Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court

[Giggles]

Congrats!!!  Oh I bet she was just seeething when she left.  Now that you have a CO amount....do NOT pay 1 penny more!  If the kids need clothing and you buy it...KEEP IT AT YOUR HOUSE.

Do most certainly file for the divorce and put together a reasonable parenting plan....then put together another one that is padded with things that you're willing to let go of.  In other words...start off asking for way more than what you would settle for.

Around here the saying goes "pick your battles carefully"....it appears your BM didn't...too bad for her!

Important things to have in your parenting plan....Right to first refusal.  Meaning that if BM isn't able to be with the children during her parenting time, then the children should be with you unless you are also unable to be with them.  Say BM has to go on a work trip for 3 days during the time the kids were supposed to be in her care.  The RTFR clause will insure that the kids stay with you vs a BM family member.....MOST of the time...sigh.  Remember this parenting plan has to cover every aspect from now until they are 18 or depending on what the age of Majority is in your state.

Good Luck!

[NoRights4Dad]

Seething is an understatement!!  She was beyond pissed!!! LOL!!!

The irony about it too is that she was trying to get childcare expenses but I shut her down on that too!  The reason being that she is a teacher!  Her and the kids are on the same schedule and to add to that my son attends the school she works at.  So she doesn't even have to send someone to pick him up!  My daughter is in preschool at another school but school will be over in 2 weeks and once that happens, she too will be attending her school so she will have both kids going into work with her and leaving with her at the end of the day.  So when she said that I immediately was like "what?!" "$800 a month for childcare, for what!!!"  The judge immediately ordered a recess for her to talk to her lawyer and when they came back they then asked for $100 dollars a month just incase she needed to hire a babysitter.  I gladly gave it to her because the base amount was still significantly less than what I was already giving her.

I'm telling you guys, god works in mysterious ways and he does not like ugly. 

[Kitty C.]

Kitty you know the surprising thing when it comes to her is that with all of the craziness she surrounds herself with she is still capable of acheiving things that other people normally wouldn't.

You would never look at her and her family and believe that she is a teacher with a master's degree working towards her doctorate.  She parties constantly and her family goes right along with her.  It's pretty amazing.  So when she says she will be getting this degree she will get it.

I do agree with you though that eventually her luck will run out and her partying drinking and smoking weed will catch up to her and ruin everything she worked for.  I wouldn't wish it upon her because my kids will suffer but the truth is the truth.

The odds are against her..........

Around here, there is a strong belief in Karma.  What comes around, goes around.  I've seen it in action first-hand and with perm. results, unfortunately.  People like her and her family are only biding their time....sooner or later they will screw up and the repercussions can be significant.

[ninapook]

I'm reading from bottom up, but why would you expect that half of your paycheck would be on the table? In NY, isn't it 25% of the combined parental income for two children?

As far as fighting for joint physical custody, you have 17 years on the job, but what exactly is your role in the NYC police department? Are you on a stable, secure schedule? On your days off, which may not always be weekends, are you spending them in court? Who is watching the kids with the same flexibility that a teacher's schedule can offer? Even if you do prove that your schedule is stable, your ex can still get right of first refusal, which means you'll have to take the kids to her before you leave them with ANY sitter (whether it's your new girlfriend, your mother, the kid who lives down the street, whatever) and if she can bank enough of that time, she can take you right back to court to prove she has the kids most of the time. Sure, you can try that with her, but is her family going to be able to prove with documentation that they babysat like she can do with your time cards, overtime and court? Not likely. And at the end of the day, what it will cost you in lawyer's fees to even vet this is going to take years to shake out even.

The most important (keep in mind, I'm reading bottom up from your post) is the likelihood that your kids are used to a routine (karate, dance, not to mention school), is moving them into a new home, with a new girlfriend and her son REALLY the best move you can make right now? Most courts, when the children are not babies, are concerned with status quo, and honestly, come on, you're a NYC cop, you know this, you need a more compelling reason to act than this flimsy evidence you're presenting.

If you were so concerned about the ex-wife or grandma's drinking, why would you wait so long to act on it until it was hitting you in the pocket? Sleeping in the same bed is not going to do anything but prove that your wife doesn't have the means to buy them their own bedroom furniture, I wouldn't bark up that tree.

Every parent has the right to go on vacation every now and then. You can't prove who paid her way, and unless you can prove she put the kids' in a traumatic tailspin in her endeavor to or as a result of, another road I would caution you against crossing.

Finally, kids who just spent no more than 30 minutes playing with their friends outside running bases or doing cartwheels are probably going to be dirty and yeah, a little smelly. Do you expect their mother to cut short their playtime for showers and cleanup (as kids are so inclined to do) JUST so they can come see you? I have 3 boys, they can take a shower the night before and STILL somehow wake up smelly and I swear on Mother Mary they are sneaking out and digging in the ground with as filthy as their nails can look sometimes, even after I've just cut them.

It HAPPENS. And if you had to parent them, 24/7, each day and every day, you would know this.

You don't have issues, and no one is going to take 50% of your paycheck. Not only is it not NY law to do so for 2 kids, but taking that much is
against federal guidelines unless you have an existing order and are in arrears.

You're a cop. Do some legwork.