Ex says Parenting Plan is "null and void" due to her medical condition?

[Fatherforever]

My ex wife was diagnosed with cancer beginning of this year, January 2009, she under went chemotherapy and radiation and finished in September 2009. She said she had gotten some legal advice on the subject of the Parenting Plan. She told me that due to her medical condition, the parenting plan was "null and void".  She stated that she does not have to help pay for anything, and can schedule to see the kids, when she wants to. I have physical custody (75%/25%). She hardly sees them even when she IS scheduled to have them. She hasn't paid for anything far before getting cancer. I am looking to modify our child support order beginning of 2010 and put in a contempt motion for the unpaid child care she has refused to pay. She doesn't have a job and has been sitting on disability for the last year... am I even going to be able to get financial help from her going through court? This is really getting bad, she left me with all the bills from our divorce and doesn't pay a cent! (yes, not a cent), since she left. I am barely making it from paycheck to paycheck raising two young boys on my own. Any advice will be appreciated.

Thank you.
~FF

[asof2005]

I believe only a judge can change the order.  If it is an actual order signed by the judge, only a judge can make changes to it.  She is probably just feeding you BS and hopes you don't dispute it.  As unfortunate as having cancer is, I do not believe that is a reason for not paying your support obligation either, if a father who pays CS was in the same position, it would just stack up in arrears. 

[MixedBag]

Sounds like Mom has a "significant change in circumstances" that would warrant a trip back to the courts to make amendments and changes to the original order.

Sound like you, Dad has a reason to go to the court and ask that Mom be held in contempt for not holding up her end of the deal -- mainly before cancer -- with regards to the divorce order.

Tread carefully....I think other folks will be more versed on what I'm gonna say next.  If MOM is getting disability, then would the kids also get something?  And this is paid to the Dad (since he's custodial or has them more), and it gets counted as child support?

Good luck.

[superdad01]

I think if it's court ordered, the support payments would be comming out of her dissability, same as it would for unemployment etc...

They don't cut a man no slack if he gets sick, so I don't see why they would cut a woman slack either.

Go to your FOC and just file a complaint for non-payment of support.

[ocean]

Is she getting disability for the federal govt? (social security disability??). Call them up and see if there is a claim under your ex SS number. Then you can put in a claim for the kids. Her payment will stay the same but you can receive benefits for each of the kids...(the amount depends on how much money she put into the system so far..).

If it is disability through her job then child support can be directly taken out of the disability check.

In NY, you can get the federal money AND child support our of the parents check.

Just go to court with the facts about daycare and just say to the judge you need her to pay her share and that she is getting disability money as income. Dont bring in the emotion, just I have bills I need to pay. Same thing with the child support. Ask that the state guidelines be put in place and the % for two children be taken from her disability check and sent to the state then to you. Ask for the child support agency to open a case then they deal with arrears and get it taken out of her check. Takes a little while to set up but then as long as she stays on disability you will get regular checks.

As for the visitation, stick to the order...(or what you/kids can deal with). She cant change it and since she is "sick" one can argue that she cant take care of the kids in her condition. (I am saying this because she is using her sickness to her benefit...)

[snowrose]

Another vote for sticking with the ordered custodial time for BM.  And BTW, child support has nothing to do with visitation.  Even without paying child support, BM would still have a right to visitation.

As for Disability, we just recently got a judgement for receiving support from BM's Disability over here so it is possible.  We're in Canada though, so the laws may be different where you are.

[Fatherforever]

Thank you! I do have one thing to add, when we signed the divorce papers, there was a deviation in the standard child support worksheets. Because at the time I figured she would contribute her share, we gave her a residential credit, since she supposedly spends significant overnights with the children (haha!) So we brought the child support total to $0 for her to pay each month. Now if I go to court and get it modified... Washington state law says if you make less than $1000 a month your child support is a default of $25 per child. If this is true, I am back where I started with court fees and such!

The other thing is up until 6 months ago, (before my 5 year old son started school) we weren't sticking firm with the parenting plan visitation time. So I have no record beyond 6 months on when she had them. A mistake on my part, considering court will probably not take the "he said/she said" as substantial evidence. 6 months ago my wonderful girlfriend made up a calendar through the end of the year and put in when my ex had them, when she refused, what time she picked them up and dropped them off... etc. But she could go to court and claim she had cancer at the time and couldn't see them.

/sigh

This is a long up road battle...


~FF

[Shanni]

If she is getting disability from social security there is supplemental amount paid for the children. You need to go to Social security office and apply for guardianship of this money for the children since you have custody. If she has not filed for the children you will be able to add them to her disability and start receiving this money, and there is a possibility that you will be given back pay from the start of her disability for the children. The amount is a set amount of 454.00 per month and it will be split between the children.  There will be a yearly form that you will have to fill out stating where the money has been spent but is a very basic form. 

I had to do this for my nephews when I received custody of them.. Plan on it taking a few weeks to go through, but is a very easy process to do.. it will count as her child support but at least you will be getting something from her

[Kitty C.]

It still doesn't change the fact that to make the order 'null and void', a judge would have to sign off on it to make it so.  So unless and until your ex takes it to court and asks the judge to do so (I'd say fat chance on that aspect!), the order is enforceable, period.  So the next time she wants to blow smoke up your backside with that 'null and void' crap, tell her to take it to a judge, then she can prove it to you.

Grrrrrrrrrr...........I have a tremendous amount of compassion for those who are battling possible terminal diseases.....but when they start exploiting it to get what they want, all compassion flies right out the window............

[Fatherforever]

The type of cancer she had was in her foot, so not horribly life threatening and it could have been easily removed if she wouldn't have waited 6 months to get it checked out!

Anyways, the sad truth of the matter is, she actually saw them more when she was going through chemo, than she ever did before that time. After she left us, she didn't see the children for over a month. She would have them for a day here and there, but even then I hated them being with her. She had no car, she quit her job and was living in a household with two other families and her boyfriend (who was the one she had cheated on me with and left me for) I told her that getting cancer was Karma, it was God's way of putting her back in her place, and trying to show her what was important in her life... it didn't work, she's worse than ever.

The point of all this for me, isn't so much the money. Yes, it will make things less stressful when there is a bit of money at the end of a paycheck, but really she needs to get a reality check and being inflicted with a possibly fatal disease did not do it. She needs to decide if she wants to be my children's mother or not and whether she wants to participate in their lives, that's all I care about. You should see their little faces when they hear they are going to see mommy, it almost makes me want to cry when I realize the happiness they feel for her is not shared.

~FF