Hi. I am the primary custodian of my daughter who has regular visitation wish NCP

[mommy with heart]

I am going to court soon as my ex is in contempt of our custody order.  The NCP has failed to comply with my requests sent certifed mail for our daughter to attend scheduled activites and also is a year behind in no child support.  At this time i am the  Primary Custodian with the final say in our daughter's upbringing.  Obviously this is being ignored by the NCP.
I have filed for modification of custody due the non compliance of the order and lack of care of our daughter.  Also, the NCP has and is driving with a suspended license with our daughter.  I'm looking to see if anyone feels that i have a chance to gain full physical and legal custody of my child.  Just need to hear some positive feedback.  

[Ref]

First of all, does your custody order require that NCP mail certified letters? Why must he have to write the letter? I am not sure I understand.

If you are primary, unless you agreement says otherwise, I don't know if you can say that you have final say in the upbringing. If you are asking him to take the daughter to events during his time, he can say no unless it is written that he must in your parenting agreement.

Him driving with a suspended license with your daughter in the car isn't a good thing. Do you have evidence to bring the court or can he counter with "My mom drove me to pick up Janie"? You need to prove that he was behind the wheel at the time and that he has a suspended license or that case falls flat.

He will definately get his for not paying his CS but that shouldn't affect visitation and parenting rights. He will probably be made to pay arrearages.

Honestly, I don't see this going anywhere but fixing the back child support issue, unless he is required by the agreement that he send you certified letters.

Best wishes
Ref

[mommy with heart]

Thank you for responding.  NCP is required by court order to transport to and from activites
if our daughter is visiting NCP.  NCP wrote me one letter stating he would not participate with this since it interferes with his visitation.  Certified mail is being used to correspond with NCP due to NCP not willing to respond to phone communication.  there is documentation of NCP's license being suspended.  NCP refuses all that is in the court order.  NCP also committed purgy in custody hearing 9 months ago.  The court order also states that primary custodian has tie breaking decision making in all matters.    

[Ref]

I can completely understand why having to take a child to something during your time could be really annoying. I understand that children often have activities that they need to regularly attend but it would stink if we HAD to take SD to a practice instead of seeing family for a special occasion or go on a family vacation etc.

On the other hand, he did agree to it in the papers so it is on him to either get you to agree to some changes or take you back for modification. The regular letter would be good evidence of contempt for not taking the child to activities.

As far as certified mail goes, unless the court orders it, he is not in contempt for not sending letters that way. In my situation DH tried to send certified letters to BM to prove that she received them, but she refuses delivery. DH can't force her to accept them, but I imagine it will show how unreasonable she really is when they do go infront of a judge.

All in all, I doubt he will get anything but a slap on the wrist for not taking the daughter to activities. I can't imagine (but stranger things happen) that the judge would order a change in custody based on something this trivial.

You have evidence that the license is suspended. That is part 1. You also need evidence that he was driving with your daughter inthe car. Honestly, I think a judge will not do much about this either.

Purgery happens all the time and will STEAM a judge but I think in family court it is almost expected. I've read about BM's lying about BF's raping or beating the children and they don't get anything for it. If you have evidence, you could present it, but unless it is a big deal I wouldn't bother.

Is the child missing the events that you plan seriously affecting your child, or is it only here and there? If it isn't really messing her up, I would drop it. There are far bigger fish to fry.

Is the father driving with a suspended license putting the child at risk, really? If not, I wouldn't push this one either.

I would try to work with him to get the back support. Do you know why he is not paying? Has there been a change in his income?

These are just my opinions based on my years battling with Child support and visitation. Obviously, I have been on the other side of the issue but I think the results are the same and the perspective might help.

Will your ex work through email? Maybe this would be a better medium for him. There is tracking software out there that will enable you to certify that you send and he received messages. How does he want to communicate? There are a lot of ways to protect yourself with phone, email and other communications that I have learned about by being on this site.

JMO
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[maid marion]

Don't know what state you hail from but in my state of r.i. child support payments, wether they're being made or not, has no bearing on visitation.
As far as the non-compliance with your requests, if it's not an order of the court that he has to comply with then, that also probably has no effect on visitation.
The no licence is an issue but if he makes suitable arrangments for transporting your child then he'll probably still get to visit.
 In my state, the only way to change custody is if there is a substantial change in circumstances. And even then it might be a change that you feel is substancial but the court may not.
 Sorry if I sound like I'm trying to bring you down but I've been in the system for awhile and I can't tell you how many times I went to court with the highest of hopes only to have them dashed when the court didn't see it the way I did. Either way, hang in there and keep focused on what's best for your little one and don't make decisions based on any anger you might have toward the X and eventually things will work out and get better. It took me 4 years to get sole custody of my little one and the hell I went through along the way was incredable. But I kept focused on what was best for her and not my feelings for my X. Good luck.
Maid Marion

[mommy with heart]

Thank you for your positive response.   I am very much focused on my daughter's well being and thats it.  Being angry with my ex is time i don't wish to spend.  The non payment of child support is not why i am seeking modified custody.  I seek it due to lack of care of our daughter, unable to provide transportation unless ex is with mother and or her car etc.  Ex uses mom's bank account to desposit monies, (this is known from our hearing).  My ex has been living with his mom for over 3 years, unsure if there is employment, and has no vehicle.  

 My means of communication with my ex is due to lack of responding to my messages left regarding activities for our daughter.  Ex also assaulted me in front of our child a few years ago so it is court ordered that we meet in a public place for exchanges.  Due to ex's license being suspended, i just learned it was reinstated since the last court order did not request child support  to be made throough DR.  Therefore, they closed the first case and reinstated the license. Our legal system appauls me.   I too, have battled this for 4 yrs and  I will continue to remain focused as i am looking at the best interest of my child.  Thank you again for your response.

[Ref]

and even if the other parent does things in a way you do not approve of (live w/ mom etc) you may want to lay off. DH's ex didn't work for almost 10 years. She is raising SD in section 8 because of it and complains that the CS DH's sends is too little to SD and that is why they live where they do. She cut off all communication with her own mother and the rest of her family. I am sure she is on drugs or at least mentally unstable. She has verbally and physically assalted me and my husband. The sad part is, she has custody and we can't do anything about it because it is not an immediate danger to SD.

This is the same for you. If he beats your daughter or does something to endanger her, you may have a grip. If not, don't go through court. It will waste your time and the taxpayer's money.

Ref

[MixedBag]

I too have read your posts which contain further details.

And as the other two have already said, not sure you really have a reason to go back to court for full physical and legal custody of your child.  

As the primary residential parent, you basically already have that.  Particularly since you say you have final decision making authority.

So what's to gain for the child for you to convert your custody status to "sole"?  Nothing....

The scheduled activities is a tricky one.  I too (and DH for that matter) am an NCP.....where the CP (DH's too) has used activities as an excuse to not send our son (and DH's too).

As NCPs, we have been successful in court....

So I suggest you carefully balance these activities against your child's needs and desires to have a relationship with the NCP.  IOW, they don't necessarily come first and foremost when there's a period of time that the court ordered the child to be with the NCP.

Good luck!

[mommy with heart]

Thanks for writing.  Just a couple things.  Our court order has our child's activities superceeding visitation.  The NCP refuses even with my request and final decisions to transport our child.  The NCP agreed to our child's participation with all she is involved in but does not and has not followed through.   There are many issues not just our child's missing her acitvities that show a change of circumstances.  I thank everyone for writing as our hearing is less than a week away.      

[Ref]

Good luck to all involved

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