Visitation Based Off Agreements

[Mom0f3]

My DH and his exGF went to mediation and came up with agreed upon visitation and holiday schedule changes.  We are aware that until these agreements are signed by both parents and signed by a judge they are not binding, however up until this past holiday weekend we have not had such a big issue over the agreement.  They had agreed that for the month of October my SS would be visit his Mother every other week Tuesday thru Sunday from 4 to 8 pm unless BOTH parents agreed that he could stay the night with his BM.  My SS would be with us at all other times (every other Sunday from 8pm until the following Tuesday after school at 4 pm) and when he would not stay with his BM.  For Holidays they had split them up and swap every other year, this year we were to have him at noon Halloween until noon the day after.

March Mediation had sent out packets to both parents for them to fill out, sign, notirize, and return to have the agreement put in front of a judge.  My DH turned his in and we are unaware of if she had turned hers in so they could be placed into hard documents.  From the sounds of this weekend we are thinking she might not have signed them or she was just being a you know what.

Anyway my DH called the BM at 8 pm on Friday to get my SS back and she refused to send him saying that since she would not have him for Halloween she was keeping him and that she didn't sign any agreement.  My DH asked her if she isn't going by the mediation papers now and she said no that's not it but she wasn't sending him home.  We called the police but all they could do was go and talk to her and she told them she would give him to us on Halloween.  Well noon comes around on Halloween and the DH calls her, she again refuses saying the agreements aren't binding as is sending the police to her house at night.  She said she would give him to us when she was finished.  We seen each other at the high school and she of course tried to ditch out of there before we could get my SS, however she wasn't slick and it didn't work.

The day after Halloween she was to have him from 4 to 8 pm but she showed up at 12:30 in the afternoon to get him.  My SS and I were gone to an amusement park and my DH told her that she wasn't getting him and he wasn't home since she wouldn't give him to us Friday or at noon on Halloween.  He also told her that as long as the agreement works for her it is fine.  He shut the door on her and she never returned to get him at 4 pm.

I have all this documented, although at this point it's not binding can this look bad on her for not following the agreement. 

[ocean]

Call the courts and see if it was signed. If not go back to the last set of papers and follow those. You will need to file modification again if she doesnt like the last set signed. What do those papers say?

[MixedBag]

You're in a gray period of time..

Your post also confuses me.

You say they agreed -- did they sign?

then you say "March Mediation" -- is that in March OR the name of the company?

How long since they agreed and then kept this verbal agreement?

What was filed in court that caused them to "mediate and agree?"

[gemini3]

why hasn't it been signed off on by the judge if both parties have agreed in mediation?

[Mom0f3]

You're in a gray period of time..

Your post also confuses me.
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]~Sorry didn't mean to~[/HIGHLIGHT]
You say they agreed -- did they sign?
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]~They came to an agreement in mediation.  It was then put on letter head and mailed out to both BM, my DH, and March Mediation.  March Mediation sent both the BM and my DH their own set of papers to fill out, sign, and return to have the agreement be made into a court order.  My DH signed and took them to the office.  March Mediation told him they would notify him if the BM does or doesn't send hers in and that was on October 20th.~[/HIGHLIGHT]
then you say "March Mediation" -- is that in March OR the name of the company?
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]~It's the name of the company, you can google them.  Or I think the site is marchmediation.com~[/HIGHLIGHT]


How long since they agreed and then kept this verbal agreement?
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]~They started mediation back at the very end of August.  They started off that the SS would visit EOWeek after school 4 to 8 pm and return back home unless he wanted to stay the night being he was affraid to be at her house.  Then they returned for their final mediation visit mid September where they agreed he would visit EOWeek during October from 4 to 8 pm and could stay the night if both parents were to agree and atarting November 10th he will visit the BM EOWeek from Tuesday to Sunday.  At all other times the child would be in our care and at our house.  Up until this past weekend which was Halloween the BM was okay with the agreement.  She refused to send him to us when we were to get him on both Friday and Saturday.  ~
[/HIGHLIGHT]
What was filed in court that caused them to "mediate and agree?"
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]~Nothing so far has been filed in court that caused them to go to mediation.  It was illegal actions within the BM house that led the child to come to our house and be with us since June with very little contact from the BM.  I had posted about the issue back sometime ago.~
[/HIGHLIGHT]

I hope I didn't confuse you anymore than before and cleared somethings up.  This whole thing is just a mess and it's driving me crazy, because I do everything and yet she says I'm the bad person and I'm just fronting.

[Mom0f3]

why hasn't it been signed off on by the judge if both parties have agreed in mediation?

That's the thing she agreed in mediation but now she is acting as though the papers that were sent out to be signed she hasn't signed.  We aren't sure if she has singed them and she really didn't give my husband an answer.  All she told him was that it wasn't binding cause she hasn't signed anything and when he asked her if she doesn't want to go by what they agreed on she said that's not what she said.

It's as though she only wants to verbally go by the agreement while it is in her favor and when it is in our favor she doesn't agree anymore.  Not sure how this will affect her and that's what I'm wanting to know.

[MixedBag]

o.k, thanks -- and I went back and found your original posts to try and catch up on everything.

First, I'm no attorney -- just another parent here who has dealt with some of this stuff.  So many parents and families out there, so many different situations, but it's all about doing whats right for the children.

In dad's case, there was a really good reason for the child to come stay with dad -- mom's use of drugs.

Personally, I would have run to the court THEN and filed a motion (request) to the court asking that the son's primary residence be changed to the father.

At the same time, I would have done all that dad has done to this point (started a dialog, gone to mediation,), but nothing is going to happen unless:

1.  Mom agrees.
2.  The court orders it.

IMHO, Mom is stalling.....

IMHO, if dad still feels the same way and can prove why he has this position, then dad needs to also start court action.

Right now the answer to your question is that you have to go by the most recent court order as to where the child lives and stuff.

[Mom0f3]

Yep, we found out today she didn't fill out her paper work to have it placed into a court order.  She's just playing games.