BIG moving weekend....

[Kitty C.]

SS has decided to move in with us...this weekend.  He came over last night and talked to both DH and I at length about it.  The poor kid was crying....which made me want to go over to BM's house and just bang her head against a wall!  He's so worried about her being alone and him not being there to do things for her.  Never mind that he's been nothing but a go-fer and slave for her for the past 4-6 years.  But that's how badly she's brain-washed him over the years.

She's afraid of being alone, plain and simple.  She can't keep a man in her life...she might be able to reel them in, but once she starts seeing them, she treats them like crap or tries to change them and they bail.  But DH explained to SS over and over that BM is an adult and she can deal with her own life.  SS talked about fixing things for her and DH told him that he can certainly see her any time he wants and also can go over and help her with little things....but to NOT drop everything just to run for her every time she hollers.  DH also explained that any time SS goes over there, she will probably try to guilt him even more, so he needs to be prepared for that.

SS was also worried about his half-brother, that BM could do the same thing to him.  I told SS that it is very possible, but since there's 50/50 custody with him, HB's dad is really involved.  If Dad sees or senses something going on, he will certainly act on it....he's done it before.

SS askd DH if he should tell BM first and DH said no, not until the actual move.  Any forewarning and she will come out with the guilt guns blazing.  I reminded SS that he has no control over how others act or respond, so he should not take that into consideration.  Let's just say that if she goes a little nuts about this, I wouldn't be surprised.

DH also told SS that he believes some time with us will help him gain some perspective and help clear somethings up...that over time he will be able to look at the situation in a whole new way.  I truely believe that, too.  Considering SS is now an adult, I really don't think that what we all discussed last night was out of line at all.  But if anyone (especially those who know more about our situation) has any further ideas, I'm all ears!

[ocean]

Wow! Is he there yet??
You have been given helpful hints about how life really is and how a mother should be. I am sure things will slowly come up when he is there with you and just answer them honestly. At any point if he needs clarification or proof, show it to him or tell him you have xx and if he ever wants to see it, he can. Enjoy the time he is there with you. Hope this weekend goes well!!! (Is the other child with his father this weekend?)

[MixedBag]

Good luck!!!

[Kitty C.]

SS now has the majority of his stuff here....it really felt great getting his room ready for him!  I happened to run into SS at our local grocery...he was there to get boxes.  He was hoping BM would be working this afternoon, but she isn't.  HB is there this weekend, ocean.

When SS got here with his first truck-load, he said she cried and tried to make him out the bad guy.  I reminded him that it's the only way she can see it...only if she can put the blame ANY place else but herself.  She also kept saying they need to talk, but SS said he told her he's tried that too many times, but she either ignores him and plays on the computer or brushes him off completely...he's done talking for now.

I think this is a HUGE relief for him and I hope it is a start for him to focus his attention on himself, instead of her or HB.  Prom is 2 weeks from today and DH and I can't wait...SS is borrowing my new car for the ride there and the 'grand entrance'!  Then his graduation in May...I am SO glad that he will be able to concentrate on himself for the rest of his HS time!

We may not have seen all of the 'fall out' from BM yet...I would find it hard to believe that she would let this happen with no more than what she's already voiced, but stranger things have happened.  But if we've dealt with all that will happen, I think it will be smooth sailing from here!  I'm SO proud of him!   

[Mom1Step2]

Nice to see some good news Kitty!

[Simplydad]

Awesome Kitty!!

I bet this is a major turning point for him.  He will now get to see what life can really be like.

[Wisconsin Mom]

How have the last two months gone?  This was a such a huge step for your SS--hope all is going well! 

[Kitty C.]

Your post is timely, Wisconsin Mom....today was graduation!  I had to sit next to BM for the whole commencement, but at least we didn't have to deal with her the whole entire time at the party.  SS was invited to join 2 other boys for a combined party at a great location, so we had plenty of other people to talk to besides her and her family.  But she was decent the whole time.

SS is doing GREAT here and I so enjoy having him here, especially during the week since DH works out of town all week long!  He starts a job this week and hopefully will be going to a local comm. college in a year or so for collision repair.  He still thinks his mom is certifiably crazy and has told me that every time he goes over to her place, she always asks him to do things for her!  And he's turned her down almost every time.

And I've never seen DH so happy!  They've gone golfing a LOT in the last month or so, just trying to make up for lost time.  DH just mentioned tonight that he 'just got SS back and now he's all grown up!'      But SS will be living here for a while, possibly while he's going to comm. college, too.  So he will still be here for quite some time, and that's okay!   

[Wisconsin Mom]

That is great news!  It's one thing to have a step-kid *see the light* but to have him integrate himself into your house hold and have things work out is a true blessing.  So happy for you, your DH and SS.  It's a good thing!

[Kitty C.]

It is a GREAT thing!  It's like he's always lived here!  It's still tough getting him to do chores, LOL!

And you canNOT believe what the alleviation of stress is doing for us...it's like a 10 ton weight has been lifted off our shoulders!