Email in court = good or bad?

[melissa3]

I was wondering what everyone's experience has been like with using email to communicate with the ex/other parent and with using emails as evidence in court.

Recently, my fiance suggested he and his ex use emails to communicate and express major concerns or issues. Using the phone has become extremely difficult, seeing as my fiances ex would use the phone to verabally attack him and then deny him phone time with his little girl. Also, we figure this would be a good way to document how her mood/attitude changes from naughty to nice everytime she gets a support check. (Typical!)

My fiances emails have been respectful and rational, even when the BM was completely awful. He has not been insultiing, never sweared and was always focused on their daughter. But after thinking about it, we are afraid the courts will think our polite emails are just a bluff and are an attempt to fire the BM up to make her look bad.

Also, we have court in 3 months and are trying for both 50/50 physical and legal custody. We would ulimately like to show that all parties can work together to raise this child. However, the lack of cooperation on the BM's part will most likely sway the courts into thinking 50/50 is a bad idea, in which case, BM having sole custody would be MUCH worse.

Please share your stories, nightmares or details of your still on-going battles =)

By the way, we live in MA, in Hampden County.


Thanks

[CustodyIQ]

I experienced the same dynamics with my ex that you describe.

In my situation, my ex returned all my mail ("Return to sender") and blocked my email address.  She wanted ONLY phone communication, during which nothing ever got resolved; but she certainly had her emotional outlet.

A few years ago, our judge got so frustrated with the "he said she said" that he ordered we communicate ONLY by email, and that we may print out and keep records of the emails.

In that scenario, the judge was obviously inviting documentation of emails to provide him some greater understanding of what's really going on.

That was one of the biggest blessings for peace in my life.  No more ranting phone conversations, no more disputes over who said what.

I've used emails to support my pleadings.

However, in general, email is not considered credible evidence because it can be forged so easily.

But... all your fiance can do is provide it as exhibits and wait for her to object.  If she doesn't object to the authenticity of the emails, then the court will consider them valid.

I suggest he send her a certified letter saying that phone conversations are not going well, and he will only be using email from here on out, to help keep things calm and ensure everyone's memory is on the same page via the paper trail.

[melissa3]

My only question is what happens when he calls to speak to his daughter? His lil girl is only 5 and BM always answers, which gives her the opportunity to go off on a tangent.

I already read the article on emails, I just wanted some real testimonials =)

[CustodyIQ]

Get a micro-cassette recorder that has an in-line phone jack, for clarity of recording.  Here's an example: http://www.radioshack.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2104039

If she tries to engage him, he should say:

"I'd like to inform you that I've begun to record our conversation on this day of March 20, 2006 at 6pm.  I've called to speak to our daughter, and I do not wish to argue with you.  If you are refusing to allow me to speak to our daughter, I will hang up."

Then, she has a choice.  Regardless of her choice, it's documented.

Call back 15 minutes later and try again.

The recordings can serve as evidence, if needed, by getting a certified transcript of them via a transcription service.

If you have 10 such recordings with her blocking phone access to the child, it should be enough to convince a court to make orders about it.

[melissa3]

We have a recorder, which we bought to prove her animosity, but figured once we told her we were recording she would be nice as pie.

I really like your idea of giving her a choice to cooperate or not. I think that will make phone time A LOT more enjoyable.

[CustodyIQ]

>We have a recorder, which we bought to prove her animosity,
>but figured once we told her we were recording she would be
>nice as pie.

If she's nice as pie, then you have your resolution.

If not, then you have your evidence to get resolution from the court.

Either way, there's only one option-- resolve it.

Your goal isn't to GET her.  Your goal is peace.

My ex complained out the wazoo that I was recording everything, that I brought the recorder in plain sight to exchanges (when child was too young to know what it was).  I ignored her complaints, because the presence of the recorder WORKED to keep her in line.  Once she apparently realized that anything/everything MAY be recorded between us, she quickly stopped her BS when interacting with me.

[melissa3]

You're right, tyring to "get" her is not the point. What I forgot to mention was we bought that recorder awhile ago, back when we wanted to show the court the BM's lack of cooperation was causing a lot of problems and that we wanted something done about it.

Present day, we arent concerned with proving the BM is a pain because we are trying for 50/50. We want to prove that cooperation exists between parents and we are trying to do whatever is possible to keep the friction down to a minimum.

Our concern with emailing is that everything gets documented - the good and the bad. The last thing we want is for the court to see animosity. However, any animosity is all from the BM's side. But like I said before, if one parent is unwilling to cooperate the courts figure it would be best to keep the child with just one parent - usually the one causing the problems!

[reellis527]

That is absolutely correct.  A lawyer told me to prove we can't get along and stick by it and no way would any judge do 50/50.  It worked.  My fiance case the same result happened his bm kept saying they couldn't get along (which they could and do) so the judge refused 50/50

[melissa3]

So what happens when the only reason 50/50 doesnt work is becuase one parent is just being vengeful? There is no "inept parent" in this situation. Both parents are equally fit except the mother has temp. physical custody and believes she is the better parent.

I really don't belive my fiance is a bad parent, he's very good with his daughter and is very interested in what is going on with her. (the BM should be thanking her lucky stars for him - atleast he wants to be around which is more than I can say for some men I know)

Has anyone been to parenting classes and have they helped with achieving a better outcome when going to court for 50/50 or atleast more visitation?

[CustodyIQ]

Can't hurt, but probably won't do much for the outcome either.

If no one has accused him of being a bad or uninformed parent (with credible evidence or witness testimony), then the classes won't really address much.