winning custody battle? how to do a sure win ??

[spinner]

Hi,
I currently am in very good terms with my ex-wife.
I have our son 1/2 the time however my ex has custody (full and shared legal) of him.

Our son will start school in my school district this september.

The only sore point between us is the child support issue. I am quite tired of paying for her boyfriend's appartment and we do not seems to be able to reach an agreement to stop child support.

So here is my question. If my ex doesn't come to a non CS agreement I plan to go for custody of our son. Since right now I have him 50% of the time and I will have him even more when he is at school in my district the only problem I have is how to documet to make this a sure win?

our son is 5 years old.
Once he starts in my schooldistrict they (the county court) will not change him to another school district so that should be easy.

As I said, I am looking for ideas to document a sure custody win in the next 6 to 9 month.

Our son is already registerd through the schools as living with me (to go in my school district)


Again here I am not looking for a short term: "good luck you'll never have it", .. I have all the time in the world to document this, I just need to know what documentation works. Obviously me just saying our kid is with me and not my ex isn't enough

[lucky]

Document every minute that you have - use the time tracker if you don't already.  Then, wait till school has been in session for a month or so and file.  If you file now, she might enroll him in HER district and take back the 50/50 time, then you're going to have to prove a lot more.

On the other hand, will or did she stipulate to the 50/50 yet?  If not, get that and the school issue stipulated and entered into court with NO mention of child support (she might think that you've given up on it).  Once you have that, she can't yank him out of your school and care AND you can file for a child support reduction and she won't have any choice in the matter (however, neither will you) as a magistrate or judge will be making the decision.  I think this second method will be much easier and is more likely to help you and your son.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[spinner]

we do not have the 50/50 stipulated but our parenting plan gives this time and this time and ca easily show that it acounts to 50/50


Ex is smart, she doesn't want to stipulate much.

Our son is doing early entrance in my school district. If she doesn't want him to enter early in my school district then hers doesn't do early entrance so it's not like she can pull him out.
Plus she (in her madness) is very happy that he goes to my school district. He will go into an immersion school so once he has started there for 6 month there is no turning back,

no judge will take our kid out of his school

I may add that other than for the money issue, we are in an agreement.
I mostly take care of our kid and she does when she has time

Also her school district is right next to mine

[lucky]

Well, Spinner, you've got to do what you've got to do.

I've watched your case over the years and you've had to fight very hard to get where you're at.  I don't doubt that your son spends a majority of his time with you, however, whatever ISN'T court ordered, she can take back at a whim and you know that.

My opinion is that taking her to court for full custody due to the money issue will likely backfire with her flipping out about it.  That's not to say that I think you should pay cs, I don't, but I believe that you need to be careful about how you go about it so she doesn't go back to the pbfh she was a while ago.

JMHO.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[spinner]

agreed,
that's why I am looking for advise here.

I am thinking this over

[spinner]

I need to add too that I doubt that she will take the time I have now back.
Most of the time is court ordered. Like I said it doesn't say 50/50 but says this plus that and 4 weeks vacations, ...
I have done the parenting time tracker and it tracks for 3 years that I have between 46 and 52% of the time depending on the year.

Also my ex used to live with her mother who was the one really sueing me in court. Now she lives with her BF and calls me almost every week-ends now for me to take care of our kid as she has to do this or that or week-end with BF, ....

She might want to take the extra time back but can't really.

For example in the next 6 month she has internship for work todo and she simply can't take care of our kid in that time. Her mother might be able to do a few times but not for 6 month.

As I said, we are in this situation because I worked hard for it but also because it is conveignat for her. BF is getting tired of my kid, ... my ex as well, she finds a 4 year old "too active" in a downtown appartment.... where he asks himself to come to my house, ....

She is also going to do this internship in the next 6 month "unpaid" so this is not with all that that she can pay for a daycare.

oh and to add that because of past lawyer bills, her mother had to sale her home and my ex is filing chapter 7, ....


This is just I think a good opportunity for me to get out of CS through custody. I am paying for 75% of our son's care anyway. she owes me close to 2000$ of health insurance she never paid. .... and I give her the CS to pay for her appartment downtown.

with all that's going in her life I have an opportunity within the next year to change custody.
CS will follow.

[Tennessee Dad]

I now have custody of daughter (now 8) after a long, bitter court battle 2 years ago.  But, BM "officially" had custody from the time our child was an infant, and I paid CS every month (and sometimes extra).  Before our child was a year old, I had almost every weekend, and sometimes one or two nights a week.  That includes the last 3 years (before filing),  when I actually kept our child for over 60% of the time (all documented, I might add).  I asked for full shared custody, as long as BM would make it legal, and I offered to continue to pay support, but BM refused.  SO, when it got to the point I thought I had no choice "in the best interest" of our child, I filed for custody, and won.  

Part of the reason the Judge saw through BM is I never made an issue of child support.  BM was in it for the money, and the Judge figured that out.  You see, it's not about the money; it's about what's best for the child.  BTW, I did not ask for, nor do I receive CS from BM.  But, the threat helps keep her in line, JMHO.

If you have the child 50/50 legally, thank your lucky stars.  If BM is letting you enroll the child in your school district, be thankful, and be the best Father in the world.  Spend as much time as possible with your child, be involved in the school, document everything, and be patient.  Eventually, the time will be right to make the move and make it official that YOU are the primary parent.  All in due time!  

[Tennessee Dad]

sorry

[spinner]

how did you document the time your kid was with you ?

[Tennessee Dad]

Started with a simple calendar, one with a month to a page and big blocks that I made notes on (i.e., BM called 2:30 p.m., p/u at school).  Then, we moved on to the TimeTracker, which is downloaded from this site.  This is an EXCELLENT tool to keep up with actual time, and very simple to use, once you get it started.  BM's attorney even wanted to know where we found it!  It will even calculate time percentage for each parent.  

Then, before we went to court, we used our notes to create spreadsheets showing overnights with each parent, pink for Mom, blue for Dad.  Overwhelmingly blue, to say the least.  The Judge seemed really impressed with this, although her attorney tried to discredit it.  He wanted to show part blue, part pink on days we each had her a part of the day.  The Judge understood, though, that if she spent one night at our house, that day would show blue, and the next night at BM's house and the day would show pink, although we had her that morning, got her up, and took her to school.  Plus, lots of days, we would take her to school, pick her up after school, let her stay at BM's until we got off work, picked up at BM's and took her home with us.  (Thank God for a flexible schedule, and working close to the school!)  That is where the actual time recorded on TimeTracker really came in handy; we could account for BM's 1-3 hours, vs. our 12-15 (not counting time she was actually at school, and not with either parent).  

Also, for the last year or so, we had daily notes, including details of calls from Mom, calls from Mom at 10 o'clock at night when she knew daughter was already in bed, or days daughter couldn't find Mom; school functions we attended, and the fact that Mom was not there, and who could verify this information; etc.  Then, we used our notes to list occasions when BM was "supposed" to have daughter, but did not make it.  You know, lame excuses like "I don't have any gas money" or "I have a headache/backache/diarrhea (yes, she actually used that one :D).  These were the notes our attorney used in questioning BM in court.  Funny thing is, BM couldn't remember any of it.  And when our attorney pushed her for answers, BM finally exploded.  Not a good thing to do in court.  

But, actually, any notes are better than no notes.   And the pink/blue time records are the only ones we actually used in court.  The rest were just to prepare for court, to give us info BM "didn't remember".  

Best to you; if you have any questions, just ask.