mother fled before paternity test

[JM]

I live in Tennessee. An old girlfriend contacted me 3 months ago and told me we had a 1 year old daughter together. All evidence indicated that she was telling the truth. Long story short, I flew across the country and moved them back here and me and the mother dated and tried to be a "family". It was actually going pretty well...

I finally scheduled a paternity test in order to make everything legal between me and the child. The mother said she was fine with it, but the day before the test I came home to find that she had disappeared with $1500 of my money. I contacted her mother (baby's grandmother) who said she had gotten in an argument with her the day before because she had came to the grandmother's house drunk with the baby in the car.

Now I have reason to believe that she is in another state with an old boyfriend who has a criminal record a mile long, a history of drug abuse and alcoholism, and outstanding warrants in my state. I believe they were planning this for a week or more, and she fled before the test so I couldn't have any control over the child.

If this kid weren't mne, I'd have no choice but to walk away, but if it is, I have to get her and give her a good home (yes I can and will provide that).

I have hired a lawyer who is filing a petition to ask the court to force a paternity test, but if she is served with papers, she will just disappear again. I assume the only repercussion would be that she gets a contempt of court charge in my state, and she wouldn't care about that.

I've spoken with the police but they can't do anything.

Is there anything else I can do?

[mistoffolees]

Ask your attorney if you can get the FBI involved. They are very serious about child kidnapping.

My guess is that they can't get involved because the mother has a legal right to go wherever she wants (and you haven't even been proven to be the father, yet), but it might be worth asking.

Given the circumstances, I'd ask for an emergency ex parte hearing demanding custody of the child since the mother is driving drunk with the child in the car and she's keeping the child from you. Again, you may have trouble without the paternity test, but again ask your lawyer if it's worth a shot.

Probably your best shot is to have the test ordered by the court and then have the police show up with you at her boyfriend's house to enforce the order.

[JM]

No law enforcement is interested because I'm not proven to be the father. They wouldn't even write a report on the stolen money because she's nowhere nearby (great cops around here).

I have to get the test before asking for custody. It's going to be ordered by the court, but she's in a different state. Will the sherriff's office in another state help me enforce the test that was ordered in my state?

[mistoffolees]

Ask Socrateaser.

http://deltabravo.net/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=106

[JM]

I've confirmed that she is with the guy, I just don't have an address yet. I've been reading up on Child Support Enforcement and the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act and it looks like I can have a paternity test enforced across state lines. I just need to talk to the right people. She can still flee from a test, but the federal government can get involved and track her down until it's done.

Anyone care to speculate on my chances for getting custody if the child is mine? I think the facts are in my favor, but I have to remember that I will be trying to take a one year old baby that I barely know from a mother.

Facts:
Good for me:
The mother didn't tell me I had a child until a few days before it's first birthday.

The mother told me she did a drugs when she was pregnant, but I can't prove it, although I bet a drug test would come back positive at the present time. (Can I ask the court for a surprise drug test when I find this girl? I don't want to give her any time to do any tricks to get any drugs out of her system)

The child's grandmother can testify that the mother was driving drunk at least once with the child in the car and that she found many beer cans in her house after the mother left.

The mother is living with a man who has outstanding arrest warrants, several DUIs, and a history of drug abuse. The grandmother can testify as to what a waste of oxygen this guy is, a simple check with the police will back that up.

She stole $1500 from my home when she left. I'm going to raise heck and make the police file a report on that.

She doesn't work. When she's with this loser, apparently they live off of his rich mother. I have a decent job that I've been at for 4 years. Don't do drugs or drink, never had any trouble with the law, an all around boring guy.

Bad for me:
I only got to be father for 3 months before she left while the mother has been in the child's life the whole time. I barely know the kid.

The mother and child are in another state and likely won't come to my state to take part in a custody hearing (hard to travel when you have warrants for your arrest)

[mistoffolees]

>The mother didn't tell me I had a child until a few days before it's first birthday.

Can you prove it? Could she simply claim that she told you earlier but you didn't do anything about it?

