BM wants to move DD out of state -- advice?!?

[megsdad]

Hello all,

Here is my problem, as succinctly as I can explain. I am the father of a 9 year old daughter. I have been divorced from BM for 5 years, ever since she discovered she was a lesbian and left me. She lives in the same neighborhood as me (with her partner of 2 years). I have been remarried for a year now. We share custody of DD. She is with me 4 days a week and with her mother 3 days. Her mother works part time, freelancing. My wife and I both work full time. On the nights when I have my daughter, a babysitter picks her up from school and watches her for 2 hours. When her BM has our daughter, she picks her up as she works from home. We split the weekend days. DD is very settled, great school, etc.

BM has recently told me she plans to move to California and has said that if I don’t agree she will move anyway. She doesn’t have a job or house lined up yet. I am absolutely freaking out that my ex will take my daughter away from me. We don’t have any sort of official alimony, child support or custody/visitation schedule. I give her $500 a month and pay for absolutely everything for our daughterâ€"BM has a credit card that I pay for. She is very good at only charging daughter-related expenses.

My question: can she just move or is that considered kidnapping? Do you think the court will be sympathetic to a dad in this situation if I have to sue to keep her here?

Thanks so much.
Ron

[Sherry1]

attorney, ask the questions and if necessary retain the attorney and file for custody. Who has residential custody now?

[megsdad]

She officially does because we had to choose only one. We've shared custody 50/50 since the divorce.

[mistoffolees]

You need to clarify one thing:

You are using 'custody' as if it's only one thing. It's actually two things: 'legal custody' and 'physical custody'. Who has legal custody of the daughter (you, her, or joint)?

Also, please review your divorce decree very carefully to see if it says anything about moving. It is not uncommon for it to say that neither parent can move the child out of state without permission of the court, but that's far from universal.

If she has sole legal custody and there's nothing in the agreement preventing her from moving, you're going to have an incredible uphill battle.

If the agreement specifically forbids moving without the court's permission, you still have a battle, but your odds are dramatically better.

If it's joint custody and the agreement doesn't say anything about moving, you'd better get the best attorney you can find because a lot will depend on circumstances and local practice.

In fact, get the best attorney you can find, no matter what the facts of the case are. It's probably money well spent.

[mistoffolees]

>She officially does because we had to choose only one. We've
>shared custody 50/50 since the divorce.

Physical or legal? What does the divorce decree say?

[Mamacass]

We went through a move away case and won, although there was also a lot more involved than just the BM moving (she is very unstable).  I spent some time reading up about relocation cases in VA so that I could feel more prepared.  Not sure what state you are in, or how they look at things, but my first suggestion would be for you to read up on whatever you can find.  

If you go to court, your ex needs to prove that there is a benefit to the child to move away.  What you need to prove is that it is harmful to the child to move away.  

So on BM's side, she will want to show that there will be a financial advantage to moving (for her or her partner).  That there is more family where she is moving.  Is there some other reason she has to move?  Our BM told the judge she was moving 4 hours to another state because "the air was fresher".  The judge didn't go for that, basically told her she was moving for no reason.  Try to figure out all of BM's reasons, b/c as part of your case, you want to disprove her reasons.

You also need to show that your relationshiip with the child will be negatively affected by the move.  You are currently getting her 4 days a week, that's more than 50%, and there's no way to keep that up once she moves.  Make up a calendar that shows how often you have your daughter.  Even if on paper the BM has custody, you want to show that in reality your are very involved in the child's life so that changing custody to you if BM moves won't be a big disruption to the child.  Does your child have substantial amount of family living in the area?  This includes your family and Bm's.  You need to show that you have a plan for how to take care of your daughter if BM moves away.  

Regardless of what the custody papers say, you can still file to stop the relocation.  This is your right as a father.  Also, even if you can't sotp the relocation, chances are you are going to need to update the court ordered visitation schedule.  You have nothing to lose by going to court, but you stand to lose a lot if you don't.  Good luck.