dad wtih custody

[mistoffolees]

>my ex is now stalking me.
>
>I've had custody for 10 years now that my atty has petitioned
>the courts for child support that my ex hasn't paid in 4
>years. my ex wife is becoming ridiculous. She's emailing
>organizations within our community that she knows I'm part of
>asking about times I'll be there when I leave etc. my child
>plays sports in our town and she has emailed the organization
>we are part of for practice times dates etc. However, I coach
>her team and I've already supplied that information. She has
>even gone as far to email parents on our team asking personal
>questions about our team, when we will be at certain places
>and the times. I'm concern as to the welfare of my child. I'm
>concern as to the welfare of myself as well. she is also
>stalking me via the internet by accessing my credit report,
>mortgage, etc. I have proof that this has happened because she
>will be smart and email me harassing me about this and that.
>
>1.   Can I get a protective order? if so what good do they do?

Possibly. You have to be able to convince the judge that you are concerned for your safety and/or your child(ren)'s safety. That doesn't sound like it's going to be easy if she's never threatened you.

OTOH, some of what she appears to be doing violates Federal laws. If she is accessing your credit report without permission, it's illegal. Your attorney should be able to guide you. IIRC, she could spend time in jail for that.

>2.   I'm the CP can I get supervised visitation for her until
>the courts can rule on her mental state?

No. At the very least, you need to get the court to rule that there's an imminent danger. That is, you can request an emergency hearing for protection, but there's no way to change visitation without a court ruling.

And, as I said, I don't see any evidence that she's a danger, so getting supervised visitation is a stretch unless there's something you haven't told us.

>3.   I've feared her attempting to file for custody but these
>are the exact reason why she should not be granted custody. Do
>you agree being I've had my child for 10 yrs now.

I don't know your circumstances, but unless there are skeletons in your closet, it's very unlikely that she's going to be able to convince anyone that custody should be changed. Judges like to leave things the way if they can unless there's a problem. She'd have to show that the child is being harmed by being with you and that she's better. If they're doing OK socially and in school, that's a hard thing to prove.

>4.             how would a judge view the stunts she's
>pulling?

They won't like it, but that doesn't mean that they'll give you a protection order in the absence of danger.

More likely is that it's a contempt issue. In my state, almost every divorce decree includes wording that the parties need to refrain from harrassing each other and need to avoid anything that smacks of parental alienation. If you have something like that, she's probably in violation and could be cited for contempt. If not, you'll probably need to file for a modification and get it added.

[John-J-Jay]

I was served with a counter petition from my ex stating the following:
"The order to be modified is based on a prior order. Counter-Petitioner DOES NOT beleive that there has been a substantial and material change in circumstances since the entry of the last order. However, if the court finds that there has been a change. Counter Peittioner request that she be named the primary custodian of the child."


As you know i filed a motion because my ex isn't paying child support becuase there isn't a order to pay. So i think she should pay. I'm also asking that i be given time during the holidays. I get -0- time during the holidays. I haven't had my child for Christmas, thanksgiving or Summer break for 4 yrs. I've had custody for 8.

Do you my friends on this board think I should back away and have my case dismissed? She's not really contesting cusotdy but if the court orders her to pay child support, standard visitation etc she will fight for custody.  what is your opinion?

[Sherry1]

so that people know you have an update.

[mistoffolees]

I think you've been given your answer quite a few times.

As long as your story is completely accurate and the child(ren) are doing well in the current scenario, it's unlikely that the courts are going to change custody at this point.

Yes, it happens, but it's just not very likely.

The issues are:
1. Have there been any changes in circumstances since the last order? If not, you may have a hard time getting the changes.
2. You seem very very nervous about this situation - even after getting repeated assurances that the courts are unlikely to change custody in this scenario. Is there something else you're not disclosing?
3. Assuming that there's no skeleton in the closet, actinb paranoid is going to work against you. You need to take the position that the kid(s) is(are) doing well and that it would be absurd to even consider a change in custody - and that it's only being brought up because you want support for the children. The more you run around worrying about the kids being taken from you, the more it looks like you have something to hide.

If you're really concerned, see an attorney who knows the judge you'll be in front of and can tell you more about what's likely to happen. In fact, I wouldn't do this without an attorney, anyway.

