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Court date interfers with parenting time?

Started by Apple, Nov 12, 2011, 08:32:13 AM

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DH had attorney file for a motion because BM refuses to work with parenting consultant.  Their divorce requires them to use one.

Court date is on a Thursday at 3pm.  DH's parenting time starts at 5pm on Thursdays.  BM is saying there's no way she'll be able to get the kids to the exchange point because of the court date and is telling DH he won't see the kids that night.  Depending on how long they're in court, this is possible. 

DH tells her she has plenty of time to find someone to drop them off, court isn't until January.  And that he plans to send someone in his place (they share legal).  BM then goes on to say she's not leaving the kids with anyone but DH or me (SM).  OK, which one is it?  You can you get them there or not? 
Also, Step dad has every other Thursday off, and court falls on his off Thursday.  For over a year, he's been doing the drop off on those Thursdays (just did it this past week).  BM is saying he has to work (I'm sure a lie, but can't prove it). 

Bottom line, can BM refuse DH time because of the court date?  They live 40 or so miles apart so DH picking them up at BM's house isn't feasiable time-wise (need homework, dinner time etc).

I know DH can't require her to find someone to drop kids off, but she's been trying to noodle out of the Thursday nights for some time and uses every excuse she can find to not do it...

Lastly, DH suggested BM contact his attorney to discuss a new court date if it's such an issue.  BM responded it wasn't her issues and she's done discussing it.


Geez.....I would NOT suggest delaying a court hearing because of this.
AND if Dad complains about it.....at court, not sure that would look well either.
Chances are you're gonna want to be at court as well.....
I suggest that maybe Mom can bring the children....and they hang out somewhere near court, but not AT court, until things are over, then Dad can go pick them up locally.
Pick and choose your battles, but asking that court be rescheduled.....just not something I would recommend.  Picking them up after court is realistic, well IMHO.


I agree we don't want to postpone court over this, but it's another example of BM not giving much weight to DH's time with their kids.  BM's first response to conflict on Thursdays is to have DH miss his night.  If we didn't push back DH would have lost about 4 Thursdays of the last 8. 

BM recently moved farther away from DH and now BM has to drive much further to the exchange point.  From what we've gathered, it really annoys her and she seems to be trying to get rid of Thursdays altogether. 

Is BM obligated to find a way to get the kids to the exchange?  In the last 3 years or so she's only been to maybe half of them anyway, it's usually step dad.  But I get that he's not obligated to do it. 

Court's at 3pm, youngest doesn't get out of school until 4pm, so bringing them with her is not an option.  If she continues to fight it I'm going to suggest DH ask about switching nights that week.


Why not address it with her lawyer or the judge that day, at the end, say "you honor, tonight is my scheduled night with the kids and I was informed by mother that she will not be at the pick-up. Can the courts please order a make-up day next week for the missed time in addition to my time next Thursday".
If you are addressing the missed contempt visits, then use any documentation that you have and say the kids and I missed 4 out of 8 midweek visits and mother is refusing tonight's visit.


Say, if it is drive that is annoying her, why not take it off the table so as not to risk Thursdays?  Or at least to stop fighting over them?  While you don't have to-life seems a little too short to be dealing with her relentlessly trying to get rid of them due to the drive.  If she doesn't have to pay for court, this could go on and on.  If Thursdays were acceptable to her if the drive was split I would just do it and move on with my life.  What's a little more driving compared to some peace and quiet?  Do a cost/benefit analysis of the issue.


I think it is best to comply with the current agreement without withholding the child or badgering the child in any way until another agreement is reached.

It is likely she will nit-pick the child and you no matter what.   


I like your suggestion Ocean.  I'll relay it to DH. 

Driving is not on the table at this point - we're going to court to have a Parenting Consultant appointed.  DH hasn't missed a Thursday with the kids, but it's only because he refuses to give in to BM's requests.  Regarding the driving in a nut shell,  BM moved about an hour away this past summer.  The exchange point at the time was in the other direction, so DH argeed to move it towards BM, but us driving the same distance.  This mean BM is driving further than she was before she moved.  But, she moved (without telling DH), so DH doesn't feel too sorry for her.   

Davy, we always follow the agreement (unless both parties agree to a change, which rarely happens).  And you are exactly right, she will nit pick no matter what. 


Ocean's suggestion might not work........
Sometimes court wraps up so fast and poof, hearing over.  Then what?
Sometimes when you present something like that to the judge -- he says "I suggest the two of you work that out."  And you're left scratching your head....

Sometimes....that's like entering or asking for something that legally has to be put in writing in a motion and stuff....

So I hear what Ocean is saying, but I'd rather hash that out and not take a chance at the end of court.

Good luck!


" I think it is best to comply with the current agreement without withholding the child or badgering the child in any way until another agreement is reached. It is likely she will nit-pick the child and you no matter what. "

My post was not clear.  As usual, DH dots the i's and crosses the t's while complying with the agreement  and BM has a history of being difficult so BM should be held accountable and not be given an opportunity to disrupt the child's time with DH especially for a court date for the purpose to comply with a court-ordered "Parenting Consultant". 

Would it work to apprise the court of the situation and then DH instruct (in writing) the BM to deliver the child to DH at the court house. Child wins .... in more ways than one.


switch to the day/evening BEFORE court.....not to a date after court.