Same old Visitation Denial

[Disgustedstepmom]

BM is still picking and choosing when child can visit. VO states every other weekend from Sat 10 to 7 and Sun 10 to 7. My husband went to pick her up for visitation in Nov and BM refused stating child had been sick and out of school for a week and a half. Unfortunately, an argument ensued. On Monday, my husband and I went to the courthouse to file Rule to Show Cause papers and was told BM had just been there trying to get an OP against my husband. The emergency OP was denied based on no actual threat of harassment, as it was just a family matter. My husband went to the permanent OP hearing 2 weeks later. Judge asked BM why visitation was denied. She stated that EVERY time child comes home from visit, she is sick. (BM has continued to make claims that child has 'blood sugar' problems and needs extra care. We wouldn't have a problem with this except child takes no meds for, doesnt even have her blood tested. BM will not allow him to go to dr with them) Judge stated that he wanted a FULL medical history on this child. We jumped for joy! Judge also asked if BM had contacted him to let him know child was sick and out of school for a week and a half. She replied no that she didnt think it was her responsibility. Judge then asked BM, well wouldnt you like to know if the roles were reversed? She said no,but judge did not believe her. Judge ordered that visitation change to Sat 10 to 9, and Sun 12 to 5:30. We went back to court on Feb 2nd but BM failed to show. Continued to March 6th.  We also received an attendance record from the school after requesting it. Child has missed 29 days so far. Child missed 48 days in Kindergarden and is in her second year of 1st grade due to BM taking her out and 'home schooling'. No proof of home school has ever been shown. Yes, my husband does pay child support and is current.


It just amazes me how some BM's think they are the only parent in a child's life. It just makes me so angry to think that they don't want the fathers anywhere in the child's life. Then they should have thought about this before having children with the BF's. Sorry guys, guess I just needed to rant! There are women out there who feel for what you are going through just trying to be part of your child's life.

[tigger]

Why isn't it overnight?

[lost child]

i am sad for the child and everyone concerned this hurts the child so much .this mother is hurting a parent child relationship .good luck

[Disgustedstepmom]

The only reason no overnights is because BM won't let her. She can stay everywhere else though.

[DadsCrushed]

"the only reason is because the BM . . ." who cares what she wants. I would advise you to get a pendente lite or some order from the court establishing some schedule. My ex pulled this stunt as well, and if the child is that sick where are the doctor's notes, excused absences, bills for services, etc.  They don't exist. Your husband needs to file against the BM.

[neutron11]

How old is the child? 5 years old? At that age, child should be able to handle overnights with dad pretty well. You need to push for overnights in court. Make sure to have something in writing in parenting plan that says that illness of child won't be a cause for denying visitation. Your DH can provide comfort and care as well as BM (but of course, that doesn't make much sense if you guys don't have overnights). Does BM have sole custody? It seems so since you talk about "visitation" instead of "parenting time". If BM denies visitation due to illness, you should have a clause in VO to establish make up time. If she doesn't give you make up time, then file for contempt. Court is expensive and stressful but if you don't put a stop to BM now, she will continue doing whatever she wants. Fight to get more time with child.

[Disgustedstepmom]

Child is 7 years old. BM does have sole custody. When we first went to court for visitation, Judge just automatically granted her sole custody, which I guess is normal. On the 2 overnight visits that we have had with her, we have never had a problem out of her for sickness, etc. The only problem WE had, was that at the age of 7 she is sending the child to bed with a sippy cup of milk stating the doctor recommended it. When she stayed here, we didn't offer the cup and child never requested it. It does explain why child had to go to dentist and have all 4 bottom teeth removed. Then we found out she sucked on a pacifier and bottle till she was 6. Not much we can do about it I guess, except have to pay to correct all the damage it caused in the future.

[Disgustedstepmom]

And in the current VO, nothing states about make-up time or for illness.

[Disgustedstepmom]

I do have another question though. When child was conceived, BM was married to someone else.  Her husband had no clue it wasn't his child, and my husband didn't know it was his. When child was born, her husband's name was put on birth certificate. A year later, in a fight, she told him she didnt know about paternity. My husband was summoned, and DNA test showed he is the father. Fast forward almost 7 years, child still has her ex's last name and his name is still on the birth certificate. Anyone know of procedures to get all this changed?

[neutron11]

I think it depends on the state. Since husband is still on birth certificate, in WA he is still nominally the father. You need a document signed by husband where he states he is not father and also a document from mother and your DH stating he is father. Simply DNA testing is not enough. If husband and/or BM don't agree to do this, you will need to go to  court and have the judge sign a court order to change name in birth certificate. My DH is going exactly through that process and we are waiting till trial to bring the issue to court. BM's husband is out of the country so no way we can get his signature.