advice and help... please..

[bruno]

Hi, I am going through a divorce with 4 children. Right now, the ex. and I have temp. joint custody. We were married 7 years before we decided that it just was not working. In the state of Iowa, temp. joint custody is suppose to be EXACTLY 50/50. I have been getting the kids one extra day a week though. The biggest thing now is she has decided to go for primary custody. The original paperwork on the decree said we wanted joint custody. Nothing has changed except for her attitude.

She wanted me to sign that paper giving her primary custody but I didn't. She said the reason is because I live 45 min away from their school and I was late getting them there one time due to car problems. I said well, I can still have joint custody even if it is better that they stay with you during school. She exploded and said " that's ridiculous and you are a irresponsible father and now I'm going for full custody. I do love my kids and have never hurt them.

I have heard that joint custody is really popular in Iowa but I'm still scared. What should I do, I know I'm going to fight it, but how should i prepare? Any help would be appreciated. NOTE- I think that the reason she is trying for this is because she receives section 8 housing, and numerous other benefits that would be stripped from her if she only has joint custody.....

[Waylon]

I have heard that joint custody is really popular in Iowa but I'm still scared. What should I do, I know I'm going to fight it, but how should i prepare? Any help would be appreciated. NOTE- I think that the reason she is trying for this is because she receives section 8 housing, and numerous other benefits that would be stripped from her if she only has joint custody.....

First thing would be to start reading all the articles here on joint custody as well as full custody. Also read the articles that deal with things like false accusations (which she may resort to)

Start here: search for "custody" (http://deltabravo.net/cms/search.php?q=custody&s=Search&r=0)

Search for articles about false allegations (http://deltabravo.net/cms/search.php?q=false&r=0&s=Search&in=&ex=&ep=&be=&t=all&adv=0)

I'd also suggest you check out the articles on parenting evaluations and changing custody. DO NOT agree to her being the primary- your distance from the school has no bearing on your ability to be a good parent to the children, and bringing them late to school one time won't mean sh*t to the court. (I mean, seriously...late one time? If that's the worst she can say about you then you're in good shape.)

Insist on joint custody with full 50/50 time and 50/50 decision-making responsibility.

[ocean]

If she is receiving gov't funding and you have 50/50, you are right, she may loose the housing all together. Here if the children do not sleep overnight all nights then that child can not be counted in the formula to get approved. Also, some of the child support (if any?) the state may take from her to repay. The state may come after you for medical for children also if she has them covered under the state program. Call and ask a few questions without giving your/her name, just general questions and see what they say.

As for the full custody- Most places will do joint legal custody (for major education or medical decisions) and then a parenting plan that may be 50/50 joint.  Just keep getting them when you are supposed to, document on a calendar when you have them and any issues. Repeat in court you want to be an involved father with your children and have proven in xx months by bringing them to school and being involved. It sounds like someone told her that her benefits will be stripped if this get to be perm orders.