my situation...

[ben79s]

 the wife and i had not been getting along the best for a while, she had talked about wanting to go back to portland, oregon from where she had followed me to in honolulu, hawaii where i still currently live.  her reasoning for it was that it was too expensive here, that she missed her mom, and that she could not get a good enough job because she wasn't skinny/pretty enough (straight from the horses mouth).

i felt she was just being lazy and not motivated plus she had let herself go since she had our son.  i on the other hand had a very good job at one of the busiest places in the waikiki area that i worked very hard for, on top of that i was working on the side remodeling my parents second home which we were living in while i was working on.  trying to find a job even compairable in a new place during a recession such as we are in right now i did not think was possible, that and i left portland for a reason... i left a lot of things i wanted to leave there so i could start fresh here. 

my wife on her own decided that she was going to move back to portland without me, and started packing while i was at work.  i did not notice right away because our house was a bit of a mess, when i did notice though i told her that she could move if she wanted but our son was going to stay with me.  i then went and laid down with our son because i had not seen him all day (he should have been up but the babysitter that she picked against my objections, because i wanted somebody closer as i do not drive, did not lay him down for naps.

i assume that because he always came home and passed out every day that i was not at work) during this time she left without saying anything, when i noticed she was gone i knew things were going to get ugly quick and decided that i should go into work tonight to say that i needed to meet with a lawyer the next day and would not be able to make it into a meeting for work.  the first time i went down the elevator i had the thought "i should hide my tip money just in case" and promptly went back up to our unit to do so, not before the elevator doors opened in the lobby and i saw a large amount of police cars, i thought nothing of it though. 

after i hid my tip money (in the coffee pot where you put the coffee grinds... smart huh?!) i went back downstairs and found out that the police officers were there for me.  the wife had called and told them that she was afraid that i was going to leave the state with our son and i would keep our son from her.  i was floored just by the fact that the police were there in the first place and the false accusation was just the icing on the cake. after some time we came to the agreement that she was to take our son to a friends house to spend the night and cool off, then bring our son back in the morning before she went to work.

i was not happy about letting my son go with the wife, but the police officer told me that if we could not come up with an agreement on what was to happen with the custody of our son that night, that CPS would get involved "and we didn't want that to happen".  during our conversation i had asked him what was to happen if the wife took our son out of state and was told "it is a class A felony and the feds will go after her" which i found out to be bogus at a later date and time.  i am extremely upset about that because that was a huge factor in letting my son go with the wife that night... that night was almost a month ago.

i have not seen or heard from my wife since then, except for when she called knowing i would not be up and left a brief voicemail she left the day after she arrived in portland saying they were okay and she would call me in a few days.  i have already retained a lawyer, filed for divorce as well as full legal/physical of our son asking for only supervised visits for the wife because i'm not going to let this happen again.

i have heard time and time again that it is hard for the father to get this, but i fear for my son being with the wife in oregon. recently i asked the wife to watch our son while i ran to the store, i asked her to lock the chainlock on the top of the door because our son could unlock and open our front door, she was laying down in bed watching TV and said she would do it in a minute.  when i got home around a hour and a half later the front door was not locked and i went through the house looking for our son, calling his name.  frantically i yelled at the wife to wake up and to help me find him.  after going through our house another time i ran out the the breezeway (we live on the top floor of a 6 floor low rise) yelling our sons name.  a few moments later he popped out of the neighbors condo who lives across the breezeway all smiles and giggles, i found out later that they were gone for the weekend and had left their door unlocked for the property manager to feed their fish (we live on a secure floor in a secure building... everybody is friends on our floor, we only lock the door to keep our son in).

i can't tell you the panic i felt not knowing if my son had fallen off the side of the building, or had wandered off our floor and i don't even know... i had so many different emotions running through my head it was insane.  the reason why he likes the neighbors so much is because they have a lil girl that's a few months younger than him, when i talked to the mom she told me about the wife letting our son wander off a few times at the party because she was not paying attention to him, one time they actually formed a lil search party and found him inside the next door neighbors house.

other than taking our son to the babysitter while she is at work or maybe to the store, the wife doesn't take him out places to to have fun and play. she didn't even take him out trick or treating for halloween because he was sleeping, instead of waking him up she went to bed with him while i was at work,. like i said i don't think the babysitter laid him down for naps.  we live 2 blocks from a beach and the water is always warm along with many parks and the zoo being close. 

i made sure that at least once a week i kept him home from the babysitter so we could go out and have fun (the wife and i worked oppoiste hours that overlapped and had different days off) on top of going out and doing stuff just randomly, i tried to get him out of the house as much as i could, the weather is too nice here to stay inside.  plain and simple i feel that his quality of life will not be as it would if he was here with me, we already  had arrangments with my friend and his girlfriend who wanted to move down here, to have them live with us and for his girlfriend to be our nanny so i already have the childcare issue taken care of. 
what i am really looking for is things i can do to help the courts see that i am the best fit for custodial parent... ideas anybody?! 

also what should i look for in a lawyer as well,. when this one has gone through his retainer i want to see if there is somebody i like more.... he seems way too laid back and doesn't seem too excited to work for 250 bux an hour, for that much i feel i deserve somebody who is going to give 110%... maybe he feels he has this case locked up and isn't so worried about it, but i am fighting for my son here and i will not settle for anothing but the best.   

aloha and mahalo for your help

[MrCustodyCoach]

Those police officers did you and your son a great disservice.

CPS would have done very little if anything.  The child isn't being abused and without such evidence (unless they're corrupt), nothing would have happened.  Further, any parent can take any biological child anywhere they want anytime they want and it's absolutely not illegal.

Did you file for an emergency hearing to obtain temporary custody of the child and have an order issued for his return?

[ben79s]

Those police officers did you and your son a great disservice.

CPS would have done very little if anything.  The child isn't being abused and without such evidence (unless they're corrupt), nothing would have happened.  Further, any parent can take any biological child anywhere they want anytime they want and it's absolutely not illegal.

Did you file for an emergency hearing to obtain temporary custody of the child and have an order issued for his return?

yes... right now they are trying to find her in oregon to serve her