Help in NJ

[welder13x]

I lost custody of my daughter at 6 months due to a substance abuse issue. She just turned seven and i will be celebrating 4 years recovery at the end of the year. She has been living with my father and his wife; there is no father on my child's birth certificate. The trouble that I have been having is that every time i go to court i am denied. the counselor they go to will not speak to me. my step mother was never able to have a child of her own and wants to raise mine. my father does nothing and my mother lives in AZ. I am alone in this matter. my child is continually brain washed by my sick family and i am getting no where. Unfortunately i don not have the money for a lawyer and do not qualify for legal services. I want custody back before my daughter goes down the same path i did and many others before me. I'm still supervised in public with no reason. please help.

[ocean]

You need to follow the courts rulings and do not miss any visits. Take pictures when you are with child having fun. Make a book.
When is the next time you meet in court? Ask them to set up a gradual schedule of more time. Maybe instead of asking for custody, up the hours and amount of days you get child first. Show them that you are willing to do that. Any other programs or classes they asked you to do, finish and hand in completion papers. Take child CPR class and parenting classes on your own and show them in court. Child is almost ready for public school, ask to be able to be allowed at school functions and activities.
Do you have your own place, will the child have their own room/bed for overnight visits? Are you able to support child on your own since father is not in picture?
All these things come into play in family court.

[welder13x]

i've been paying child support for almost 2 years, have had a steady job for almost a year; prior to that i was getting laid off in the winter. i have a 3br home with 1 room dedicated to my daughter. they do not want me to get her back, i have shown countless supportive paperwork: substance evals, drug tests, letter from work and church and people in aa, counselor reports, volunteered for parenting classes... they have a lawyer and i have been pro-se, they keep asking for baby steps. then they accused me of something ridiculous and i lost time... now its been 7 months and nothing has changed... it seems that no one wants to step up and give me a chance, even the mediator doesn't understand.

[welder13x]

they do not included me in her activities outside of my parenting time. My daughter says well i wanted to tell you, but mommy won't let me. yes they have convinced her to call them mommmy and daddy... i make every visit, on time, every time, i have countless photos of us having fun together...

[ocean]

You do not qualify for legal aid?

Do you have a court date in the future?
When was the last time you were in court? If it has been a few months, you can file for modification of visitation/parenting plan and the reason "mother has shown up to all visits and done everything the courts have asked, mother requests increased visitation with child. Mother also requests that she be included in all activities and school functions and to be allowed to be involved with her schooling/teachers. Mother requests that no one other than the bio parents be called mother or father."

The courts would have to address these concerns. You can try and file the paperwork yourself, it is usually free or small fee and the courts usually have someone that will type it up for you as you tell them what is going on. Call family court intake unit and ask where there office is. You can then try to hire a lawyer just to show up at the court dates (cheaper and not to deal with grandparents , just the court dates).

[welder13x]

i do not have a court date pending, i would have to file. last time was in early January '12. keeping me abreast of all affairs is written in the court order, but they do not comply, i have told the judge and the mediator. i've asked for holidays, my stepmother makes up her own rules and no one cares. i have been filing my own paperwork but nothing seems to work, looking for a different way, maybe a parent or custaody evaluation, a probono lawyer or something anything, my daughter is suffering

[ocean]

Have you had a law guardian assigned at all?  You can request the modification and part of that paperwork put in that you would like a law guardian assigned to the case to ensure what is in the best interest of the child. This person will talk to child, see child with them, interview you and be the child's "lawyer" in court and tell judge what they have seen and what they think should happen.

If they are not following the court orders you can file contempt of court papers but I would do that with the next set of papers, just so the judge re-tells the grandparents that they must follow the paperwork and keep you informed.
If you do not have times on the court orders for holidays or dont have them listed, in the modification paperwork you can ask for specific times as mother has been denied or given a hard time of when she can see her daughter on holidays.

[welder13x]

i was looking into a law guardian, but hit a dead end... they allow a 3rd party to evaluate only when dyfs is involved (my case is closed), it really stinks. idk what to do or who to turn to. every time i file they tend to inform the baby too much.. . at 1 point (with me being informed) she was having nightmares and behavioral issues, and didnt want to see me or talk to me on the phone. i'd like to file for what i feel is righteous but i fear their insecurities will affect my child.

[welder13x]

(without me being informed)

[ocean]

Maybe ask if they would go to counseling with you? If they say no, you can ask the courts to make counseling for all parties mandatory. This way you are all in the same room, and maybe work on some issues and open the communication more and have a joint working relationship with them raising her.

Once child is in school and activities, as long as you have court orders saying you are allowed to be there, go right to the school, teachers, coaches and get the schedules and when you can be there. Be involved that way too.