Custody Change so a parent can move out of state

[Perplexedinfl]

First I just want it noted that I am getting a lawyer but my panicked mind wants to reach out now and get feedback

A little back story, EW decided she no longer wanted to be a wife and mother, we sat down in Feb of 2006 to a "soul searching" conversation where she felt like she was trapped and was to young to be a mother ( she was 34 ) and she was overwhelmed and just needed a break. I was left with the kids while she went out and "found herself" an  account on match.com and was living with someone by march of 2006. we divorced in Oct 2006 and in nov 2006 she announced she was pregnant and getting married, this is her 4th child by her 3rd husband,

     Our custody arrangement,,,I have the kids on Th,F,S,sun, she has them from sun 6 pm until 9 am Thursday, And yes I pay child support even though technically i have the kids more,It was the only way to stop being dragged to court and get on with our lives ( my GF was dealing with cancer and treatments at the time and I was trying to finish school to provide a better life for my family,,,so I was picking my battles)

    So the new husband turns out to be a nice guy, he takes good care of the kids and is a true family man ( like i am) he spends a lot of time with the kids enriching their lives even more, i have no issues with him, As soon as I met and moved in with someone thats when the complaints started,,,,ive been with my GF since aug 2006 and shes great with the kids, She gets along great with the kids and 7 years later she has a fantastic relationship with my kids, my son who is 11 and  aspergers will only do certain things with only her, she has a good understanding of him and he is very comfortable with her, the school counselors have even said that unless the mom steps in then she is the best person to fill that gap and o take it away can set him back, , she has been to every single field trip, every single school play, school concert and not because she is trying to push thier mom out of the way, every single email she sends a teacher states that she wants to give thier mom the first opportunity to go on trips, if thier mom goes to a play she will stay home because the kids mom makes everyone feel bad, she does most of these things per the kids request,they see that she does all this stuff with her son and when they ask thier mom she tells them no shes busy so they ask my GF and she says yes, we feel they shouldnt be denied those things just because their mom doesn't want to participate,  they genuinely like her and want to be around her just like they adore thier stepfather,

So in April of 2012 she leaves husband number 3 and tells him the same thing,,she doesn't want to be a wife and mother , she feels suffocated, so this is family #2 she has decided she wants to tear apart, never mind the kids adore their stepdad and are devastated they can no longer see him, So I reached out to him after their seperation and found he missed the kids just as much and we get together every weekend with the kids at a park, he attends thier birthdays and I even shared fathers day with him and invited him out to dinner with us,

So EW leaves her husband in april 2012 and in june of 2012 she moves in with a new boyfriend who the kids hate, he smokes in the house and the kids say he smells horrible, my daughter who is 12 is afraid to sleep because she says this guy creeps her out, ive talked to the mom about their excess smoking and drinking(mom is an alcoholic) around the kids,,,the kids have actually said to me that if mom didnt drink so much they can afford better food and new clothes at their moms house, she basically told me to F off and mind my own business,

So in Dec 2012 she finally leaves new boyfriend and hooks up with a man who is 25 years older than her, She moved in with him into his house 2 weeks after they met, I just found out that they have taken the kids to several places outside our county and its in our divorce papers that she needs to give me 24 hours notice to leave the county, So now in may she decided to take the kids to PA for 2 weeks with her new BF, nothing i can do, she has every right to take them on 1 vacation a year, and she tells me int he time allotted,,,,,so the kids get back 2 weeks ago and she informs me yesterday via text that she is moving to PA to be with her BF and she IS taking the kids!!!
       First of all ,,,no. Im not a deadbeat weekend dad who doesn't care about my kids, I am involved in every activity they belong to, My son is in gifted and talented classes and established with his friends and teachers and he doesn't make friends easy, plus my daughter is already on track to do dual enrollment once she hits HS and is in the florida baccalaureate. They have 2 sets of grandparents here plus other various forms of extended family, in PA they have no one, not to mention her youngest son is severely autistic and she has done nothing to get him tested, if the dad tries she interferes, just like with us, i try to get my daughter to counseling and she flips out and cancels it every time and in florida when divorced you cant take your kid to counseling unless both parents agree, also my daughter has tried depseratly to join a swim team but her mom has her mon, tues and wed and refuses to take her and wont allow me to pick her up and take her because its "not my time" and my daughter is missing out , all we can do at this point is join the Y and let her practice her laps until we can get this issue resolved, grrrr i am so frustrated, i am so sorry this post is so long, its hard to sum it all up in a short paragraph,

I know that she doesnt really have a chance to get aproved to take the kids clear across the country away from family and established lives and school programs but there is still that one chance she might get full custody of them,

[tigger]

Take a deep breath and relax.  You're smart to get a lawyer.  If you haven't been documenting for the past 7 years, try to go back and document now.  Saved emails, letters, anything that shows how involved you've been and how she's interfered with activities or hasn't been involved with activities.  Anything from teachers.  You'll need to file to stop the move of the children - she can go but the children stay.  Has she given you anything in writing or did she just state it?

