SOLUTIONS AND METHOD

[Andrew_S]

Hi All,

I have done a dragnet through many of the forums looking for effective solutions to the big conflicting custody issues especially regarding visitation.  All I can say and probably like many of you out there, is this is not an individual experience and most certainly one that is crying out for solutions.  Basically I have done and been through the standard denial stuff, the accusations of child abuse sexual and physical where the courts issue a TRO and place restrictions.   Fortunately I was always cleared and the accusations found to be unfounded.  But I do understand that the way the courts and DV advocates work tirelessly to achieve is to be right once no matter how many times they try, that is all it takes.   

The other standard tactics of course many of us are familiar with, (Is there a compendium somewhere where people can do a check list of the methods used and what they can expect ? After all this has been going on for at least twenty years and the courts have not changed in figuring it out or so it would seem ).  So really there is not much more I can add to some of the stories have many have posted.

I am however looking for methods of presenting the argument to the court in a way that they cannot refute.  I did in my last trial get all the medical records, all the police reports and all the missed visitations along with CPS reports and deposition testimony.  Unfortunately they were all declared hearsay, (yes I used an attorney and he presented them all as exhibits) I did try as a last effort and at great financial cost present what was supposedly one of the top Psychologists who deals with custody matters and in fact who wrote many books on the subject, but the judged ruled his testimony, testing and research 'not credible', and this psychologist has written many books on the subject and wrote a few one that lawyers use as a reference.  SO be warned about wasting your money with psychs. 

The biggest obstacle of course has been the GAL, from authorizing missed visitation so the former spouse could go see her friends, changing schedules and interfering with placement in general to swimming lessons for a three month old and myriads of other excuses, even representing the former spouse in court when the former spouses attorney was on vacation.  My attorney at the time was doing a lot of expensive talking with the GAl but would never let me know what the meeting were about.

Regardless up till now I was always able to see things through and somehow get to see the kids, who are now 6, and 7.  But the judge has ordered them to be 8 and 9 along with other misfinding of fact and law, but I a certainly not going to go back into court and let him know his judgement is impaired.

Now the former spouse is being coached by an advocacy group on how to stop visitation and avoid the courts, basically I am informed that the standard practice is to keep them away as long as possible and after about 6 months to a year or longer then the judge will rule in her favor and give her sole custody because the legal scenario is constructive for a judge to rule that way.

Thanks
   

[ocean]

A lot going on here...

What does your current orders state to see kids and is she allowing those visits now?

I will await your response to that to give you some more info...the only thing I can say is if you can get pick ups at school then mom can not interfere..

[Andrew_S]

Visitation is weekends, 2 weekends then miss one, then two weekends.  Only certain holiday placements are allowed to displace those.

School, no, the judge ordered that I have nothing to do with the children's schooling.

Previously I asked for visitation at a police station as a mid point, but the judge ordered I pick up the children and return them.  The distance is 112 miles.

I was offered shared custody at one point on a more equal placement if I moved to where the former spouse moved to, but the FP stated that if I moved there she would move away, so it was pointless and even then she stated that she would not agree to any placement.

Last hearing was to adjustment and clarify holiday schedules two weeks ago.  During those weeks she had taken out a TRO because she wanted Easter weekend, so I was to miss my weekends with the children because of the TRO which was dismissed.  This has been the pattern since, she will now if she behaves as she has done before go to a different agency and claim child abuse and get them to roll the ball for her probe the crap out of the children and place more psychiatric help or therapy for them, I have not seen the children in over 5 weeks now.

Last trial to address this issue was september last year, as a result of that the attorneys and psychs took every last penny I had including the house.  I did also lose my job over the court events and the court schedule but especially due to the sexual abuse allegations, although cleared of any wrong doing, my work in a college was in jeapordy, as she had a direct line to the president for all the BS.

