Custody Help?

[ashnic72412]

I had my son July 24, 2012. His father and I were living together since I found out I was pregnant. His father has never changed a diaper, never gave him a bath, never made a bottle for him, never changed his clothes. April 5, 2013 his father pushed me with our 17 month old son in our arms and my son's head smacked the door.  I also have a 3 year restraining order against my son's father. He also smokes marijuana and snorts cocaine. I am not sure what other drugs he does. He lives across the street from me and I have witnessed him buying drugs off of people about 2 or 3 times.We have custody hearing on January 30, 2014.
My question is, due to the fact that their is a restraining order in place and they there was abuse towards my son does he still have legal rights to get any visitation? And since my son is not currently potty trained can he still get my son every other weekend? I live in Philadelphia and I can not find anything about what age my son has to be for his father to get him. Because it states in the restraining order can he still see my son?

[Waylon]

My question is, due to the fact that their is a restraining order in place and they there was abuse towards my son does he still have legal rights to get any visitation? And since my son is not currently potty trained can he still get my son every other weekend? I live in Philadelphia and I can not find anything about what age my son has to be for his father to get him. Because it states in the restraining order can he still see my son?

1) Until the order is changed, he most likely does have the legal right to see his son and exercise his parenting time.

2) Age is usually not a factor in whether or not a parent has (or can get) parenting time.

3) Whether or not the child is potty trained has no bearing on his time, UNLESS it's addressed n the parenting plan. If it's not addressed in the parenting plan then it's irrelevant.

4) You may want to consider getting an ex-parte order from a judge to suspend his parenting time until this is resolved. Until that happens the original order normally takes precedence.

[ocean]

The restraining order may change to include "father will only see child during times in the parenting plan dated xxx".

Waylon said most of it. Father has rights to his child but if you can prove abuse to the CHILD then he may get supervised visits. That means his visits will have another adult during his visits. Usually with a baby, the time gets increased over first year. Few times a week so they can bond. Right now since you have the restraining order, the courts will have to set up the days/times for you and how you will exchange child since he is not allowed near you. May have another person do the exchanges. If he lives across the street, it sounds like it would be hard not to see each other.

If you think he is still using drugs, they you can request you BOTH take a drug test to prove you are both fit parents.

Many fathers do not change diapers but when they are the only one there , they step up to the plate. Potty training, breast feeding, age of child has no factor on when a parent should see their child. Just like if you were together, a child has the right to see both his parents as long as the child is safe.

[ashnic72412]

My son's father NEVER changed a diaper. He would leave my son in a poop diaper or a very loaded pee diaper until I got home and changed it. That's not stepping up to the plate. I have my mom, sister and step dad that all said that every time I went to take a shower my son would start crying and he would yell at my son who was 8 months old at the time and tell him to shut the fuck up! I do not trust his father with him for one second. I have no idea what I am suppose to do at this point.

[ocean]

Most of us have been here over 15 years and have seen/heard it all. A father can learn in 5 minutes how to change a diaper. That alone is NOT going to do anything in a court room. You have a restraining order but family courts are used to them too. Many people get them on each other when they do not get along. You have to prove that he will hurt/neglect baby.

Do you have a lawyer? Does he have a lawyer? Is your restraining order through family court or criminal court?

You will have to deal with the father for the next 18+ years so see if he will go through mediation or parenting program with you. You need to learn to work together to parent this baby. It is VERY VERY hard to eliminate visitation to either parent. They may give him supervised time at first and increase the time and amount until he is getting the overnights and regular visitation for your area. You will spend A LOT of money fighting in court. What is he asking for as far as custody and visitation?

Most courts go with joint custody -meaning you both have legal rights for what schools/medical procedures child may need. Joint custody really means you both can get records- school/medical and make decisions while the child is in your care. You have the restraining order now so you can not go near him but there can be someone else you trust (a family member/friend on either side) that can supervise visits at first. However, they may NOT do supervise and give reg visits a few hours at a time and see how that goes. Kids need both parents in their life and family court is not friendly, takes months/years to resolve a case, and expensive.

Good luck!

[gemini3]

Waylon and Ocean gave you good advice.  Maybe not exactly what you were hoping to hear, but true.


I agree that you do need to have parameters in place to protect the child from harm - such as supervised visitation, drug testing, and parenting classes.  Hopefully you realize that you made the decision to create a child with someone who you knew was violent and used drugs.  Whatever your reasons for doing so, you have saddled your child with a drug using, violent parent.  You are now seeing that guys like that don't change when a baby comes along.  Your son will never get away from that.  Even if you manage to keep him from ever having any contact with his father - he still will grow up without a father, or not knowing (and always wondering) who his father is.  Neither of which are ideal situations for a child.


So now your options are to (A) continue to dysfunction by using the court system to punish the father for behaving in a way that you don't like (even though you knew that's who he was), or (B) using the resources you have available to help you be the best parent you can to your son, which means allowing him to know the father you picked for him, as long as it is safe to do so.


If I were you, I would ask for supervised visits and drug testing.  I would also take some parenting classes (for you).  There are several services in your area that provide these classes for free.  Here are a couple:


http://ecparenting.org/programs-and-services (http://ecparenting.org/programs-and-services)


http://cap4kids.org/philadelphia/parent-handouts/parenting-foster-care-adoption/ (http://cap4kids.org/philadelphia/parent-handouts/parenting-foster-care-adoption/)


You might also want to look into a support group for families of drug addicts.  [size=78%]http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/ (http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/)[/size]


Good luck.
[/size]
[/size][size=78%]  [/size]