holidays

[AAP2388]

my co states that holiday visitation is agreed on by both parties. How does this work and what would be a fair schedule to suggest?

[Apple]

Generally holidays are split so it's somewhat even.  Our order alternates major holidays each year.  If all familes live near enough some split Christmas between eve and day.  For Christmas we have the kids Christmas eve until 10am Christmas day.   

If you have a good realtionship with the other parent an open agreement can be nice.  Regadless, I sugggest using email to document what is decided.  If only to ensure everyone is on the same page.  Nail down exchange times and place too.   

Once you decide on a schedule I suggest offically adding it to your order.  That way if the relationship deteriorates you're protected.  I mention this from experience.  We had an open agreement and the bio mom was impossible to deal with.  We were at her mercy.  Once we got the schedule in the order bio dad's time was protected. 

[AAP2388]

Generally holidays are split so it's somewhat even.  Our order alternates major holidays each year.  If all familes live near enough some split Christmas between eve and day.  For Christmas we have the kids Christmas eve until 10am Christmas day.   

If you have a good realtionship with the other parent an open agreement can be nice.  Regadless, I sugggest using email to document what is decided.  If only to ensure everyone is on the same page.  Nail down exchange times and place too.   

Once you decide on a schedule I suggest offically adding it to your order.  That way if the relationship deteriorates you're protected.  I mention this from experience.  We had an open agreement and the bio mom was impossible to deal with.  We were at her mercy.  Once we got the schedule in the order bio dad's time was protected.

I am pretty sure he won't be coming, because he never really comes to see our son, but just in case its good to have a plan.

[tigger]

Should probably be spelled out.  My ex and I tried splitting the actual holiday but it was exhausting for both the boys and us and was difficult for extended families wanting to include them.  We switched to a schedule that alternated the holidays not just each year but within the year so that each parent got every other holiday every other year.

Easter - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 5 pm Sunday (Easter) - Odd - Father, Even - Mother
Memorial Day - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 8 pm Monday  - Even - Father, Odd - Mother
4th of July - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the day prior to the holiday through 10 a.m. the day after the holiday - Odd - Father, Even - Mother

And so on.  For Mother's and Father's days it was from Friday at noon until Sunday at 5 every year.

[AAP2388]

Should probably be spelled out.  My ex and I tried splitting the actual holiday but it was exhausting for both the boys and us and was difficult for extended families wanting to include them.  We switched to a schedule that alternated the holidays not just each year but within the year so that each parent got every other holiday every other year.

Easter - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 5 pm Sunday (Easter) - Odd - Father, Even - Mother
Memorial Day - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the Friday prior to the holiday through 8 pm Monday  - Even - Father, Odd - Mother
4th of July - after school (or 12 noon if a nonschool day) the day prior to the holiday through 10 a.m. the day after the holiday - Odd - Father, Even - Mother

And so on.  For Mother's and Father's days it was from Friday at noon until Sunday at 5 every year.

I suggested alternating, he doesn't want to do that, because he says he doesn't show up enough, so he should just be able to call the day off and say he is taking him during that holiday, I totally disagree with his statement.

[tigger]

His lack of responsibility and ongoing involvement with his son doesn't give him the right to wreak havoc during a holiday.  At the very least, he should be required to give 15 days notice and then at your discretion based on the child's schedule.  How old is the child?  Once he's in school and has school programs, or church programs, sporting events, friends, etc. he's not going to be agreeable to Dad interrupting his plans all the time, especially if he's not there on a daily or at least weekly basis.

[AAP2388]

His lack of responsibility and ongoing involvement with his son doesn't give him the right to wreak havoc during a holiday.  At the very least, he should be required to give 15 days notice and then at your discretion based on the child's schedule.  How old is the child?  Once he's in school and has school programs, or church programs, sporting events, friends, etc. he's not going to be agreeable to Dad interrupting his plans all the time, especially if he's not there on a daily or at least weekly basis.

I know I have told him I need at least 10 day notice for a holiday, that I cannot know last minute. I am willing to bend over backwards to make it possible for him to see his son, but he doesn't want to I guess. My son is 5, he is in kindergarten. I talk good about his dad and everything too, I never say a bad thing about his bdad, but when the few times he does go with his dad he shows anger towards his dad, because he isn't around at all, also sometimes my son doesn't remember him. I think the whole situation just stinks.