Grandchild 1 Year Old - Haven't Seen Him Yet

[Sadgram]

The court is in xx since the bio mom lives there. We couldn't get a xx lawyer to take the case.

[Sadgram]

The court is in xx since the bio mom lives there. We couldn't get a xx lawyer to take the case.

They didn't want to take the case because the child was living in xx. Thought I'd clarify that.

[ocean]

Yeah, lawyer would have to file by you and say she left state, and father is demanding child returned to home state. She can live there but child stays in your state.... Would have to be done right when she left, then she would have had to come to your state for court.

[MixedBag]

Sadgram.....you're lots of steps ahead of the game because you found this place.  I just wanna add that the could have, should have, would have thoughts that you're having.....well, they're natural and many folks going into this have no real clue as to how difficult Family Court can be.

Many times moving swiftly is the answer, and then again, you start asking yourself are you jumping the gun?  Maybe they can work things out?  All this is very natural.....take a deep breath, look at the cards you have now, and play them well.

[Sadgram]

Thanks, Mixed Bag. All along I've wanted to reach out to the bio mom. She's had a hard life, basically living like a refugee with that mother, moving from house to house every few months, never knowing stability. And her pregnancy was rough, which added fuel to the delusions her mother has been feeding her.

I'm thinking I will write her a long, truthful letter, letting her know how my son and I feel, and asking her to resolve this amicably before we all get stuck in the black hole that is family court. The lawyer can deliver it to her lawyer. We are all exhausted - emotionally, physically and financially - I honestly don't want this to get ugly - or to put a spotlight on her mother's past - but I will do whatever is necessary to keep my grandchild from growing up with a convicted murderer.

Lack of finances kept us from being able to move quick when this happened. And then when we were finally able to hire a lawyer she seemed to let things drag on endlessly. We've got to find a way to take the wheel and steer a straight course before it's too late.

I've read horror stories about the things desperate people have done to avoid losing custody of a child - and the bio mom's mother is a prime candidate for that kind of tragedy. It's scary.

I'm trying to breathe deep and be strong. Very hard to do after the year we've had. I am glad I found this forum.

[MixedBag]

Well, don't expect the letter to be well received or that it will change anything.  Many times the advice is to write what you feel and throw it away...  UNTIL the other side is ready to listen and actually hear what you're saying.  Doesn't seem like that's the case yet.

Concessions, agreements, can happen at any time even if there's on going court proceedings.....NORMALLY they happen within the HOUR before court.  Seriously....when the other side finally wakes up and realizes that they may lose is when they wake up.....Believe me, I dealt with a very wonderful ex-husband and he "stood his ground" and got burned by the judge -- and it wasn't until that happened that he started acting human.  But you'd think he learned his lesson?  Oh no....during the next round, he acted like a fool in front of the judge -- and to this day, blames his two attorneys, the three judges, and the GAL for the lack of success he saw in court.  I was pro se.....but I was (well for the most part) right in what I was asking.  Doesn't mean the courts always agreed with me or my point.....but I was successful.

[Sadgram]

Well, I've got to try something. I just don't know how we can get through a court hearing. Our whole family is made up of shy introverts. We've never even had dealings with the law before, beyond a speeding ticket or a car wreck. I'm afraid we'll all have panic attacks!

But the bio mom is prone to panic attacks, too, so maybe she'd like a way out of going to court as well.

Thanks for the responses!

[ocean]

Be careful with the restraining order ...are you named? HE can not have any contact and usually writing a letter counts. He may be arrested for third party contact by bio mom saying you are contacting her on behalf of your son...which he is not allowed to do.

Tell his lawyer in no uncertain terms, you are willing to negotiate and offer mediation with mom and dad only in the room. Some courts make you do mediation first. Bottom line is you want mediation or temporary visitation plan by the end of that hearing...and in court, you will stay away from negotiations as long as lawyer insists grandma walk away so the parents can negotiate. Grandma and you will probably not be allowed in court room unless you are testifying. Parents only with their lawyers. Support your son and everyone in your family MUST remain calm no matter what ...lawyers will try to get you and your family. Remain calm, only speak directly to judge or lawyer, never to mom. Judge wants to see which parent keeps it together. She will lie about you and your family so be ready for that.

[Sadgram]

You're right. I've been going over the emails the lawyer sent to my son and it gave me a reality check. If the bio mom is refusing any visitation then she is too far under her mother's control. All we can do is get our house in order and hold steady. I hope we can handle it. My 81 year old mom keeps asking when she can see the baby. It's a brutal situation.

Thanks again!

Peace

[Sadgram]

Wow - this morning I sent a long email to my son's lawyer, a heart to heart thing as you all suggested. She blew me off like a feather! Said she's doing everything she possibly can and MY SON can call her Monday with any concerns HE has. I felt like I'd been slapped in the kisser.

If I had the money I'd ditch her right now but I guess she knows she has us over a barrel. This doesn't look good for our custody hearing if she's not even open to suggestions.

My heart is really crushed. But I guess I should've known better.