what are step parents called?

[twistedtmama]

Actually I do have a clear conscience. I bent over backwards for a long time let him get away with a lot, I would call him and remind him of visitation, I would do everything above and beyond my job to faciliate the relationship I would pack the extra clothes if needed and toys, and I would even provide my car seat, usually when he lived in our town my family would drive my son over to his fathers for visitation. Also when his step father tried running my sons bio dad over with a truck my family and I opened our doors for him to have visitation in our home, so I did bend over backwards, but I pretty much got tired of being taken advantage of, faciliating and getting taken advantage of are two different things.

I have always encouraged my son to see his father, after he moved an hr away I would always have my son ready for his visitation I would show up to the drop off location and he doesn't show up. I won't supply outfits because he would take my outfits and give them to my nephew I would not receive my outfits back so I stopped sending outfits, also he ruined my 200 dollar car seat I had to buy a whole new one. I make sure my son calls his bio dad at least once a week, my son leaves voice mails and bio dad never returns them, so honestly I have done all I can to faciliate the relationship.

Now he is saying he only wants to take visitation, if I can either transport my son an hr away or let him come to my home for visitation, neither one is an option, if he wants to take his visitation he needs to find a place to go with my son. I will help the relationship along but I am not going to do the work for him.

[MixedBag]

all of that is fine and dandy.....BUT

YOU are Mom, Dad is DAD.....nothing else.

Just as you should never be referred to or should your child call you by your first name.

NEITHER should the father be called by his first name when speaking to the child, nor should the child call his father by a first name.

PERIOD.

That's what your initial question was -- and the answer remains the same.

Dad is DAD.

HOWEVER, he seems to be an absolutely lousy father.

But he is DAD.

He doesn't seem to be stepping up to the plate.

But he is DAD.

Nothing less....

Get yourself a copy of Divorce Poison before you blow it and mentally hurt your son.

Physically -- you're doing all the right things by leaning forward.

But he did DAD.

Nothing less....

Dad needs to do his part too, but he is DAD.

And that goes back to your initial question about step-parents and what they are called.

Step-moms -- something that says balances love and respect for this important adult in a child's life.

BUT MOM is MOM.

Step-dads -- same thing, actually what's MORE important is the love and respect as opposed to what any adult is called.

But DAD is DAD, nothing less, nothing more.

[ocean]

Wow,

Does dad have a car to get to you "an hour away"? What is his reasoning on staying at your house? Can he not afford to go places? Offer to meet him at a park and you will supply child's sandwich/food for the day. There are cheap/no fee things he can meet you for. Paying for gas, traveling to you for a weekend, and paying for whatever they do can be $100 or more each time that maybe he does not have. You have the child support money so you have the money for child.

In another post you wrote about the birthday (we read all the boards so you can group your issues together) party. I agree no together birthday. We never did that BUT you can offer that he gets him for breakfast that day, up to 12 and drop him off for your birthday. Be very careful here, as child gets older, he may start taking him more and more. When his birthday lands on his weekend, you want him to cooperate so you both see him on that day. Offer a few solutions then it is up to him to pick one (1. come get him for breakfast, Ill give you $20 of child support to go to diner 2. get him the weekend before, 3. get him the weekend after).

Are you "allowing" him to take him back to his town? Offer to meet half way ONE time, tell him if he does not show, you will not do it again. I know you have done it before, but he needs both parents. You "chose" him to be his father....many moons ago so make the best of it.

You can't have his rights taken away with him paying child support. Bio-dad would have to agree to give up rights and your husband would have to sign and adopt child so the state would still have two parents to go after in case you file for social services. You would not get anymore child support.

I do not understand many of your posts because if he really is that bad, then pay the fee to have him adopted and have bio dad sign the papers. Sounds like you like getting child support but that is it. Remember how many children who are adopted go looking for their bio parents anyway. That will happen at some point. Hopefully as the child gets older, he will be more comfortable taking him (not doing feedings/diapers..etc..).

When was the last time he saw child? and he wants to come for child's birthday soon?

[twistedtmama]

Bio dad is the one who moved an hr away due to his step father kicking him out, he was refusing to pay his step dad any rent money so step dad had enough and kicked him out so he went to go live with his dad. And yes he has a car. His reason for staying at my house is because he doesn't want to have to spend money on my son when he has him, and yes this did come right out of his mouth. Trust me he can afford it, he lives with his dad rent free, pays no bills, and his dad gives him gas money, his dad lets him keep his pay check he chooses to blow 200 dollars a week on drinks at the club or buy himself new outfits, so it's not like he cannot afford it.

I have offered many options regarding my sons birthday, his birthday party doesn't start until 4pm, so I offered him 9am to 4pm when the birthday starts, this was not good enough for bio dad. He said he either wants to get invited to the birthday party, or he wanted to have him the whole day, I told him both of his requests were not possible. One thing I will not do is give him money to bring his son out to breakfast if he wants to take my son to breakfast he will have to pay for it, I am not going to pay for his visitation time. he pays me 39 dollars a week and half the time I don't receive child support, so I really cannot afford to fund his parenting time.

He can take him back to his town if he wants, I am not going to tell him where he can and cannot take him during his visitation time. I really cannot offer to meet him half way, when he moved we put into the co that he is responsible for all transportation for the fact that I never have driven so he agreed to doing all transportation. When he lived in my town my mother would take me to drop off my son.

[brwneyedmom]

Please stop. I am sickened reading your words. You aren't learning anything from those of us who have been raked through the coals by the other parent. As CP, it is YOUR responsibility to facilitate a relationship between dad and "your" son. The truth is, this child belongs to both of you. It doesn't matter that he moved, that he doesn't want to spend money on this child, or that he is a low-life, irresponsible, drinking and partying man. You CHOSE him to be a father. Now you live with the consequences.
Stop trying to convince us that you are right. We know better. Our collective wisdom over divorce, separation, and parenting/custody arguments would fill a library. You are refusing to listen, listing the same grievances against your ex over and over. We've heard it before. We know that song and dance. One day, you may find yourself losing custody if your ex gets wiser to the system and how it works.

I will say it again. As CP, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to facilitate a relationship between the father and his son. You must do this. You must do this until this child is 18. Now go out and do it.

[twistedtmama]

I do faciliate the relationship don't get how your not saying I am not, he is free to take my son whenever he wants, I just cannot do the transporting because I do not have a license, so obviously if I don't have a license I cannot operate a vehicle. And just because I don't feel comfortable with him coming to my home doesn't mean I am not faciiliating the relationship, he wants visitation in my home, but is dictating and saying he doesn't want my dh there during the visitation, he cannot say my dh cannot come home to a home that he pays for.

[MixedBag]

Part of facilitating that relationship is to call his father DAD.

PERIOD.

nothing else...

And Step-dad is stepping in...

[twistedtmama]

and part of faciliating the relationship does not include me giving bio dad money to take his son out or opening my door for a visitation location.

PERIOD.

[MixedBag]

But that's not why you started this thread....

It was about name calling for step-parents which lead to the fact that you do not encourage or teach your child to call his father "DAD"

THEN you tried to justify it -- because he is an awful father.

And that's what's wrong.

He is dad, he should be called DAD.

Can you at least agree to  this?

[twistedtmama]

No I cannot atleast agree to this, I am not going to agree to something I don't agree with just to pacify you, everyone is entitled to there own opinion. Now I am tired of discussing this topic, so topic closed.