Cant see the baby....

[lostinny]

I am writting this for a friend of mine who is about to just lose it.
His ex in going to give birth soon and has already stated the she will not let him see the baby when he wants and that she is not sure how involved he will be because he has hurt her too much. He is not allowed to go to the doctor with her, can't hear the heart beat. He wants to be involved. He has tried talking,begging and pleading. He offers to do things she flips out on him.... she is just so angry... She said she would tell him when the baby is born,but, he wants to be a father. He can not call her, he has to wait for her to call him or send her an email.

What are the options in a situation like this and how does he start the ball rolling? Are there things he should or should not be doing at this point? What if she does not tell him when the baby is born and does not put him on the birth certificate?

Any help or advice would be greatly apprciated. I thank you sincerely for your time.

[4honor]

He needs to establish paternity Don't sign anything until the results are in. Then he needs to file for a custody determination with specific time and dates spelled out for his time with the baby... this takes all the power out of the mother's hands and gives the father time he can count on. Then if BM (bio-mom) messes with him, then he can get a remedy from the courts.

He should find the online calculators for child support and figure out what he will be paying and begin placing that amount of money into an interest bearing account each month. When support is established (after the child is born and the paternity is established), he will have the money to pay any owing arrears.

He should get his tail to this website and read all the emergency articles. The resources here are free to all and there are many here who have walked this road before him.

Tell him to not let the pregnancy get to him. She is likely going to be able to thwart his attempts to take and part in the delivery. He may have a chance if he kisses some considerable baby-momma booty between now and then -- though even that may not help. He needs to accept it and don't allow it to make him bitter.

He needs to keep the current and future well being of his child first and foremost in his mind. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It will not be over for quite awhile.

The most important piece of advice we were ever given was this:

Behave at all times like you are standing in front of a judge!

[wendl]

Also taking infant cpr is a good idea as well.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[melissa3]

I just want to add that if he is a fit, responsible, stable and mature adult he should atleast try for 50/50 joint/physical custody. He can prove he wants to be there for his child by doing more than anyone would expect him to.

I just don't think he should settle for CS payments and NCP just yet! =)