>
>The mother told me she did a drugs when she was pregnant, but
>I can't prove it, although I bet a drug test would come back
>positive at the present time. (Can I ask the court for a
>surprise drug test when I find this girl? I don't want to give
>her any time to do any tricks to get any drugs out of her
>system)

You'd need evidence in order to convince the court to order a drug test.

It's quite possible that you can have the daughter's hair tested - if the mother is doing anything (such as smoking pot) that would affect the daughter.

>
>The child's grandmother can testify that the mother was
>driving drunk at least once with the child in the car and that
>she found many beer cans in her house after the mother left.

My attorney explained quite forcefully that blood is thicker than water. It is VERY difficult to get a family member to testify against someone. Not that it doesn't happen, but when it gets to court, she may suddenly forget everything.

>
>The mother is living with a man who has outstanding arrest
>warrants, several DUIs, and a history of drug abuse. The
>grandmother can testify as to what a waste of oxygen this guy
>is, a simple check with the police will back that up.

Again, don't depend on the grandmother's testimony.

His criminal record could work against her.

>
>She stole $1500 from my home when she left. I'm going to raise
>heck and make the police file a report on that.

Make sure you can prove she did it.

>
>She doesn't work. When she's with this loser, apparently they
>live off of his rich mother. I have a decent job that I've
>been at for 4 years. Don't do drugs or drink, never had any
>trouble with the law, an all around boring guy.

The fact that she doesn't work is irrelevant. If her mother is willing to support her and the daughter, that's probably good enough for the courts.

>
>Bad for me:
>I only got to be father for 3 months before she left while the
>mother has been in the child's life the whole time. I barely
>know the kid.

But you do have parental rights (assuming you can prove it via paternity test). The fact that she is going to such great lengths to interfere with your parental rights will work against her.

>
>The mother and child are in another state and likely won't
>come to my state to take part in a custody hearing (hard to
>travel when you have warrants for your arrest)

Then your action is to file for an emergency custody hearing in your state. Your state has jurisdiction and can force her to comply. If she refuses to comply, she'll probably lose custody. But don't delay - once she's lived in another state for 6 months, she can claim that that state has jurisdiction.

THIS is where you need to focus your energy. Your state has jurisdiction and if you can get an emergency hearing scheduled soon enough (even if it's an ex parte hearing because you can't locate her), you have a very good chance of prevailing. Once 6 months has passed, your chances drop quite a bit.

Incidentally, this is the one area where the child's grandmother might be on your side. If you can pull the case back into your state and promise the grandmother that she'll see the baby much more frequently, she may help you. Don't count on it, though.

[mango]

I agree with the last poster, your state has jurisdicition, but after time, she can say the child is established wheree she is, and they will not want to uproot.

As for the grandmother, I would make another call to her and see if you can get her to discuss the argument again, and record the call. I beleive, one party recordings are allowable as evidence.

The U.S. federal law allows recording of phone calls and other electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the call.

Good luck!

[mistoffolees]

>I agree with the last poster, your state has jurisdicition,
>but after time, she can say the child is established wheree
>she is, and they will not want to uproot.
>
>As for the grandmother, I would make another call to her and
>see if you can get her to discuss the argument again, and
>record the call. I beleive, one party recordings are allowable
>as evidence.
>
>The U.S. federal law allows recording of phone calls and other
>electronic communications with the consent of at least one
>party to the call.
>
>Good luck!

Recording the grandmother is a good idea. However:

I'm not sure, but this might be state-specific. I know it's OK in my state, but there might be exceptions. It's worth checking.

[JM]

I think recordings are usually state-specific, but now I think the grandmother may be exxaggerating and would not help in court if it came down to that, so I'm reluctant to bring her into it at all in case she makes a reversal..

Anyway, I'm not waiting. It's only been 5 days and I'm already frustrated that things aren't moving faster, but I know that's how it is. I just got back from signing the petition for the test, and have been assured that tests like this are enforced, though I'm not clear on exactly how. Anyway, I have to have the test first, then I bring out the big guns and try to get the kid.

Thanks for your help and suggestions. At least the ball is rolling now and I can breathe a little easier and think about what to do next. Heck, I might even eat and sleep one day soon :)