Grandparents saw the kids for two hours...

[ladiva23]

Hi all,

As you may or may not know, the grandparents to my SDs (5 and 7) supposedly told bio-mom (according to her of course) that they did not want to see or speak to the girls until the girls returned home to their mother.

That struck me as odd.  But its not really our job to figure out if bio-mom is lying yet again.

So I was followed into the grocery store by the grandmother - I mean seriously we live two blocks from them, so I always end up passing by their house to get to the main street of where we live-  I passed by her while she was sitting on her porch and then all of a sudden, she is behind me pushing an empty cart in the produce aisle.  She looks at SD2 like she wants to cry, so I tell SD2 "say hi".  They both wave to each other.  I think it was ridiculous that you haven't seen your grand kids in two and a half weeks and you only exchange a wave, so I take SD2 out of the shopping cart and tell her to give her grandma a hug and kiss.

Grandmother purchased a pack of cheese. - Random.

I tell my DH what transpired.  He says "its funny, because biomom has just text him saying she wanted to say hi to the kids."  He text her back to ask her to reconsider taking the kids to see their grandparents.  All of a sudden she says yeah okay.  After this whole e-mail exchange about "its their decision, and its not my fault they don't want to see the grand kids."  We have to wait until SD1 comes back from church with her aunt, so DH tells bio-mom he will call her in about 2 hours.

I suggest to him, that we should reach out to grandparents one more time.  And grandfather picks up the phone.  My DH explains to him, that he is not calling about drama, although he feels this "threatening letter the grandmother supposedly received is something invented by bio mom or her friends."  We just want them to see the girls, and grandfather says immediately, "can we meet at the park???"  My DH decided that they can hangout with the grandparents for two hours.

Bio mom text DH that she will be ready in 30 minutes to pickup the kids, and DH text back that they are already with grandfather.

Would it be wrong of us, during my DH's parenting time to deal directly with her parents?

[Simplydad]

Would it be wrong of us, during my DH's parenting time to deal directly with her parents?

IMO the answer is no.  It seems to me that the bio mom may be telling quite a bit of lies.  How can a person truly break a grandparents heart by denying them time with the kids.  The same thing can be said about the kids as well.  I adored my grandparents.

[tigger]

No.  I deal with my ex's parents all the time.  They saw the kids more on my time than their father's time and I recognize and value the bond that the boys have always had with them.  (When my oldest rebelled and they briefly believed the lies he was telling, it was actually their continued involvement (much to my ex's wife's irritation) that set him back on the right course.) 

She may be withholding visitation from the grandparents in an effort to control them or obtain property (clothing) or money from them.

[ladiva23]

Hi Simplydad & Tigger

-whew- thanks.  Its cool to come on here and actually talk to people who have gone through similar situations or know enough about it to comment/give advice.  It is such a drain to talk about this with your family and friends especially if they don't understand or think that all problems can be solved if everyone puts aside their egos".  I like talking to Ocean as well.  When you are in a situation, and even if you are mild-tempered or level-headed; it is still difficult to see if there is anything you can change about how you've handled or are handling the situation.

This woman is truly hot and cold.  One minute she wants everyone's participation in the enrichment of her children's lives, and then what seems like a temper tantrum ensues.

DH and I believe that it is a control issue, but mostly Biomom trying to do DAMAGE CONTROL.  Her parents do not speak English -or just the basics-, and she may very well have them still believing that my DH is guilty and I am still the supervisor for the visitation.  They do not understand what is going on in court.

I think biomom was devastated to not be able to bring the children directly to the parents, because its not like she can say, "Oh, I begged him to let you guys see them, and LOOK how THEY are tearing this family apart. They won't let you speak to the kids or see them out of spite." - which would coincide with her lie to us that the grandparents did not want to see them.  She's trying to play both sides.

I'm sure that what is done in darkness will be brought to light, but it just seems like they're still in the dark and its taking them an awfully long time to find the light.

[Kitty C.]

Depending on what language they are fluent in, is there any possibility of getting an interpreter (maybe an acquaintence of the g-parents?) to accompany a get-together?  It would especially help so that they can converse with the kids....and maybe it would give you and DH an opportunity to let them know how you feel about what's going on, as well.  That way they can hear it directly from you (and not BM) and there is no miscommunication due to a language barrier.

[ladiva23]

 

Depending on what language they are fluent in, is there any possibility of getting an interpreter (maybe an acquaintence of the g-parents?) to accompany a get-together?  It would especially help so that they can converse with the kids....and maybe it would give you and DH an opportunity to let them know how you feel about what's going on, as well.  That way they can hear it directly from you (and not BM) and there is no miscommunication due to a language barrier.

My DH and I both speak Spanish, which is their primary language.  But during court, and when the court documents get handed to the mother, you can hear her saying at least to the grandmother, "Oh, these stupid courts, they are saying no matter what, if he's a child molester or not, he still gets f***ing visitation." and numerous other derogatory things to that effect.

Bio-mom or a friend of hers, who all so conveniently translated a letter that was supposedly from us, written in English, to the grandmother in Spanish, the day before court, begged her mother not to call the police.     If you received a letter reportedly saying that someone was going to do bodily harm to you, wouldn't you want to have the police involved? Bio-mom has gone to the police any other time with no problems.  "Excuse me Officer, I'd like to make a report of verbal abuse."  (Because my DH told her give the kids a bath every day, not just when they go someplace special) "Excuse me Officer, I'd like to make a report of kidnapping against stepmom. No? Just because my ex was the one who gave her authorization to take her off of the bus? Oh? Then I'd like to make a report against him. Thank you." "Excuse me Officer, my daughter who is only four years old, told me that her father makes her feel "uncomfortable" and my ex sticks his fingers into her vagina, sometimes two and three at a time. Yes! I'd LOVE to make a report."

Biomom takes advantage of the fact that her parents do not speak English, at least with what has been going on lately.  There is so much tension with her latest allegation.  There is nothing else that can explain why her parents, who came inside of our home, sat down and had coffee with us, and even divulged to us that their daughter is such a pig, she is a horrible excuse for a parent, if it ever came down to her losing custody, they would share custody with DH.

But blood is thicker than water, because it seems like ALL of her family including her estranged brother and sister, now are coming to court with her, etc.

We need to move.