[ocean]

Ok, since you have an order have you tried filing contempt of court on her instead of modifying the order? Contempt of court, she has to go to court and say why she is not allowing visitation. In the contempt court papers you can ask for make-up time (may some more summer time?) and for her to pay your lawyer fees since she is going against a court order. Contempt of court will get her a slap on the wrist the first few times but the judge will get sick of her.

The schooling, I meant to do pick ups there. You can ask for that in the motion and write "mother has refused court ordered parenting time on XX. Father requests make-up time added to his summer visit, lawyer fees, and that he pick up children from school so mother can not interfere with pick-ups"

Then when you get there, ask for exact weekends you get children (start date so the school knows whose weekend it is and also put in writing that mother can not pick children up early or sign children out on fathers parenting days, also what to do when school is out or child his home...go for the police station again and just say "judge, we tried it and she wont release kids, I just want time with them".

Contempt papers can be found online or pick them up at your family court...fill them out and hand them back in. It is free to file here. You can start to represent yourself. It really is an easier hearing as she has to answer to why the kids are not coming... Does she have a lawyer? They will tell her to get one as this is considered "Criminal" within the family court system.

[Andrew_S]

I understand the motion process and have tried it myself, unfortunately I have been completely unsuccessful in getting a judge to rule favorably, other than stretch out the cases to long periods.  If you can read the text of the court record and interpret them for what they are here is the link so that you can see what has been done. 

http://wcca.wicourts.gov/courtRecordEvents.xsl;jsessionid=A6EBB0480D3B05DAF6A165556C8FEDB4.render6?caseNo=2004FA000054&countyNo=14&cacheId=B4DA43208611D78FB726C5D966299944&recordCount=10&offset=9&linkOnlyToForm=false&sortDirection=DESC

At the moment and my last motion was to change the venue to get rid of the GAL who has been instrumental in helping to keep the kids away and creating problems, also get it into a court that may be more helpful in resolving problems and not have the same people who rule in favor of their own interests.  I am basically trying to find a court that will rule on it's own orders, hopefully this one will and will follow through, as this is basically my last shot.  For example if you do read the link, you will see I can get an agreement in court but to enforce anything you have to use an attorney or file yourself as you have suggested.  Where I am from, they have basically told me they have a policy where they will not prosecute mothers nor will they force children to take their visitation.  I have even sat down in the middle of the police station playing with the children, the mother states to the children that they should not go with daddy. And the policemen is telling me that as long as she does not tell me that I cannot take the children, she is well within her rights. Which of course is ridiculous but it is what it is.  I have about 60 police reports of missed visitation and about 50 personally documented accounts.  So the procedure I am familiar with is I file a motion for enforcement, the Judges around here will order mediation.  Mediation is unsuccessful or abrogated and the judge will take a hearing, he appoints a GAL, and then we go round the merry go round.  However I am over cautious as the former spouse is capable of anything, she has been teaching the kids to say I touch them in their private areas, and also has created plausible scenarios by damaging the children by pinching them or marking them, or on one occasion even hurting my son's penis, to create a plausible scenario of sexual abuse.  Fortunately for me the story was unfounded but cost me almost 6 months without seeing the children.  There are other psychological factors involved I am sure, but I am trying to simplify a complicated situation and just simply get the kids on my visitation without hindrance.   

[ocean]

Ok..so it looks like you won the change of venue?
Next step would be to file there for the contempt and see how they deal with things...

As you know, family court is very very slow and unfair. Work with their schools, find out when there are public things you can go to...Field Day, Concerts, Christmas party, end of the year party. As their father, you are allowed in the school, and get all info. Send them things in the mail.

Have you tried court ordered counseling with the kids and YOU. Maybe when you file for the contempt you can ask for court ordered counseling for father and children. Then mom can not pull them out. Also, shows you are willing to do anything to see them.

Stinks...many times, family court allows the mother to influence the kids not to go to visits ...and they get away with it for a long time. It takes many trips to the court house and a good judge or Gal to make it right.

