custody battle plz read and give me your input thanks

[tinalee1972]

ok here it goes i have had primary care of my kids since 1997 and only got 50 aweek in child support for 4 boys which was my fault i was young and dumb when i finally left him he told me if you sue me for support i will give up my rights well i didnt know the law so i said fine give me 50 aweek as long as you see your kids.

well that went on all those yrs
ok here is whats going on now ok april 25th my ex was here to pick up are 16 to sleep at his house well our 12 yr old sprained his ankle a few weeks before that well his p.t. told him to use it like normal well my son was skippin down the street and his father seen him and called him to the truck and said you look (bad word) fine your our actin like a (bad word) jerk you act as if you didnt hurt yourself like as if nothing was wrong with you well my son got upset and walked over to me
and said i am sick of it mom i said whats wrong he said dad is callin me a faker and that i never got hurt well i guess my ex told him to get back here after my son was upset he told his father no well the next thing i know he grabs are son and put him up against the garage my ex is 6 1 300 lbs my son is 5 5 130 lbs so my ex blocked me i thought he was yellin at him for walking away from him

well here i finally told him to leave him alone well when my ex walked away my son was holding his throat this was outside of my home where all my sons seen it they told me he had him by the throat well when i took my son into the house he couldnt breathe my bf took him to the sink to try and calm him down by splashin some water on his face he coughed some blood came out i called my exs gf to tell her what he had done she said a father has that right to do that to a child i am like not to mine she said well he does to mine to keep him in line .

i said well you tell him from me he isnt to touch our sons ever,i took my son to the doc he sprained my sons neck and caused a contusion .
well my two sons out of the four didnt want to go over there 12,14 are there ages i said you dont have to .

call when and if you want to there is a custody agreement i dont know the laws but he stopped his 50 aweek for four boys is 13 aweek so i raised them on my own since 97 come on 13 a week he thinks that raises a child so when he stopped the 50 aweek i finally got enough courage to go to the court house to sue him well now that i sued him for support he wants custody.


i was there caregiver since 97 took them to all there docs and dentist and other appointments.went to the schools for help for my sons education which he always says they dont need help they need a foot in there ass.i am concerned i know ppl tell me i shouldnt be but i am ..now my ex has two other children from soon to be ex wife #2which he left her when there son was 2 and she was 5 months pregnant just up went to a bar one nite and never went home ended up with another women and played head games with his soon to be 2nd ex telling her he was gonna come home and then oh im not coming home he drove her to the point where she wanted to harm herself rem she was 5 months pregnant he walked out on her for someone else.he is with that someone else now she does all his talking for him and tells him what to do.

she tried to come in here to tell me what to do cause she buys all my kids theses things and take them to all theses places i dont have to buy my kids i am here to for love ,guidance and to raise my sons .not to buy them to like me .they were always buyin things calling up the boys oh we got (well her son a quad) ,,,but she was telling me oh brandon should come over i got a surprise for him i am like oh yea what she said we bought my son a quad i thought he would like to come ride it i am thinking to myself you bought your son a quad and sayin its a surprise for my son i was confused to me that was a slap in my sons face.i dont know why i am scared to lose my boys i have been there caretaker since 97 ..he is suein on grounds of there grades and i got them all the help i can.two are in summer school.the other one passed ...my oldest graduated   i want to keep my sons i have been here for them .always will be..


i am still till this day contacting the schools to get them help already ,my 14 yr old that did have behavioral problems in school with the teachers i got him a tss worker and a behavioral specialist that come to the home my sons behavioral is being to be a big improvement which my ex told me he doesnt need it.my other son is in another school getting the eduacational help he needs my ex is against that .its like no matter what i do to help my children it isnt good enough or they dont need it.....i cant win with him ...he doesnt know what is means to raise children he has never stuck around to help with it i mean yea he seen them every other weekend if i asked him to help me i got the sorry i have plans or i have to coach football in a town where my sons dont play.they played in one town which we lived in and there father coach in another town which he had no kids of his on that team...so as the yrs went by the kids asked there dad to play on his team just so they can see him and have more playing time that they werent getting from there hometown.


he is living in a 2 bedroom home with his gf and he is still married ,anyway a 2 bedroom she has 2 kids a boy and a girl ,the boy has his own room and the girl sleeps in with my ex and his new gf she is 5 .


plus he has 2 kids from his 2nd wife there 3 and 1 they also sleep in the bedroom with the ex and his gf when they have visitation..

