Getting Temporary Custody

[Justabovewater]

This is a bit long, I know, IM sorry.

My Ex-Wife and I had 50/50 Custody with our children,  She decided to get remairried and went back to court so that she could try to get custody and be able to move the kids 70 miles away. She was granted Physical Custody with Joint Custody. 5 days ago its my weekend to pick the kids up. I get a text from her wanting to know if I will pick them up at a diffrent address.

I agree so I drive to the address and her mom is standing outside. My Ex comes out and says that she has moved out of her husbands house and is divorcing him. Why I ask. She said he was verbally abuseing the children and abusively threatning to physically abuse them. So I just say ok and get in the truck with the kids and take them home. I am remarried also, We have both been remarried for a little over a year. I have the same house and the same job that I had when I lost physical custody of the kids.

Nothing has changed except we got a Dog. Anyway, I get the kids home and ask them what has been happening over there. They start to tell me all these things that the husband has been threating them with, its stupid things. Things like if you dont eat the fat off that meat, I am going to spank you with the meatal end of my belt, and things like this. They said on many accassions he has been statning over them with a belt begging my Ex-wife to let him hit them. I call my Ex and tell her we need to meet to talk.

She agrees so we meet Sunday afternoon while I am dropping the kids off. I ask her what was going on and what do I need to know. She tells me that all that the kids are saying is true and that she is done with him. I ask her if she is ok and my wife now tells her that if she needs any protection or anything we are happy to help and that I do not want my kids around her husband ever again. She agreed that they would not be. I told her that if they are ever around him I will get a protective order put in place. 

Guess what, three hours after our conversation, Guess who is having ice cream with my kids! Are you freaking kidding me?? So Monday morning Im in the courthouse getting a protective order. It is granted and we are set up for court in 14 day. This didnt go over very well with the ex and her husband as I knew it wouldnt, but My kids are a little safer than they were before. Tusday night my kids have a wrestling meet, His kids Wrestle as well so I knew he would be there. I go and sit up at the top of the seats. By this time the principal knows what is going on and he knows a Deputy that is there.

I guess I should let you know that this is a town of about 4000 people. I didnt want to cause any problems for his kids so I sat back and just watched him closely, After a bit he walks over 10 feet from my kids and sits down. The Ex does nothing about it, she just sits there. Finally the deputy goes down and askes the husband to move, he cant sit this close to the kids. Are you kidding me again?? He did it just to see how far he could push it! I have a order of protection against this man. Anyway, the meet is soon over and we leave.

I get home to find videos of my kids wrestling meet on his facebook page. There is also a video of the ex and the husband walking out of the mat togeather laughing and talking. geeeez!!! He just threatned your kids lady!!! So now Im being asked by her to release the protection order, her reason, Its affecting too many people. Ummmm, yeah, But OUR kids are safer. Now for the question.

How far does one go before the courts see that the kids are not safe here. How far does this have to go before I can file for Temporary custody and get my kids to a safe home with stability. She has had 5 jobs in the last year and this is the third time she has moved. Im worried that a court will tell me I am over reacting, but when it comes to kids, can you over react?

[Waylon]

How far does one go before the courts see that the kids are not safe here. How far does this have to go before I can file for Temporary custody and get my kids to a safe home with stability. She has had 5 jobs in the last year and this is the third time she has moved. Im worried that a court will tell me I am over reacting, but when it comes to kids, can you over react?

Sadly, the courts are often very slow on the uptake. Document everything and keep pushing.

Her job history may come into play but more likely the judge will just ignore it.

Her moving multiple times may carry more weight since it tends to indicate instability, but the judge may ignore that too, so don't be surprised if that happens.

But keep documenting and insist the police and the school do their jobs as well. Hold them all accountable, but be polite about it. The moment you threaten them or piss them off, they become your enemy instead of your ally. You want them to side with you, not your ex. Polite but firm is the way to go. Indicate that if you're forced to escalate this to a legal venue, you will because you are trying to keep the children safe.

The best thing I could suggest at this time is to contact an experienced family law attorney and see if you might be able to get an ex parte order for custody.

[MixedBag]

There was a time where I know I thought the same thing -- my son was in an abusive home and I couldn't find "independent" proof to show the court what was really going on until YEARS later when it was too late.

GOOD LUCK.....I don't suggest that you try to put your kids on the stand to testify what's happening.

I do advocate teaching your children the best you can to defend themselves during these types of times.

and all that Waylon said.

[Justabovewater]

I agree, I do need the school and law enforcement on my side. They have all seemed to be very helpful. I have learned my lesson about how far and just how much the courts consider what is right and what is wrong. There is no common sense to law whatsoever. I am past the piss off stage. Im just more concerned about the Kids now. I would never put the kids on the stand, I think I do have enough text messages from her admitting that she left becasue the kids were in dager of abuse, but I guess we will see. In the end, I know and I can tell my kids, I did everything in my power to protect you.

[Kitty C.]

It would also be a benefit if you can print off those text messages to show in court.  And even if she denies it, it's a simple matter of requesting/subpoenaing her phone records to prove it.

[ocean]

Wondering what the restraining order says exactly? Is he allowed to be at the school if your kids are there? My understanding is that he needs to leave if kids are there, just like if he walked into a restaurant and you were there with kids, he should know he is not allowed near them. Does it say how far away? At the moment he comes near them, he should be in contempt of court and be arrested for that. Did your ex allow him near them after the wresting match?

We had ex arrested on not following the restraining order and that was the one thing that scared her. She had to get a lawyer to defend herself as the judge told her this is now serious and a crime. She had to be on her best behavior for 2 years than it was dropped but it got us what we needed, peace. Find out what the parameters are of the restraining order and have it enforced. If the wording is not there, ask when you go to the hearing that is be added that xyz.... since kids are at same school. You should not be hiding up in the bleachers.

[Justabovewater]

It does say that he cannot be where they work, live or have a routine of going on a daily bases. I ask the Judge and he said that does include school and school functions. I was a little upset that he was not arrested at the wrestling meet, but his kids were there also and none of this is their fault. The next time it happens I will cause  abig enough stink over it, he will be arrested. Yes, she can be held in contempt if she allows him around the children. From what I am getting, anyone can. If his parents have the kids and he goes over to visit, His parents can be held in contempt. The sad thing is he lives in a small town, he grew up with most of the law enforcement, the officer that asked him to move had a child in the wrestling meet also.

My Lawyer does have a copy of the text messages, she cannot deny admitting that he abused the children. I have her admitting it in several messages.

[MixedBag]

have your cell phone camera ready.  k?

[ocean]

You can also leave , go to the police station or outside and call station and say he is inside with my children, I want him to be charged. Yes, tape anything you can, close enough just get audio. Any phone calls with mother now, TAPE. May not be able to get into evidence but it can be played for his lawyer.

I am not sure mom can be charged as he is the one not following the court order. When you get to court, get it extended and maybe not ask for specifics too much as you have the wording, just need to get it enforced.

Can also try going to the police station with the restraining order copy and say...what if xyz happens? who do I call, do not want kids involved as much as possible so how will this be handled?

We went to police station after, made statement that RO was violated, they went to ex house and made arrest hours after it happened as it took a few stops on who had jurisdiction -. It goes by where it happened needs to make arrest, not where you live.