[Andrew_S]

Unfortunately as I have stated before the school is not doable I now live 100 miles away, (it i the only way I found to stop her stalking my house on the weekends I have visitation.) If the children are outside in the garden playing she will watch and report any infraction of my parenting.  She can make anything up she likes and the police will always come to the door to investigate.  So, apart from that I got on great with the school and they knew exactly what was going on, but the Judge's order as I have previously stated leaves all decisions regarding schooling with the former spouse.  I understand this is a broad statement and it has been used by the former spouse to suggest it also means little if no contact with the school.  With the contract words being so broad and not specific, it will be difficult to argue it's intent, but the Judge crafted the order and it has some interesting twists but unfortunately not in my favor.  I must for example pick up the children on Xmas day at 1.00 p.m. then return them to their mothers house at 10.00 p.m. and then pick them up on the same day at 10.p.m. to continue the visitation.  Similarly for Thanksgiving, I pick them up on thanksgiving day at 6. p.m.  I thought that was what the clarification hearing was about, but unfortunately it turned out to be an interesting whatever mommy wants apart from the change of venue.

I am awaiting her next denial, which means I file a contempt order for issuing the TRO to obtain a missed placement legally, i.e. constructive using the law, then missed placement by not having the children present and available and the same again.  I will try to bring in the previous missed placements as exhibits to demonstrate her uncooperative nature but it is really a long shot the judge won't just start a new set of fresh start records etc.  But I will do my best, and thanks.

[Andrew_S]

The other item I forgot to request advice on how to approach is, at the moment the former spouse is not communicating.  The court ordered the continued use of an online program called family wizard.  I can however write emails through this but they are usually are never responded to and certainly anything that is relevant in timely manner or is responded to after the fact or in as short a time as to make it impossible to attend an appointment or respond before the action is taken.

But my current dilemma is how if at all possible is it for me to find out if she intends to withhold the children, I have the standard B.S. where everyone she has contact with is poisoned in terms of their belief.  And there is no one to act as mediator to find out her intentions.  I have asked of her if she wants to keep the children again this weekend by phone, and by email, are there any resources I can use.  I am constantly of course checking to see whether she has any TRO's in effect, in which case I would automatically be in criminal contempt, so I am not saying I am paranoid, I am just stating a disposition to the problem that is overly cautious.   The other thing of course is to try and avoid spending gas traveling to the pick up point and wasting 6 hours plus the time it takes to request a police report, which sometimes I can wait till 9 or 10 in the evening depending on how busy the police department is.

Thanks

[MixedBag]

We were ordered to use OFW too -- and also ordered to check it every other day.

SO....I could easily print off the main page that showed whenever there was a period of time that he didn't check in, and he could do the same.

SO....maybe that detail has to get added -- that both of you need to check it every other day.

Then again, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink (necessarily).  She can still check it and ignore you.

You have an order -- and when the children are not exchanged at the time listed in the order, you have no choice but to ask the court to find her in contempt and then ASK for make-up time for each and every day that the CHILDREN missed time with you.

Skip the police report -- after you have a few.  Buy a pack of gum or get gas with a date time stamp on it.

I don't understand the dilemma you stated "how if at all possible is it for me to find out if she intends to withhold the children" -- the court order outlines weekends, period.

Yes, it's expensive to make the drive, and more expensive to go to court and say "HEY, she's not following the rules YOU, your honor, set out" -- but you gotta do what you gotta do.

[ocean]

I agree...but word your online communication a little differently. Do not ask her if she is keeping them....
Write: According to the court order, I will meet you at XX time on Friday. If there are any issues, please write back on here.

Since you are going to a new judge, I would get the police report for the next 2-3 times (file after this weekend but collect a few more).

You can also overnight her a registered letter (she does not need to sign) the "letter on intent of visitation" from this website. More proof of communication.

You can call the local police at the exchange town and say you have an order to pick up child there but due to the past can you someone there and can you call that morning to see if she filed an RO. They are used to it...