Finally, ask yourself if it's worth the aggravation. You have the child(ren) most of the  time and are managing financially. Add up the pluses and minuses of going forward (again, your attorney can tell you what you're likely to receive in support and what will be the most likely visitation schedule). After you know what's on the table, you can decide if you want to pursue it. At some point, it's worth getting on with your life (my ex received $300 per month from her wealthy - $200 K per year - first husband for each of her 2 kids even though she had full custody and he only saw them perhaps 30 nights per year. If we had gone to court, he'd have been paying many times that level, but it just wasn't worth the bother so we left it the way it was).

[John-J-Jay]

very good point in your post. I don't have anything to hide, nothing to be concern with. However she knows the only thing that would rock my world would be to loose custody. So that's why I worry. But being i don't have any time during the summer, christmas, thanksgiving etc is that right for my child not to have any of those times with her dad?

I didn't file a motion for myself i filed a motion for my child. she deserves to have somewhat of a normal life with both parents. My ex makes about $80K a year and hasn't supplied nothing for school, medical, clothing etc for our child yet is I ask for child support in lieu she wants to fight. I don't get how parents thank like that.

[mistoffolees]

Then make the decision and take action. Agonizing over it for 3 months isn't going to do anyone any good.

Again, a good attorney can tell you what you're likely to see for a visitation schedule. I wouldn't be surprised for her to get most of the summer and at least alternating holidays, plus school breaks. You can always recommend that she get less than that, but I would assume worst case - which won't be all that different than what you have now (except that you'll get half the holidays).

And you need to get away from thinking about what's right and what isn't. She can do all sorts of things that you won't have control over. What you need to do is focus on what you CAN control and take appropriate action rather than being frozen into inaction because of fears of some terrible thing that might happen. I'm not saying you shouldn't weigh the risk. You need to weigh the risk, but then either drop it or take action. And let it go.

[Jade]

>I was served with a counter petition from my ex stating the
>following:
>"The order to be modified is based on a prior order.
>Counter-Petitioner DOES NOT beleive that there has been a
>substantial and material change in circumstances since the
>entry of the last order. However, if the court finds that
>there has been a change. Counter Peittioner request that she
>be named the primary custodian of the child."
>
>
>As you know i filed a motion because my ex isn't paying child
>support becuase there isn't a order to pay. So i think she
>should pay. I'm also asking that i be given time during the
>holidays. I get -0- time during the holidays. I haven't had my
>child for Christmas, thanksgiving or Summer break for 4 yrs.
>I've had custody for 8.
>
>Do you my friends on this board think I should back away and
>have my case dismissed? She's not really contesting cusotdy
>but if the court orders her to pay child support, standard
>visitation etc she will fight for custody.  what is your
>opinion?

My opinion is that she won't win custody and that she will be ordered to pay child support.  I also think that you will get alternating holidays.  

[dipper]

I am confused.  Your ex is saying there has been no change that would require her to pay support?  But, if there is a reason she should have to pay support then she wants the children?

That is BS.  Having to pay child support is not a criteria for best interest of the children that would warrant a change in custody.

Sounds like her own words do her in.....I would not worry about it.  We never know what will happen in court, but what she is trying makes no sense.  

[John-J-Jay]

yes you are correct in what you read. She doesn't believe that their has been a substantial change, however if the court finds one she wants custody.

In other words i'm seeking child support and standard visitation, if the court grants this she will "TRY" to seek custody. I think her own words in her counter motion will do her in, once the judge see's the case in full.

[HelpingHands]

Why don't you drop the visitation part of your action and seek child support only? Once mom has to shell out $$ per month, she may end up less inclined to visit as frequently. No I am not saying put her in a financial strain where she can't afford to see her child. Weigh whether you want all year with your child or are you willing to give up the holidays in exchange? The judge may see you as being 'greedy' and trying to take precious parenting time away from mom. Judges are funny.

I don't see that there is a change in circumstances to modify or change the visitation schedule, but once you open THAT can of worms you open the whole custody/visitation can of worms. It appears mom just opened it because she is counter-suing you for change in custody. I don't know if dropping your action would automatically drop her custody action or not.

Sometimes you have to just be happy that you are the one raising your child daily and in exchange for that you lose out on other things. A holiday is just another day. Celebrate the weekend before or after. We've been told this by the GAL  re: time she's not going to be spending at home during the holidays.  Find a way for it to work.