Man gaining full custody...

[baltimore_father]

Mentally preparing myself for my first divorce. We have a 23 month old and I'm thinking about fighting for custody. We currently reside in Baltimore, MD. Does anyone know how easy, or hard it is for a hard working father to win full custody. To be fair, my wife is a good mother. Her problems are mainly financial (bad credit in 2 countries) and psychological (adult ADD). Any advice?

[ocean]

Still very hard in most states for father to gain full custody unless there is a flight risk of your ex to take child to another country or abuse.
You should get joint legal custody with not too much problem. That is for doctors and picking schools that you both have a say on anything legal.
You can fight hard for joint physical too. If you will be living close by to her, have room/bed/crib for baby. There are many ways this can be done 3/4/3/4, one week one parent other week other parent. Longer weekends. If you both work, you can use the same babysitter/daycare. If she is not working, it will be harder as you would need daycare and if she can watch baby, baby should be with one parent over daycare.

Most fathers get every other weekend and a day or two during the week. You can push for longer weekends on your times. Since this is a baby, you can ask for a few days a week, few hours at a time after work, then every other weekend and have a gradual increase in writing. When child is 3 visitation will be changed to xyz. Look up parenting plans and find one that give you the most time with your child when you are not at work.

[MixedBag]

And since you mention bad credit in other "countries" -- think passport.....either don't sign for one or if the child has one, see if you can be the one to control or HAVE it in your possession.

[this2shallpass]

Be sure to discuss the adult ADD and being an expert. My biggest regret is that I didn't make my ex's ADD an iss sue because it is the main cause of all of the coparenting issues in the years since. It was hard to see how it would be a problem when our kids were babies/toddlers, but they are now in elementary school. My ex can not handle the complex schedules of three kids (3 sets of homework, 3 different PE schedules, 3 different instruments, and 3 different after school activities), but he either insists on doing it (and leaving me to clean up the mess) or insists the kids screwed up somehow.

[baltimore_father]

Quick question..... If I were to win joint leagal and/or joint custody custody, does that absolve me from having to pay child support?

[tigger]

CS depends on how your state calculates it.  In NC it is based on the combined incomes of the parents and amount of time spend in each household.

[EdgeOfReason]

Some states use time in their formula's for CS, some don't.  If you make 100k a year and your ex makes 50k a year and you split the time equally, you probably would still end up paying something because of income disparity. 

My dh has legal and physical custody of his kid.  I will tell you it was and continues to be a hard, expensive battle.  He's been in and out of court pretty much every year since he left her.  Our state says that all a parent needs to file a custody modification is the feeling that it in the kids best interest.  That.  Is.  It.

I digress ...

I will also tell you that unless she is beating the kid, has a couple duis under her belt, or some other blatant form of abuse (not mental/emotional, that doesn't count), you're flushing your money down the drain.

Shoot for joint physical and joint legal from the start.  I'd also suggest visitibg some father's rights sites to ensure your behavior supports your goal of joint L/P custody.

[baltimore_father]

Can anyone help me with these questions?:

1.  Can we (wife and I) be legally seperated in Maryland, while living in the same home?

2. Does having bad credit negatively effect one's attempt to gain full custody of children?

3. Can one still pay child support is the court grants shared custody?

Thanks in advance

[ocean]

Custody does not go by good/bad credit although either spouse can bring it up at trial. Most cases settle and do not get to trial. As long as the kid(s) have a roof, clothes, own bed, and food-this is what judges care about.

Yes, even if shared custody situations, if one parent makes a lot more than the other parent, they can be ordered to pay child support so the kids have the same quality of life as before the divorce. You can agree to whatever you want instead (one parent pays medical, other pays dance lessons...whatever).

Look up MD legal separation. Different states have different laws on that and even on divorce. In my state you could live together as long as you sign legal separation papers and then a divorce a year after that. Bills in your name, pay. Any joint accounts, get name off or close account. Any accounts with money in it, split or fight it in the divorce. Your separation papers can include what you are splitting.

You can go to family court and fill our temporary custody papers. Ask for temp custody and for child to stay in house with you until trial. This is faster/cheaper (no filing fees or small fee) and you can win custody in family court and just include those papers in the separation/divorce papers. Call a lawyer for a free or nominal fee for one hour of consultation. Pick a lawyer that is in your area that knows what the current judges will most likely order.

Get proof of you wife medical ADD diagnosis now if possible. If she takes her meds that should not become a major issue. If she does have issues you have to document it somehow. If it is verbal, tape it/record it.

[baltimore_father]

Thanks Ocean. Your advice has been valuabe. I have another question is that is slightly related to this topic. My wife is asking to pay our joint bills (mortgage, car, power, electric etc...) to be paid based on a percentage (since I make slightly more than she). She is asking to see my pay stubs, since she evidentially does not believe what I'm telling her I make. I'm hesitant to show her my paystub for fear she will use the information for something else (i.e. calculating child support). She states she will not "pay a dime" unless I prove to her my salary. Unfortunately, I am unable to pay the bills without her help. What do you think I should do? Thanks in advance.