HELP--- Joint Physical Custody (9 years) and now a move?

[JCOmaha]

Hello everyone:

I have never posted on a blog before, so please bear with me.  

I am a single divorced father of a beautiful 12 year old girl who lives with her mother and I 50% of the time.  We have basically two households that are very similar, her own bedroom, similar toys, etc.  We have managed for nine years with no issues.

I travel for my job, but most of the travel is made around my visitation schedule, like 80% of the time, my girl doesn't even know I am gone because I am back to pick her up from school.  Rarely, my parents pick her up at school and I get her on the way home from the airport, but I only travel 1-2 times per month.

Two weeks ago, I was informed that her mother plans on relocating 4 hours away to live with her new husband.  Her new husband has always lived four hours away, and they have managed to date via driving, long weekends, etc for the last three years.  Now, as you can only imagine, she and he are wanting this to stop and now want my daughter to do the traveling back and forth to this far away city.  Not only is the change in the custody and visitation a big deal for everyone involved in our daughter's life, it is a significant amount of time our girl now has to spend driving back and forth in a car, not to mention how tired she will be when she actually gets to where she is visiting.

I guess I am looking for anyone who may have experienced a similar situation that could, if nothing else, provide me some words of wisdom to best help our daughter through this time in her life.  She is not excited about all of this and I don't want bad-mouth her mother, but also want her to know as much of the truth about what is going on as possible...anyone have any ideas?

Thanks in advance.

[mistoffolees]

You might want to check the Socrateaser board. Also, do you have an attorney?

You sound like you're convinced that the outcome is for the daughter to move away. I don't know about your state, but in my state, that's not a sure thing at all (perhaps not even likely). Your arguments are:

1. You have joint physical custody. She spends 50% of her time with you, so her relationship with you is as important as her relationship with her mother.
2. Moving her would disrupt her education.
3. Moving her would take her away from her friends and social network - which is not a good thing, particularly in the preteen years.
4. There is no overriding reason why she needs to be moved. The situation is working today and the mother wants to move solely for her own convenience. There's no reason your daughter should suffer (by being removed from half of her family, her friends, her neighborhood, school, etc) simply for the mother's convenience. The mother continuing in her current 'distant marriage' situation is far less damaging to the daughter than throwing the girl's life away to make Mom's life easier.

Keep in mind that if you do decide to fight this, two things matter:
1. Make sure you do it before she moves. After she moves and gets settled, makes friends, etc, your argument becomes weaker.
2. Focus on the impact on the daughter. THAT is what the court should be focused on. Your feelings don't really matter (to the court).

Good luck.

[Sherry1]

have 50/50 right now, chances are you will be able to retain primary custody of the child.  Basically, your ex can move, the child just can't.