And the drama has begun again. :(

[wife1]

 I need any and all information I can get about Arizona child support laws. The BM of my husband's son is threatening my husband she is going to send him back for an increase in child support, no big deal but we have a feeling that she cannot afford an attorney so she is just sending ugly texts  to my husband saying how he needs to send more money because what she gets is not enough. Even admitting that she is telling their son that she refers to him as the "sperm donor" . But my question is because we are in texas if we send money through attorney general i know she will not get it but will it help us on our side because it shows that we are sending money to them plus still sending her a check? Does it not make a difference? Can we use the texts to show her harrassing him if they do go back to court?

[brwneyedmom]

Any money sent without a court order is a GIFT. If an increase in CS is ordered later, the GIFT money that you have been voluntarily sending will not count and you would have to pony up money again.  Most states have a time period- Oregon is 3 years - before CS can be changed. Why on earth would the state AG not send money to your SS's mother?
I love the wry joke of your DH being a "sperm donor". It would seem that your SS's mother doesn't refer to your DH as a "wallet" as well. No one can control what she says or does. Not even a judge. But this child will probably quickly learn that she is spreading poison. In view of that fact, try to order "Divorce Poison" from Amazon. It's out of print now, I believe, but others will correct me if I am wrong.
Of course, my opinions are those of an Oregonian and not an Arizonian. Your state laws may differ. And I am not an attorney.

[wife1]

the way it was explained was that since it is a divorce decree and they had to come to an agreement, what ever extra money he sends through AG is almost like a credit for him. So if he deposits at least 3-4 months worth of c.s, and he happens to loose his job for some reason he still has enough money in there to cover the times he is unable to pay. Yes someone told me the other is just a gift if it is sent through the mail.She has never taken him back in 13 years for an increase in child support so we dont know waht to expect.

[ocean]

You are right but what if you ask her what she needs the money for and you might be able to help out. If child is in an activity, pay that activity directly (send check to place or ask if they will take credit card over phone). If you decide to do this, it will be extra that you are doing but you can prove it by the checks/credit card statements and ask for receipts to be mailed to you.

If you send her a check to her, not going to count. If you send it to state, they will hold on to it.

It does not cost anything here and you do not need a lawyer to ask for an increase. In my state, the state child support services will even ask for the increase with you. Since you are dealing with two different states and the court system it will take months for her to get an increase so she is probably seeing if you will just agree. If you make more money than 13 years ago, it might make more sense to offer to pay for one of the child's bills. At any point you can stop doing it. You can even split a bill, many people split activities and pay them directly. Depending on how much you are willing to do, it can be more than one bill.

HS kids cost money and school items come up all the time. At the same time, if he is old enough he can get a part time summer job by you if he is with you, or by her to help pay for what he "Wants".

[Kitty C.]

If the order was written in AZ, look up AZ support laws to see what their criteria is for support adjustments.  Here in IA, it is also 3 years, but there also has to be a 10% change in at least one parent's income, whether that be negative or positive.

If you look up their guidelines and realize (regardless of the last time it was addressed in court) that none of the criteria exist, then blow off the texts.  If any criteria IS met, let HER go for it.  And if she can't afford an atty. to do it, I guess she's SOL!  And you continue to blow off the texts.  She's *itching because he's convenient since she's apparently always been mad at him.  As long as the child is not going without (paying for extra-curriculars is a different matter, it doesn't hurt to help if she truly can't afford it all), her bark appears to be worse than her bite right now.

Just because she sends text rants doesn't mean you have to answer them.

[MixedBag]

If I remember right, here in AL, it has to be a 10% in the child support amount owed in the end.  A bit different than what Kitty said for this state.

I remember finding Arizona stuff on line about 10 years ago, so it should still be out there.

[rjmurdock]

You don't want the child to go without even if it means paying more than the actual order but if you don't trust her do what my husband did. When his ex asked for help with school clothes and some other things my husband told her to give him a list of what his son needed and he would get it for him. We didn't want him to go without but at the same time we didn't want to give her more cash because we suspected that's not what it would go for. After that she decided she didn't need help when he wasn't going to give her cash. Let her go for more support other than that she really is entitled to nothing.

[Kitty C.]

Exactly....BM tried the same thing with DH, until DH pointed out that their CS order specifically states it includes school clothes and supplies.  DH wasn't about to give her any money, so he asked her for what SS needed.  All of a sudden she didn't need the help!  But he did tell her that he would help with extra-curriculars IF she told him well enough in advance or as soon as she knew, which we have done.

Now his graduation is coming up next month and SS has said he does NOT want a party. His choice, but I don't know if he decided to do that thinking it would be joint with BM.  And SS just moved in with us about a month ago, so I don't know if BM will be pressuring him to let her have a party for him.  Irregardless, we will be covering all expenses for his graduation, because I know that DH will NOT ask her to help.  She did pay a $20 deposit on SS's tux for prom last weekend, but we shelled out another $150 for the tux, flowers and dinner.