possible bipolar/sociopath step son

[dassia2095]

I've been living with my bf for a little over 6 months. He is dad to two beautiful kids, a 2 yr old baby girl and a 5 year old boy. My bf recently asked me to marry him and though I love him to death, I also have a 4 year old girl of my own and I am worried about how or if this is gonna work out.

Over the last 6 months, we've had the kids almost every other weekend, almost every other thursday and so on. I've discovered a lot of things that I didn't know from the start. To begin with, I discovered his ex's mom is bipolar... and that so is his ex.

His relationship with his ex consisted of him trying to make it all better for the kids, and her vandalizing and destroying everything they had on her impulses. All the way from, scraping his truck, destroying her own laptop that he gave her, breaking a guitar that his mom had given him for his bday, etc. etc. etc... well even now that they haven't been together in so long, she continues to text and call to bully him.
She tells him he can't have the kids for a weekend, then gets mad when he doesn't beg her enough to change her mind. This gets on my nerves because the texts and calls come all day and all night, he ignores them but she keeps it up... There is a lot going on with that, but that's not the only problem.

I've also discovered that his 5 old son doesn't just have a discipline problem. He has been kicked out of 3 different schools for behavior problems, for spitting on teachers, kicking kids, etc. He brags about this and tells me that he's gonna tell my daughter to do the same so that she can be in the "big school" with him. His mom put him in a private school, that is very big and told him that his school is better than my daughters... that's what he says his mom says...


As you can imagine, the things he does at school do not stop at home... and it doesn't help that his mom tells him that his dad doesn't want him anymore..

He has problems wetting the bed, you always have to call his name at least 3 times before he turns around, he hits his sister, and runs away when you tell him to stop. Not as in panic or fun run away, but as in, he puts his head down and walks away and his dad has to chase him and bring him back, then he won't answer or listen to anything he's told. He spat on my daughters face. This is just summarizing all the drama.


I have a friend who happens to be a psychologist, she does not treat kids, but after a few times of seeing his behavior she told me he was a sociopath, when we analyzed the symptoms (along with a little online help) bipolarity and sociopathy can almost resemble the same symptoms he has, and on a list of bipolar symptoms in children he had 19 out of 25. It makes more sense when you look at his mom, did I already mention she hit my bf with her car while she had her kids with her in her own car??

I understand that they will always be his kids, and his ex will always be the mother of his kids. I can't change that. I do love him and it's really hard for me to even have this thought in my head, but... should I assume this responsibility to myself too? I feel guilty to think that I didn't make those choices, and I didn't stick around for 6 years to make more mistakes with her. I want to be understanding, but I am worried that by being understanding

I'm just perpetuating something that could be damaging not only to us but also to my daughter.
My own mother told me to keep them separate. She works with kids with disabilities, and she said that if I want my daughter to grow up healthy and without mental insecurities created by my bfs son, that I needed to keep him away from my daughter. One day, I caught him telling my daughter "my mom says your mom is a whore... it means she's ugly." wow...


And the other thing is that my bf will be very hurt if I tell him I don't want his son around my daughter. He did take his son to a specialist and got diagnosed with adhd, but said he needed more studies. After that, neither of them followed up with the specialist, so his son is not getting counseled or anything at all.


I keep hoping that it's just a discipline problem, but I don't know anymore... should i leave this relationship and try to move on? is there a better way we can make things work? If anybody knows... please tell me...

[tigger]

Your psychologist friend is putting her career at risk.  A child can't be diagnosed as sociopath.  They don't diagnosis that until after age 18 as the symptoms generally present after that age through mid 20's. 

The parents need to put both kids in counseling.  The son for what he says and the daughter for what she hears. 

You need to put your child in counseling for what she's heard him say.  I'm not sure why you are even questioning this but you need to love your child more than you need a man in your life.  Yes, walk away.  Get counseling.  Put your child first.