see him. My birthday is on monday too. Apparently I can't treat him because she is the custodial and he has to be in her care her excuse every time. They just gave him antibiotic and he doesn't even have a fever anymore.

I'm saving my money to get my lawyer involve concerning the possibility of munchauen. Insurance public aid has always paid for all his surgeries and no dcfs has never been involved regarding medical with her. I should call dcfs on her because she makes my son take prescription drugs from her parents because her back hurts. She found out my fiance had surgery and called my fiance to ask her if the doctor by any chance gave my fiance vicodin because she ran out. She is so crazy

I will revise my letter thanks.
I wanted to go back and edit my post to remove names but don't know how without removing the entire topic? Anyone know how

[Kitty C.]

I edited it for you, camsdad.  In the future, if you ever need to change a post, just click on the 'Modify' tab just above your post and it will open back up for editing.

'I should call dcfs on her because she makes my son take prescription drugs from her parents because her back hurts. She found out my fiance had surgery and called my fiance to ask her if the doctor by any chance gave my fiance vicodin because she ran out. She is so crazy'

So what's to say that any medications that were actually prescribed to your son she took instead??  If that's the case, then you have the possibility of child neglect.  Munchausen's is felony child abuse......she can go to prison for any or all of it.  Better for your son to not have a mother around than to continue being tortured by a monster.  Yes, by all means call DCFS...they'll be all ears!

As for the pneumonia, call the MD's office who wrote the script, ask him if your son was diagnosed and if so, is he so sick that you can't take care of him THREE/FOUR DAYS FROM NOW.  If the MD says you can, get him to write a statement to that effect and give it to the ex and see what she does.  I bet dollars to donuts she will still refuse visitation, $hit-can that MD, and find a new one that you don't know so she can make sure that doc is in her back pocket.

But keep the note from the MD.....good evidence in court that, even on a professional's recommendation and the actual MD who diagnosed the illness, she STILL refuses visitation.  So then you can prove it's NOT your son's illnesses, it's her vindictiveness.

[camsdad30]

Thankyou for helping me modify my post. I placed a call to the dcfs hotline and I'm hoping they will do something about it. Good idea about the doctor. Cams doctor is a family friend so my concern is that the doctor will side with her. Write back later when I know more

[camsdad30]

Well aparantly my ex wife got my letter and she was mad. She called my fiance after I told her not to. My fiance is a peace maker she tries her best to see if she could talk to my ex and see if we could work anything out without having to go back to court. My ex and my fiance got into an argument about all this and my ex hung up on her. So anyway my ex wife called back like 20 minutes later and apologized to my fiance and according to her wants to work this out because she doesn't want me taking her back to court. So I'm going to see what she has to say tomorrow. I am still concerned about my sons well being and I am still going to save money for a lawyer. When my ex says she wants to work stuff out I don't believe her. I wonder what she has up her sleeve now.

[gemini3]

She probably wants to just delay it as long as possible.  You have a child who has some serious medical issues.  That does not mean he shouldn't have the benefit of both parents in his life. 

Illinois is a one-party state, meaning that you don't have to notify her if you're going to record your phone conversations with her.  I would recommend that you do.  There are calling cards you can get that will allow you to do this.  www.spoofcard.com (http://www.spoofcard.com)  Make sure that you're the one talking to her - not your fiance.  Your fiance really has no business getting involved in these kinds of disputes - just as your ex's father doesn't.  Keep it between you and your ex.

Be aware that anything she says in her effort to "work things out" will be up to her good faith only.  Meaning, you cannot ask the court for remedy if she doesn't stick to whatever promises she makes.  Since she has already shown that she doesn't feel she has to follow a court order, I don't see any reason you should take anything she says in good faith.

[shooter]

I cannot believe you have let this go this long. she really can't do this if your visits are court ordered

[camsdad30]

Gemini,
I totally agree with you. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I don't want my fiance involved and neither does my fiance. My ex always calls my fiance and my fiance has told her not to call and to call me. My fiance and I use to share a phone thats how she got the number. Anyway going totally off subject. I am getting married on 4/25/2010 it lands on a sunday. Either way it lands on my visitation day and I usually get cameron until 5pm. Is there anyway to ask the judge for a special permission to have him for a little longer? I was thinking 8pm. My ex claims that she has no problem with cameron staying til 8pm but like I said I don't trust her at all and I rather have it legal. Is there anything I can do?

Oh I did talk to my ex today breifly I had to go to work and she told me I could pick up Cam tomorrow as scheduled. She told me he is still sick but she is going to try and work with me. Sounds like Bullsh*t but I'm glad I will be able to spend time with my son. She claims she doesn't want to go back to court for cams sake. When has that stopped her before from falsly acusing me and making my son testify. She just can't afford an attorney. Write later