Won't give me a time for pickup??

[mdegol]

What would you do if the other parent won't give a time for pickup?  I have asked twice and pickup is this Friday, and I have no idea what time.  Our CO doesn't state specific times for pickup and dropoff, and it has never been a problem before.  I think it is a new game to frustrate me.  I had to ask three times whether or not he wanted me to bring DS to the airport or if BF was going to pick him up.  He only said "afternoon" in one of these emails, no specific time.

[aquanee]

I don't know how well things are going between you and other parent but I would probably say something to the effect of:  I have asked on 2 occasions to work with you on a pick-up time. Since I have not received a response I will pick up at XX:XXPM. I will assume our child will be ready at that time.

Also, if you can quote any specifics you can from CO

[bloom6372]

Well, if he won't let you know, and you were kind enough to offer to take DS to the airport, I'd simply email or text him something like:
"I have tried on 2 occassions to set up an arrangement for exchange on Friday. I need to know what time you will be picking DS up from my home. If I do not hear back from you with a specific time by Thursday at 5pm, I cannot guarantee that I will be home when you stop by on Friday." This gives him a deadline for letting you know a specific time, shows you have tried in the past to work with him, and lets him know that you will no longer be willing to drive DS since he cannot seem to be polite enough to respond.

[MixedBag]

I think we need more details before anyone recommends an ultimatum....

airline?

how often does this happen?

[mdegol]

Thanks for the replies.  This is BF's first time taking DS to his own state for a visit (first summer visitation).  First time BF is taking DS on a plane.  It is a  one week visit.  (CO states, two non-consequective weeks during summer, no times no dates, to account for needed flexibility since BF has coordinate flights and all that).  Back in May, he told me he would give specific times and then in one email (after my offer to take DS to airport) he said he would pick him up in the afternoon from my house, no specific time.  I was kind of thinking he would send the time, as he always has in the past a couple of weeks before.  I wrote to him Monday and Wednesday morning asking for a time.  While this is the first visit that DS is going to father's home state, we have had many weekend visit and BF is always very clear about his pickup time and my pickup time.  I know he is getting my emails, as he always has in the past, and anyway he knows that I need a time for his pickup and shouldn't have to sit around all day.  I work, by the way, and want to coordinate my work schedule, so that I still get to see DS before he goes, but I would like to work the morning or afternoon.  Anyway, I just wrote saying that DS will be ready at 2pm for pickup, as I need to cooridinate my work schedule.  If I don't see BF at that time, I will assume that he is not coming.  I will say, twice before he backed of visits at the last minute, so it is possible (though not probable since I believe he purchased the flights).  One time he backed out of Christmas visitation only two weeks before Christmas but he hadn't purchased anything that time. Those canceled visits were the only ones where he didn't give me a time or respond to questions very easily.  But this time, I am pretty sure he bought the tickets and I don't see him backing out having spent money on it.  My question now is-what if he shows up to pick up DS at 10am.  Then I won't get to see DS go.  Should I make him come back at 2pm since he didn't give me a time and to show that he can't do that kind of thing?  I don't want this to become a status quo thing where he doesn't give me a time and I have to play a guessing game and miss a whole day of work sitting around instead of a half day.

[Davy]

You might consider returning the child to the child's and dad's home state then perhaps  everybody's life would be normal and functional.

Would that work better ?

[Kitty C.]

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.'

You can ask him all you want to, but if he fails/refuses to let you know what time he'll be picking up DS, then you have the choice of either not being there when DS leaves or taking the day off, just in case.  It's only a week....unless you need to talk to BF personally when he gets there, it should be okay for DS to leave if you're not there.  The thing is, this isn't an issue that you could file contempt on, since there is a reason why the dates and times are open-ended.  Unless you have something in the order that specifies that he MUST tell you within a certain amount of time, he's not in contempt.

To put it another way, even if it was an issue that you could file contempt on, which would be cheaper:  taking the day off or taking the issue to court?  IOW, pick your battles.....

[mdegol]

Situation averted.  I guess he had some family issues and wasn't able to write until now.  Hopefully, it won't happen again.  Thanks for the advice. 

[MixedBag]

Good -- happy he gave you more information.

Davy.....c'mon....

[Davy]

MB  ...  " Davy.....c'mon....  ".  What's up with you ?   

That's a very reasonable and ligimate post  given the the history of the long distant father's collaborating behavior (as acknowledged) combined with the excitement of takng his child home for the first time.