Heading back to court, hopefully for the last time

[FireFighterDAD]

I posted here in the past and gotten so great help.  For some reason my account wouldn't work and I had to register again.  Anyway, my ex wife is again refusing to follow the C&V order.  It's a very clear cut order.  I get 2 weekends per month and the visitation schedule is to be created around my work schedule because, as a firefighter, there are only 2 weekends per month that I do not have to work.  I understand this can be frustrating for my ex wife but it's the job I've had all of my life, which includes all of our married life (20+ years) so she does understand that my schedule is not my choice.  She has access to my schedule more than a year in advance.

She wrote to "inform" me that she will be taking our son to Florida on vacation in May 2011 (he is 13 and school is in session) and she is taking him over the 2 weekends that I would be able to have him for visitation, which means I would not get to see him at all in May.

Per the order we each get 2 vacations per year with him--Summer for 10-14 days and "Other" for 7-8 days.  She states in an email that she is using "10 of her 14 days."  The problem for her is that summer vacation's start and end dates have to be agreed upon by both parties.  I do not agree to her dates as they would prevent me from having visitation.  The "other" vacation would mean that she would have to return with our son in time for me to have one of my visitations--that is why the judge wrote it that way.

I'm willing to compromise and give up one of my weekends, but not both.  My ex wife wants it all her way and won't agree to that.

My counsel has advised me that my ex wife will be found guilty of violating the order (she has been found guilty before).  He has also advised me not to let her run up my bill by having her counsel contact him over and over (that has happened before too).  She asked for his info to send to her counsel and I told her to send it to me and I would consult with my counsel if necessary.

I am really hoping this is the LAST time we have to return to court over something that is so clear cut.  My ex wife keeps saying that the order is "just a suggestion."  I respectfully disagree--it is a legally binding document.  I am so tired of this.  The stress is not anything that anyone needs and I always hear from my children when something like this comes up so I know that she is sharing with them.  Sigh...

FFD

[Kitty C.]

'My ex wife keeps saying that the order is "just a suggestion."

If you go back to court on this issue, make DAMN sure the judge is aware of this comment by her............I'm sure he will remind her that it certainly is NOT a suggestion.

[sillystring]

Haha, my husband's ex also thinks the court order is "just a suggestion". I thought she was the only one...

I hope that this last court date works out for you and the judge sets her straight. Our last hearing is on the 28th of this month so I'm hoping for the same.

Will you be able to get a court hearing BEFORE she actually violates the order or will you have to wait until she actually does it and then file contempt?

[FireFighterDAD]

Kitty, me ex wife actually had the nerve to laugh in the face of one judge.  That judge put a 24 hour jail term in place should my ex be found guilty of violation the order again.

SS, my new counsel is pretty wise and has found a way (will post details after to help others, don't want TMI out there in case she reads here) to address this prior to the actual denial.

Our order is clear cut and I am even willing to give up one of my weekends so the fact that my ex won't accept that and wants it all her way should shed some light on her general attitude towards my visitation.

Thanks for the replies.  I really DO NOT enjoy any of this, despite having a strong case in my favor.  To my way of thinking a document that spells it all out in black and white is pretty simple to follow--especially when one party (me) is willing to compromise.

FFD

[Kitty C.]

'Kitty, me ex wife actually had the nerve to laugh in the face of one judge.  That judge put a 24 hour jail term in place should my ex be found guilty of violation the order again.'

Pray you get the same judge.............she may end up spending a day of her 'vacation' behind bars.........

[gemini3]

I hope so too!  Sounds like someone thinks that nothing will really happen to her if she violates the order.  Unfortunately, that's the case in so many of these situations.  There has to be some sort of sanction for people like this.

[ocean]

You should not be giving up ANY weekend but you can offer to SWITCH weekends instead.
With us: PB shook her head when they were going over holidays and judge asked her why and she said "they are not waking up for christmas at his house ever" ..he told her "both of you are the parents and they will stay with him, go out in the hall and talk to your lawyer before I give him every christmas". This was before me, but DH has the transcript and I could not believe that was in there.

I would LOVE to know what your lawyer did, so please let us know after your case. We have severe PAS with skids and she only got a slap on the wrist when she denies visits.

[FireFighterDAD]

Ocean, I promise that as soon as this is over I will be back to post all details of how my lawyer is swinging this.  I'll admit that when he told me about his plan I was a little annoyed that my first two lawyers never brought it up as an option.  My first two lawyers didn't seem to understand how much missed visitation hurts, particularly when it means things like I wouldn't see my son for 7 weeks.

I will admit to not liking my ex wife at this point--too many nasty things have been done toward me.  Despite that I try to, and have, compromised many, many times so that she can keep her plans.  I do that because I know she tells our kids (the 14 year old and the older two--who are of legal age) everything and puts a very pro-her spin on it.  My kids DO NOT need that.

My daughter actually told me that my ex wife told her to tell the GAL (my daughter was 16 at the time of the divorce) that she would "run away" if she had to live with me.  My lawyer told me that if a child says that it pretty much ensures that the child won't be placed with the parent they threaten to run away from and my ex wife's lawyer would have known that.

Sad, sad, sad.

I really look foward to the day when my youngest son turns 18 and all of what happens between us will be just between us!

FFD

[stressedoutmom]

I truly don't understand people sometimes.  You have been a firefighter for this long I don't understand how she doesn't understand that your schedule is not just going to magically change.  My DD's father is a firefighter so I completely understand the scheduling.  I've heard so many times that her dad should be having her every other weekend and one night a week.  But there is no point of DD being at his house for an entire weekend when he is working 24 hrs of the weekend.  When I had our decree written up he was not seeing DD at all.  But I had the decree written to say 1 night per week and e/o weekend or equivalent days depending on his schedule.  At that point I did not know if he would ever start seeing her or not but I made sure that it was put in writting so no matter how mad at him I got I would still have to follow what's best for DD. 

I can't wait to hear what your lawyer has in store for your ex.  I hope all works out in your favor!

[FireFighterDAD]

Thank you for being understanding about the schedule of a fellow firefighter.  Do we WANT to work 2 weekends a month?  Nope, not most of us anyway.  It's just part of the job.  We were married for 17 years so she knows what it's like and that getting leave is not easy, particularly over a weekend.  With what she's planning she's in clear violation of the order and although I doubt the jail time she was threatened with will every come into play (and I actually don't want it to) she may face a rather hefty fine which would hopefully stop her from thinking that the order is only in place when it works in her favor but it's just a suggestion when it doesn't work in her favor.  I have many emails where she is rude and shows her true colors.  When I point out that she's violating the order because it actually states "visitation is to be created around father's work schedule" she says that the dates for her plans are "set and final" and she tells me "to take leave" if I want to see my son.  This is one unhappy woman.  She doesn't know it but her current husband's (she met him online and had only known him 5 months when they married--3rd marriage for her) ex-wife contacted me on facebook to let me know some things about him and about my ex-wife.  What a huge, drama filled mess.  I'm beginning to think that drama is my ex-wife's drug of choice.  I know attention is. 

FFD