Am i violating my child custody court order?

[universe]

Its now a year that i have a custody court order for my child.  The court order is set for 2-2 5-5 witch levels down to 50% for each parent. I recently find myself being involve with my child on the days that i don't have her which are every wed and thursday and alternating weekends (fri -sun). My chlid gets picked up from school by father's parents. Grandparent does not have  car so i go to her school on those days and give my daughter a ride with grandparent in car. To me i think that is okay and should be acceptable because i care for her safety and like to see how her day went at school. However i don't know if thats against a court order.  Also where my childs father gets upset at me is when i get involve in childs extra activities (dance class/ school functions) that don't fall on my days ( mon and tues alternating weekends fri -sun). For example their has been occasions where her dad or wife don't take our child to dance class so i offer my help and if she is still at grandparents home before 530 pm. I will pick her up and take her to class. His argument is why am i involve on his days? He will add his wife gets upset at the fact im involve on his days and they have threaten me that they will go to court for this matter! Now i have never been introduced to his wife since he has been with her 3yrs now. My dilema is am i doing wrong or violationg court order?? This is my first post but i am desperetly in need or advise! Thank you very much for your help.

[MixedBag]

Over the years....I think that there's two things that come into play that might help you.

PUBLIC places are fair places for both parents to be even if it's not your custodial time.  However, if a decision is to be made during that time, then the parent whose time it is gets to make that.  (Like what's for lunch).

The second is "right of first refusal" and that philosophy.  Many times the hard part is the definition of when the other parent has the right to step in and be the parent even when it's not their time via the court order.

I personally think that going to public places because you know your daughter is involved is ok. 

I think that by letting Dad (and StepMom) have the first opportunity to drive and even helping a grandparent drive and taking that grandparent is not a violation of the order.

What I really see happening -- and I might get clobbered for this thought -- is that the new status quo of 2-2-5-5  and that meaning to be 50/50 isn't happening from Dad's (and SM's) point of view.  Mainly because you said they've been married for 3 years and the order is only 1 year old.  I think Dad (and SM) think you're overstepping and tipping the scales that are supposed to be balanced.

HOWEVER, everyone needs to focus on the child.....instead of each other's presence.  When that happens, things should calm down.  (IF it ever happens).

[universe]

Thank you for the response.  So how do i comfortably offer my help on fathers days without him or (sm) getting upset?  I do make sure to make it clear, i am here to help with our childs needs before i take any further action.  Before court order came to be, I had full custody (verbably between father). Child lived with me and i did everything for child and did allow father to be a part of her whenever he wished.  On the same note, i had a family emergency out of town for six months. Before going out of town i asked childs father if he would help and keep her in private school, soccer, girl scouts while i was out of town??  Father agreed however he lived with his parents at the time and was not married to his wife yet. (they've been married 1yr and dating 2yrs to my recollection)  During those 6 months i would visit our child in the weekends (2-3 a month) and call her gramma every morning at 610am to make sure child was up and ready for school.  Then after school i would call again to see how her day was then before bed time i would talk to child again.  Every thing i did in those 6 months was acceptable to her father and i would suppose his girl friend at the time...
  I also feel its an issue with father when i remind him of certain meetings pertaining to our child on his days.  Or even to let him know if he has made tuition payments, homework packet signed...  There has been occasions when our child does not have home work packet signed or complete (which happen to be on thursdays) Or school will let me know he has not paid his half of tuition.  He takes it as a form of harrasment.  Is that a form of harrasment on my end???

[MixedBag]

I think regarding the tuition -- see if you can get the school to set up separate accounts, one that you're responsible for and one that he's responsible for.  Show them the court order that says 50/50.  And then direct the school to Dad.  That takes you out of the loop and places it squarely on his.
Appointment reminders.....well, that's a touchy one.  Yes, you're focused on the child, but you gotta let him be a parent too.