then when my 3 teenaged boys go over there on the floor .in my opinion there isnt enough room for my sons they are trying to shove 3 beds in there attic.

he walked out on his 2nd wife while she was 5 months preg and was at home with there 2 yr old son at the time he went to a bar and never went home..then he would play mind games with his wife telling her one minute i am coming home then calling and saying im not..

then one day he went back to his 2nd wife had sex with her went out to take a walk and ended back with the gf he drove her to the point she tried to kill herself while she was pg.

he has been in a number of relationships my sons seen and heard all of this ,i have been with the same man for 10 yrs lived on my own with my boys for 9 of those years just moved in with him last year...i raised my sons on my own the whole time ...and remained with one man ,,i dont think he is fit to raise my kids with his record i will never stop him from seeing his kids ,,,but there better off living in a home with stability and love and the right guidance

[KathyNY]

Yes, you can fight it, and yes, you have a VERY good chance of keeping custody.  Not only do courts not like to take kids away from their primary caregiver, which you have been all of these years, but your home is obviously the more stable one.  The schools and doctors/dentists offices will have record of your being the parent attending/bringing the kids in for all those visits/meetings/classes.  That counts for A LOT.  

Start documenting- NOW.  Keep track of when your ex sees the kids, which ones go w/ him and for how long, anything derogatory he says or anything physical he does should be reported (did you call the police, or did the doctor suggest you file a police report after your ex hurt your son?)  No documentation will ever be too much- you'll never know what could be useful in a trial.  

If your ex is paying your child support by check, keep record of the checks, or get a record from your back of all the $ he's paid you so they'll see that he dropped the amount.  Even though you don't have anything in writing (do you?) which is NEVER a good thing- get ANY and ALL agreements in writing from now on- if a pattern is established, it will only look bad for him that he changed it to be spiteful.

Good luck.

[ocean]

Let him try...the courts will see this as him trying to get out of child support. Has he officially countersued you for custody? You have two BIG things on your side, you have been primary parent and the kids are old enough to say what they want. Plus he does not have the space to have all those children. Beds are a mandate for each child so until then, he should not have them overnight. He sounds very controlling. If he ever behaves like that again, you should call the police (and let the kids know they can call from his house).
He is just bullying so he does not have to pay. Stick to your state guidelines and do not accept anything less.
Good lucK!

[tinalee1972]

hi kathy       no we never had anything in writing or anything like that for support it was verbal and he only paid my by check maybe 3 times any other time was cash .

i didnt call the police cause i am afraid of my ex but i did tell  his family doc,,,the schools and i called women in crisis.the doctor told me to have my son write his father a note stating how he felt and to tell his dad he hurt him ..well i told the doc i will ask the school guidance counsler sit with him and let him write it cause my ex will be saying i told him what to say ...well my son never got to do that he went to another school and i told the counslers there about the issues wit his father.

i want to thank you so much for responding

[tinalee1972]

ocean

yes he sued me right after he got the support papers and he kept changing our court date for the support till after our custody mediation hearing i  guess he figured he would get custody then he wouldnt have to pay.

oh i wont hesitate ever again to call the police i am tired of being afraid of him and what he ll do .

i am not gonna back down anymore

thanks for responding

[Giggles]

The court will see him for what he is and what he's trying to pull.  Actually this could be a good thing.  That way you can get a detailed parenting plan established, you can also insist that he go to anger management and until he does this he cannot see the boys and perhaps even get HIM to pay for YOUR lawyer!!

Do NOT be afraid of him...stand up to him and get him where it counts.  Also, you may even want to file for a TRO (Restraining order).  From now on if he wishes to see the boys, he is to pick them up at a PUBLIC place. NOT your residence and when it comes time for them to return, again at a PUBLIC place.  

Instruct your boys that if he even so much as rumples their clothes, they are to CALL THE POLICE!!!  NO PARENT has the right to do that to a child EVER!!!  Get a copy of the doctor report as well.  

Your X is being spiteful, don't let him play you.  He's done that far too long!!!  IF you're not sure about anything...you've come to the right place...ask away!!!

[Giggles]

In order for your X to get custody reversed...one thing he HAS to have is...

Clear and convincing evidence of a change in circumstances affecting the child(ren)'s best interests is the burden of proof. He must show that the children's lives are adversely affected by the affirmative actions of the other parent, and that a change of custody will remedy the circumstances.