Mother's not allowing me to see my daughter

[TeoMar]

I am wondering if there's anyone out there who can help me. My daughter's mother is currently hiding my daughter from me. I haven't seen my daughter since Thursday, 8/18 and the mother refuses to let me see her. She also refuses to answer my calls. I have given my daughter a cell phone so she can stay in touch with me. She usually calls me every day, but now she's not answering the phone at all. There are no court orders, despite the fact that on August 8th she served me with child support papers. I will be filing a petition prior to the child support hearing asking Family Court to grant me sole physical custody and joint legal custody of our daughter. Here's my question, what can I do in Court in the meantime to force my child's mother to allow me to see and speak to my daughter? I've already reported the situation to the police, but they told me there's nothing they can do and that I should go to Family Court or ACS to make them aware of the situation. An attorney has instructed me to go to Family Court and ask for a "petition for visitation". I would appreciate any reliable information.

[tigger]

More information would be needed before providing advice.

1) Were you and the mother married at the time of conception and/or birth? (In many states, that automatically makes you the father and no need for paternity)
2) How old is the child?
3) Has she given any reasons for her actions (either to you or by the grapevine)?  And they don't have to be reasonable or based in reality.  Just knowing what she's thinking will help in know how to deal with her or respond.

[Kitty C.]

I agree with tigger......a little more of the back story would be helpful to better understand the dynamics here, and the BM's motives.

[Davy]

I am wondering if there's anyone out there who can help me. My daughter's mother is currently hiding my daughter from me. I haven't seen my daughter since Thursday, 8/18 and the mother refuses to let me see her. She also refuses to answer my calls. I have given my daughter a cell phone so she can stay in touch with me. She usually calls me every day, but now she's not answering the phone at all. There are no court orders, despite the fact that on August 8th she served me with child support papers. I will be filing a petition prior to the child support hearing asking Family Court to grant me sole physical custody and joint legal custody of our daughter. Here's my question, what can I do in Court in the meantime to force my child's mother to allow me to see and speak to my daughter? I've already reported the situation to the police, but they told me there's nothing they can do and that I should go to Family Court or ACS to make them aware of the situation. An attorney has instructed me to go to Family Court and ask for a "petition for visitation". I would appreciate any reliable information.

[Davy]

"I am wondering if there's anyone out there who can help me. My daughter's mother is currently hiding my daughter from me. I haven't seen my daughter since Thursday, 8/18 and the mother refuses to let me see her. She also refuses to answer my calls. I have given my daughter a cell phone so she can stay in touch with me. She usually calls me every day, but now she's not answering the phone at all. There are no court orders, despite the fact that on August 8th she served me with child support papers. I will be filing a petition prior to the child support hearing asking Family Court to grant me sole physical custody and joint legal custody of our daughter. Here's my question, what can I do in Court in the meantime to force my child's mother to allow me to see and speak to my daughter? I've already reported the situation to the police, but they told me there's nothing they can do and that I should go to Family Court or ACS to make them aware of the situation. An attorney has instructed me to go to Family Court and ask for a "petition for visitation". I would appreciate any reliable information. "

You are not alone.  On it's face, what you have posted is atypical and not at all uncommon in the ugly situation and process your child and you find yourselves.   Many fathers and children over a great many years have had like experiences.  It is best that you focus on your child and remain calm in all situations. 

Based on what you have posted, do not be surprised to discover the BM motive (and the rest of the system) is to remove you from the life of our child.  Perhaps the attorney you spoke with should have recommended an emergency motion for temporary custody but instead is asking you to accept the mother-custody status quo by advising a petition for visitation.   A child being withheld or hidden should not be accepted as normal behavior while for what anybody knows the child has been harmed or under duress at the BM's hands and does not want to be exposed.

As recommended, please post more detail.  We're all here to help.

[TeoMar]

First, thanks to all of you who responded with a desire to help me with my situation.

1) The mother of my daughter and I were never married when she was born.

2) My daughter is currently 9 years old. She'll be 10 soon.

3) The reason the mother is keeping me from seeing her is because that's how she does things. Rather than speaking with me and discussing things for the "best interest" of our daughter, she does whatever she wants because she thinks she can. I have always sought the best interest of my daughter while she has always sought to use my daughter to hurt me, and in the process has, and continues to, emotionally and psychologically damage her by alienating her from me by lying to her about me and about many other things.

I went to court this past Thursday and filed a "petition for visitation", but later found out that what I really needed to file was a "writ for the immediate return of a child". I will be filing for primary physical custody and joint legal custody shortly. In the meantime, I will be serving her with the "petition for visitation".

Also, is anyone out there familiar with Michael L. Weening? He is a lawyer who is in charge of fathersrights.inc. Is it worth the money to use him as an advocate and to get legal advice from him?

Thanks,

Teomar

[ocean]

Little  confused... Was daughter living with you and mom took her back?

Sole custody is very hard to get, especially for a father. Unless she was living with you already, getting it will be almost impossible. If you live close and can do JOINT physical (splitting the week up or doing one week you, one week her) but you would have to be near her school and judges usually grant this when parents can make this work.

Joint legal you def want. That gives both of you rights for medical and school issues.

If she is filing for child support, then it makes me think child has been living there. Then you are right and need to file the visitation papers, depending on your state you may have to prove paternity first. (did you sign anything in the hospital when child was born?). Until you get to court, she legally does not have to allow visits so be careful on how often you call and remember she can be taping you. Most of us here, use email or texts only with ex's. Then you have proof of what was said. Let phone calls go to voicemail and then respond in writing back. Make is business like and answer child issues that need to be answered, with a quick response.

If you are on the birth certificate, you can take that to the school and get on the mailing list and be involved in school. That is a federal law. If the school gives you a hard time, there is a letter on this site to send them to remind them of the law. You can not take child from school but can go to any functions.

[TeoMar]

Thanks Ocean. Your information was very helpful. I appreciate your input and recommendations. As far as filing for "sole" custody, I used the wrong terminology. I meant primary physical custody and joint legal custody. My daughter has been living with her mom, but I've always wanted her to live with me because it is in her best interest. Since 2006, I have also made every attempt to sit down with the mother and work out a mutually agreeable parenting plan that is in the best interest of our daughter. She has refused. Since we have never gone to court until now, I always thought she would come around and do the right thing. It never happened. I never wanted to go to court because I knew that it would be devastating to my daughter, but it has happened anyway. Had I known then (2006) what I know now, I would have filed for primary custody at that time, and much harm, especially to my daughter, would have been avoided. My child has already suffered significant emotional and psychological effects due to her mother's alienating and lying tactics, and unfortunately this will continue at an even larger scale with the upcoming court battles. 

I have a court date this coming September 14th regarding child support, but I've already gone to Family Court and filed a petition for visitation. I will also be filing a petition for custody/visitation shortly. Any recommendations?

One other question, I read somewhere that when someone receives a summons or petition, that he/she must let the court know that he/she has received it. Is this true. Or do I simply show up to court, prepared with the documents they requested, on the court date? Again thanks again for your information. It is much appreciated!

Respectfully,

TeoMar