How do we keep them from moving?

[melissa3]

OK, since it seems a lot of parents are in the spirit of moving lately, I figured I'd better ask questions while the topic is still fresh.

1. What exactly does a judge look for when deciding to allow a parent to move? Or, in other words, what is the common deciding factor?


BM wants to move to be with her boyfriend and has stated that her home state (2hrs away) is much better than here in MA. Truth be told, Fiance and I did a lot of research (we have charts) and found out that our state is actually better, not by too much, but there is more family here and more of everything else - schools, hospitals, museums.....

Bm also said she'd make more money there, working with her family, however "WE" know that isnt true. Is she going to have to prove that or will the judge take her word for it?

The biggest thing is we've concluded that if Fiance and BM share legal and physical custody, with child living with other parent everyother week, BM wouldnt need to make more money and she would't need to move. How do we go about proving that in court?

Thanks for your time and any help you can offer.

[janM]

If they basically share 50/50 custody, then dad's argument will be that his parenting time will be drastically cut short, and this will have a negative impact on the kids' relationship with him. It has to be about the effect on the kids.

[melissa3]

Hello,

They only share legal custody right now. Also, fiancé only has supervised visitation because BM told the court he had a drug problem. He didn't have a problem; he had a prescription but our lawyer didn't defend us and here we are a year later with no visitation and BM trying to move away.

Its obvious to us that BM is not happy with Fiancé and I being together – motion to remove me from visitation, then the drug allegations and now the move (along with other things.) I guess she figured out that the only way to keep me away from their daughter is by keeping Fiancé away.

3 weeks ago we had trial for custody, support and visitation but the decision is under advisement (?) We are still waiting for an answer. However, no matter the outcome of trial, we know we still have to fight BM's move. Unlike BM, we believe a child needs both parents.


We assume the judge is going to figure that since Fiancé has not been involved in his daughter's life for the past year, then what difference does it make if she moves? That's why we are wondering what else we can use to show the move is not in the best interest of the daughter. Also, what can we do to show that even though Fiance wasn't allowed to involved previously, he wants to be her Father and he wants to be completly involved (and not just a damn visitor)???

[KathyNY]

Like you said, moving is the "hot topic" lately... my fiance's BM's is trying to move the kids out of state too.

First step he should take is to file a Temporary Order of Relief that prohibits BM from taking child out of state until a court decides.  You don't need a lawyer to do that- just go down to your Family Court office.

I did some major online searches with various keywords like "custodial parent moving children out of state" and switching it around to "how to stop..." and found so much information.  One of the sites- and wish I could tell you which one it was, I'm sorry- listed each state and their position on relocation cases.  I'm in NY and we've always been the strictest state against the BM's moving.  

Here's the factors that seem to be the same all the way around, though, in all the research I did, when it comes to BM having the burden of proof that the move is in the best interest of the child:

- if the move is for her job; they will consider it if it's her husband's.  She has to HAVE a job IN PLACE that is SIGNIFICANTLY better than the one she has now, not just a promise of better chances for employment, and not equal pay.

- if the move is to be closer to family

- if the move greatly increases the child's "economic stability" all around-considerations might include $ earned, cost of living in the areas, education opportunities, etc.

- how the move will affect the visitation w/ the non-custodial parent.  Some judges do feel that large blocks of time w/ the NCP, like summer vacation, are just as beneficial to the child/parent relationship as the EOW schedule type visitation; others feel that by going such long periods of time w/out seeing the NCP, the bond between parent & child will be diminished.

It sounds like your case is going to be a bit tougher than ours- my fiance has his kids all the time (they live almost across the street from us), all their family is here, BM is a stay at home mom & it was her boyfriend who took the job for which they're moving, and he took a pay cut at that.  I would definitely get a lawyer to help you out on this- but you can still go file the Order of Relief right away!  If BM leaves the state, it is very hard to get her back here to fight it after that.

Does your fiance have a program through his work that provides assistance for lawyers?  My fiance got our lawyer thru an EAP (employee assistance program)- he called the 800# and the people from EAP called a lawyer in our area that handles this type of case, and the lawyer agrees to represent us at a discounted rate, through the program.  Even w/ that we borrowed $ to pay the retainer fee, but no matter what, it'll be worth it in the end.  Even if things don't go our way, we could never live w/ourselves, and face the kids down the road, if we hadn't fought for them.

Good luck, and please keep me posted!  
Kathy

[melissa3]

Thanks for your input.

We considered a Temp order of Relief but the court already knows BM wants to move and the judge told her we'd have to come back to court for that.

Out of the things you listed there really isn't much to the BM's advantage. BM cannot really prove she has a job up there – she claimed she'd be working with her sister but, like you said, just saying you have a job doesn't make it a definite thing.

As far as family, BM actually has less family in the new state than my fiancé has here. The number of relatives is 30 / 6!!!  Also, here there are more local private and public schools, more recreational and educational facilities, more hospitals.......just more of everything.

The problem is BM is broke and is trying to blame it on fiancé and for him being late with child support. The real reason BM is severely in debt is because for over three years she left the lower apartment of the duplex she owns (and is still paying mortgage on) remain vacant. Now, to make up for her stupidity, BM is coming after fiancé for more CS and is trying to move in with her BF so he can "take care of her."

I think the answer to this whole problem is for BM to remain here and for BM and fiancé to share legal and physical custody. That's what would be best for the child. Let's hope we can get the judge to see that........

[KathyNY]

Sounds like you have the law/statutes on your side, too.  That's great!  

I recommend your fiance stay current w/ his CS payments and get in as much visitation as he can- definitely keep to whatever schedule is in force, and take any extra time that's available.  

Document what you do- for example, on one of the websites I researched, more than one person suggested having receipts, ticket stubs & pictures (for if/when you do go to court) of dad's involvement in the kid's lives all along.  This mainly shows the bond they have to help prove that it would hurt to separate parent & child.  

We have stubs from plays& every type of ball game, pics of the kids w/ dad & family members over the years- including ones of dad w/ kids at BM's house for bdays & holidays the first year after they split.  THAT will definitely show that dad made an effort to see the kids- he was willing to go back to her house, put up w/ her & her family, just to share the holiday w/ the kids!  

Your BM will probably have as small a leg to stand on in court as ours.  Our lawyer is extremely confident that she can NOT win this case, and your situation is so similar.  I wish you the best.  

[melissa3]

Hey!

I was just wondering, how do you introduce pictures, receipts, charts ect. as evedince/exhibits in a hearing?

When we go to court for the relocation hearing, we want to show the court the move is a bad idea. How do we get the judge to look at what we have?

[KathyNY]

Hi melissa3!  Earlier today I sent a posting to your attention under one of your prior posts under the "General" topic, wondering where you're at with your case.

This is a GREAT question.  We have a meeting with our lawyer tomorrow so he can "prep" us for trial.  I will ask him about this.  We, too, have pictures, receipts, calendars showing how we have the kids more now than we would w/ BM's proposed visitation, etc.  

If you guys are Pro Se you'll definitely want to know, so I'll find out whatever I can for you!