[Perplexedinfl]

No nothing in writing per say,,just a text that says "I just wanted to let you know i am moving to PA by the end of the summer and I am taking the kids with me"
  she also just texted me an hour ago asking if im mad and can we talk, I replied with, I am not mad and this is not up for discussion unless your going to tell me that you are moving to PA without the kids, and she says just call so I did,

She was actualy open to the idea of leaving the kids as long as she doesnt have to pay child support, I am not about to tell her this but if she goes and leaves the kids im more than happy to keep paying her child support .

[ocean]

Have YOUR lawyer write up the new agreement of when she will now get kids with no child support. Put in there mother's day weekend, her birthday? what to do with kids birthdays? if she is in your area? Long school vacations? Summers? Sign it and file it as a court order.

Then if you need child support in the future, that can always be reopened pretty easily, once you had kids a while and have full time care. (teens, activities, educational costs). You may get her to agree to no child support, split activities/educational costs 50/50 and out of pocket medical 50/50 BUT if she balks on this, give in and deal with it later.

[Kitty C.]

And above all else....do NOT tell her you would continue to pay her CS if she moves without the kids!  If that is something you truly are willing to do, keep that up your sleeve...it may be an ace in the hole that you can use later to negotiate if she still insists on taking the kids with her.  But....and this is JMO....I would ONLY use it if she still pushes in court to take the kids. 
As for the other expenses (activities, medical, education, etc.), I would negotiate those separately.  If she is saying now that she doesn't want to have to pay CS, it's highly possible she will seriously balk at splitting expenses.  And even if she agrees, don't count on getting reimbursed by her.  Which is why it would be senseless to pay her any kind of CS....because I have a feeling that if she is willing to move without the kids, expect to pay 100% of everything for the kids.

[MixedBag]

And stickt what's relevant for the kids.

I too have been married, divorce, married, divorced, married, divorced....you get the idea.  Doesn't make me a bad mom -- my decisions have sucked in terms of men -- and NO the divorces are not all my fault either.  There's a difference.

[ocean]

I would not allow her out of the county or state either at this point with child. When you see lawyer, see if they are willing to file a ex-parte (emergency) restraining order to keep child in same county until a custody hearing is set. This will make her stay where she is or allow child to stay with you if she chooses to move early. You can ALWAYS agree and cancel the hearing and input a new court order.

It would be a court battle if she took kids on "vacation" or just left with them and then you trying to get someone to force her back with kids. It can be done BUT hard and expensive. Careful to trust her right now... She may try and file in PA which should not take the case but it will be months in/out of court straightening out the mess. Bottom line, is lawyer should be filing NOW for custody hearing in court in your county.

Call the school district and make sure you are notified if she asks for them to be exited and records moved somewhere else. Call every few days. As the kids father you have the right to know and have access to their records. If the local school is closed, call district office and have them put a flag on child's records to call you if anyone asks to pull them out of district.

Biggest concern: she takes kids on her days to PA and does not return them. Then you are dealing with two states/counties and local police usually do not get involved at all and make a report, tell you to deal with it in family court. Who does it say is primary custody in the current papers you have now? 

[Davy]

At this point your best endeavor would be to become familiar with interstate custody laws (ie UCCJEA and PKPA) BEFORE retaining legal advice/counsel.  These statues govern all states under a national standards act. 

In brief and for clarity.  None of us are attorneys (except by fire) but "Ex-Parte" in legal ease means "without notice" to a party because such notice may prove counter productive to protecting the children.  So your filing will be titled "Motion for Ex Parte Emergency Temporary Custody" (or words to that effect).  Simply put, the interstate custody laws deal with custody orders not restraining orders.  A judges' authority ends at the state line.  Notice the school district with a signed/filed custody order.  Do not call.  Law enforcement will contact should the kids disappear to points unknown otherwise the school district is without any auhority.

About CS.  My strong opinion is that you should remain completly silent concerning this issue while expecting the court to further protect the children.  It has always been shown that a parent providing financial support is more likely to be involved with the children life in other ways.

Aside from the threat to relocate child/children to a foreign state thus justifying an ex-parte action and based on your posting it appears a new custody arrangement is necessary naming you the primary parent. 

Focus on the well being of the children in all ways.  Best to all !!!

[ocean]

At least in NY, they will not change custody and place child with father on ex-parte without immediate danger/neglect. If poster gets a restraining order not to remove child out of state, the police will/can enforce that order over county/state lines. Judges more inclined to give that as they are not changing custody. At the very least, this needs to be in front of a judge soon before mom takes child and enrolls child in new school, then it will be very hard to pull child out of new school.

[Davy]

For sake of gaining a proper perspective in these matters it should be acknowledged that the UCCJA was initiated in 1968.  The Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA) became the law of the land in 1981 and was necesssary mostly because some rogue judges refused to protect children by NOT following the statues.  Think PC.  Maintaining the status quo.

I have in hand, the May 11, 1998 issue of "Time" magazine featuring the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children citing approx 163,000 children transported out of state.  Many children experienced serious mental harm and/or incidents of physical abuse.

It follows, among reasonable and rational people, that removing a child/children from a left-behind parent repreents a form of danger/neglect to children as well as a self imposed "change of custody".  Besides the way jurisprudence works, a party makes a motion and the other party (not present) does not oppose then a court has no choice in the matter.

Hope this makes sense !