Frustrated child has a cell phone

[superdad01]

So my 11 year old child has a cell phone provided by her mom that is being used as essentially an umbilical  cord to her mother. Now I don't have an issue with child talking to her mom, however it seems that checking for moms call becomes the focus of the day. The phone is all the child concentrates on. She had a previous phone that broke one day. Somehow I was blamed for it. Just tired of dealing with it.


Mom allows child to basically do nothing all day. Sit in the house all day and watch tv and play on her phone. We do not allow this at our house. Child is outside doing things and we don't let her carry the phone with her. The phone remains in the house on the counter. If you want to call someone use it. If someone calls you. Answer it. In fact, once the child forgets about the phone it is not an issue.


Mom recently lectured me on allowing child to have the phone. saying I am supposed to allow child access to her etc. The last time it was 3 or 4 phone calls in one day.  All it does is interrupt the child's day with me. It also makes her focus on mom when she is with me.  child thinks that moms rules should apply in our household.


Mom also thinks me not letting her carry her phone around denies her right to contact her whenever she wants. I said if she don't answer leave a message and she will call you back.


The child also has a password on her phone that I am not supposed to know. I think I have a right to know it. it's a smart phone that has internet access and well you know somebody needs to keep an eye on what's going on.
I'm sure some of you have dealt with a issue like this.

[ocean]

Oh yes, Your house , your rules. Period.

Get password from child or she is not allowed to use phone except phone calls to her mother. Period, the end. lol

Either keep your rules, or shut phone off and tell mom/child she can call mom each night before bed.

Are you allowed to call this phone and child answers it when at mom's? (my guess is no , so see above).

Don't worry about her threats, you are allowing her access and if she ever got this into court, just ask for times for mother to call. Some people have gotten it so that it is not even every day as other parent was interfering with the visits.

11 is still young, now when she is 14 and above.....cell phone is connecting to them at the ear! lol and it is not to either parent, friends only.

Your house, your rules, ignore mom's rants/calls/emails/texts. State is one or two times and move on and ignore.

[MixedBag]

what was said!
find a good balance, inform mom and then move on.

[superdad01]

find a good balance, inform mom and then move on.


LOL  Easier said then done, but I try.  It's all her just trying to continue to alienate the child. She has calmed down on some things but it seems she tries to overcompensate on others. It's like I can't let the child have to much fun at Dads house.


She will call her just to tell her she is not feeling well or whatever, so then child has to spend time at my house worrying about mom. child has told people that mom is her best friend.


The one thing that really burns me is she has a best friend that is one of my friends kids. For the last 2  years her birthday has fallen on weeks I do not have her. You would think mom would make an attempt to take child to her friends birthday party. Nope. My friend's kid spent the whole day crying because her best friend did not show up to her party. The kid that absolutely hates to go shopping was all of a sudden really needed to go school shopping that day.  Now My friends kid's birthday is next weekend. I'm am already hearing excuses so I see it happening again.  By the way My friend kid has made every single one of my child's birthdays.


Our child seems to have issues making friends. One reason I feel is mom does not want the child to have any. because then she would not be so dependent on mom. Then mom gets mad at me for lecturing our child on how she needs to treat her friends good because if you treat them bad you might lose them.


Anyways I know I got a bit off target here but Dam I'm frustrated.  We are actively seeking counseling for child.

[ocean]

You are trying to deal with an uncooperative person so stop trying. You know she is not going to switch weekends or bring child on her days to a party. So, all you can do it ask once. Maybe offer to have a sleepover with birthday girl the following weekend? Your friend should know that your child can only be there on your weekends. Not saying they should cater to you, but they know the situation and if the girls want to be together then it needs to be on your time.

Treat ex as a business partner. Answer what needs to be answered with a short one sentence and ignore the rest or any responses. Your house , your rules. If mom is interfering, then one phone call each night to say how her day was and say goodnight. (or each morning , if that works better in your house). Tell ex your house rules and if there is an emergency she can text you. If she calls, ignore, voicemail, see what she wants and probably ignore or text a simple response and ignore again.

[MixedBag]

use the cell phone and call the child to stay connected with her too while she is at mom's....

Let's see how mom likes to be on the receiving end and then implement the same rules....or call once a day and then shut it off rule.

[EdgeOfReason]

I can tell you how we handled this. 

(NC)Mom tried on several occasions to insert a phone into our home starting when the kid was 9.  She asked us and we said no.  Then she got tired of asking and sent an email declaring what she was going to do.  So, we responded that if she were to do that, we would pack it up and mail it back.  And, we did.  She complained about it the next time we were in court and how she was to contact the kid (via the landline) was written into the order.

You know what mom is trying to do, disrupt your time.  It's a form of remote control.  Mom and kid are so enmeshed that neither can go without contact for what, a weekend?

You best bet here is to decide what is reasonable.  The kid broke the last phone, so it's reasonable that the phone be put away while the kid is in your care.  Or, you can ask that she just not send the phone with the kid.

As for the amount of calls, if you have the kid eow, one call prompted by the kid to mom would be reasonable.  Mom should be able to go without calling the kid.  Landline is fine.

I will suggest that if you were to take this to court (which will be hard because she has the records, not you) your angle needs to be that mom is purposely disrupting your time ... several calls a day is a good case on that.