Visitation schedule - really?

[Lindma]

I'll try and be brief here, and outline the main points.

February 2007 - divorce decree finalized and parenting plan put into place. Father gets children EVERY weekend and alternating school breaks

August 2007 - Ex - wife remarries my husbands ex best bud (nice guy huh)

April 2008 - I marry my husband

Oct 1 2009 - we file for reduction in support since husband had a severe reduction in income. We received a significant reduction in support.
Ex wife files for new visitation order. She lied and said that there was "an established pattern that the children only saw Dad every other weekend"  She won.

......dad sees kids everyother weekend.....life is fine......then

February 2010 - kids are told they only have to see Dad "when they want to"
FYI:  supposed to share driving, her husband says he drives the kids enough already, so won't share the visitation driving) We do all the driving - no problem. Not fighting this battle (they only live 30 mins away)

April 2010 - sent ex wife certified mail with "intent to excercise visitation"
           - no response

May 2010 - April 2010:  kids(9 and 12) come over once every two months or so, basically "when they want" Husband calls kids every other day, asks them to go out for a movie, swimming, aquarium whatever. He offers to pick them up from their mother's bring them back to our home, drive them back to their mothers etc. Tries to stay involved as much as possible.


If we file for contempt, we are concerned she will counter that with a "new established pattern" of the kids coming over when they want?  From my understanding, every other weekend visitation is pretty typical. What's worse than everyother weekend, mother gettting full-custody?!? I have no idea.

Is it better to just leave it how it is, or file? Or, call her lawyer and tell her her client is not following the pareting plan?

Just a side note: the ex's new husband was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD (he told this to my husband when they were best friends) Ever since she married him, it's been a gradual push to get my husband out of the childrens' lives. We're both guessing Parental Alienation Syndrom (although this is hard to prove.) Kids are nervous on the phone, have to ask their mom permission to see their Dad. The youngest son (9) WANTED to come over this weekend, and the mother said "no, we have company over."

So lost as to what to do? Thanks for any inpute

[ocean]

Do the intent to visit without asking her...say you will be picking children up, if they are not ready to go, you will file contempt of court papers. Get a police report that mother is refusing. (Here the police tell you to move up the block and they write you a slip of paper...to prove you were there).

Then go to family court and file "contempt of court" paperwork. List the dates that mother has refused to have children ready and that mother gives children the option to come with father, or makes plans for them on dad's parenting time".

She will then have to answer why the kids are not available for dad's visit.

You can send that same letter of intent and try to call her lawyer and see if they can talk to her. Tell the lawyer you will file contempt if she does not have them ready.

If you think counseling with dad and children are necessary, ask the it be court ordered so the kids can hear from an outsider that it is okay to see their dad.

You can file contempt of court papers on your own (here it is free...).

Edited:
Forgot to add...ask for "father requests make-up time for the days he missed, to be given every weekend until the time is made up AND whatever the courts seems fit so this will not happen again plus fathers court costs for future denials"

[Lindma]

Thank you Ocean - great information!

[allforher]

I would definately go with oceans advice and gather your info and file contempt.  From what i understand what is written in CO overrides anythign else, so the Moms in violation and this isnt' a little petty thing, it's valuable time for the kids to be with their Dad.  Good luck

[Lindma]

Phew - what an afternoon.

Just an update. My husband extended the olive branch to his ex via phone call this afternoon (this is not the first attempt by any means)  He said he would like to lay the groundwork for a business relationship with her. He nicely suggested a shared calendar that would benefit the children. She flatly refused. She said she wants ZERO communication, doesn't trust my husband etc, etc. (FYI - she doesn't have a great reputation in the community, which is a result of her actions.)

From the conversation, it is quite clear that her hatred for my husband outweighs the love a mother should technically have for her children.

My husband has been willing for quite some time to establish a working business relationship because he knows that the children will benefit knowing their parents are on the same page, not to mention their mental development.

Question is, now what? Mediation? Family therapy? The oldest child is already in the care of social services b/c mother could not handle her. Talk to them?

I know from the other posts it is suggested to file contempt, but does that really rectify the situation? She'll probably keep breaking the CO
Help

[ocean]

Is she sending kids now?
I would send her a certified/registered letter stating you intend to have all parenting time with kids and if she does not follow the court order then you will file contempt.
Here, they mean business with the contempt charge (although the punishment take a few trips to court...lol).

If you have to file contempt, do it right away (since you already have a pattern that she is not following it plus this next one...). In the contempt papers ask for : make up time, lawyer fees for this time and if mother does not follow courts ruling again she will pay fathers lawyer fees.

Will it work? depends if judge scares her enough..but it is a criminal offense in family court... If she does not follow it, then you file again, and the judge will not be happy...

If you have to file contempt, also file to have children in counseling with father...you can always stop it but you do not know what you will walk into next visit and how much she is telling them. Go and interview a few counselors...takes a few visits to find one that you will like, so you have one for the judge to order.