What to do?

[AtOurWitsEnd]

This is going to be long but I want to make sure I have it all in here so you can follow.

It started 2 years ago. I married a man with 3 kids and an unstable BM (bio-mom) in the picture. From the word go, BM has been a noose around our neck. At first the SK's (step kids) lived with her. Then she would call our house and demand that we come get the F_ing little Bas***ds before she kills them. So we would drive 45 minutes away and pick them up. This happened so often that we knew we had to do something. Well turns out she did it on her own. One day outof the blue she called us and told us to come get the oldest son and not bring him back. We did and enrolled him in school and he made a home with us, where he has been every since. Right on the heels of that came the middle child. He came for visitation and while he was there she called and told us not to send him back. So we enrolled him in school and he made a home with us, where he has been every since. This all happened in april and may of that year. Come summer she demanded visitation and we gave it to her, not wanting to keep the boys from their mother, thinking she has changed her ways enough to want them for a few weeks in the summer. During all of this, my DH (Darling Husband) was denied visitation of the youngest child (daughter) by BM. She constantly harrased us and threatned us. We have filed police reports and even took pics of bruises of the boys and called DHS. They were no help, even with pics and the SS's telling htem how it happened b/c BM is just that good. In sept of that year, she filed for a motion to modify orginal divorce decree. Oh the lies she has told and the things she has done since then. Suffice it to say, it has been long and ugly. She wants the SS's back so that DH has to pay child support and would refuse visitation of them. With all that she has done, the judge appointed a GAL for the boys. They are adament in not wanting to return to her. Then at the end of last year, the middle SS accused her of child molestation. The case was stayed due to this and DHS investigated. DHS decided that he was lying due to his usage of words bigger than waht a then 7 year should use. I use big words in everyday language and when they ask what it means, I tell them. After living w/ us for 2 years, I would expect him to pick those words up. So I am shocked and confused at how this can decide something so important. At any rate, we recieved a call from her attorney 3 days ago. BM wants to make a deal. She wants to give up all visitation of the SS's and wants us to give up visitation of SD, which we have NEVER ahd in the first place becaue SHE refuses to allow it. This came on the heels of the DHS investigation saying she needed to take a pysch eval. SHe is mentally unstable to say the least. We do not want to give up one child for the others but what can we do? The SS's were 5 and 6 when we got hem and they could barely speak, could not even write their names, tie their shoes, nothing. Their behavior was awful. Now they are doing well in all catorgories and are much happier and balanced. They have not seen BM in almost a year and are thriving. We know, based on how she is and her oast actions, that she is a detriment to these kids well being. What do we do? How do we save them and the SD. Sd is only 2 and a half but when she gets older is when the pain will start for her too.

[notnew]

I think you have to fight for that little girl too.

I think BM does not want to take the psych. evaluation.

I think if you agree to her demands, you will never be able to stop thinking about the condition the other child may be living in.

the choice is up to you. What does your lawyer say?

[AtOurWitsEnd]

He says if go to court, she gets visitation of the SS's and we get visitation of SD gradually, since we hsve been denied all previous visitation. The problem is that if we do that then we know we still will not get to see the SD and may even lose the SS's b/c she won't give them back to punish them and DH. Then it' at least 2 yrs of court all over again.

[ocean]

I agree you have to try and fight it. You can try to get her visitation supervised or reduced depending on what the outcome of the psych report is. The little one deserves to have her father and brothers in her life but I can see where you are coming from too. As the boys get older, they can start making more and more decisions about how much they see her. They are still a little young to decide for themselves. If she keeps the boys after visitation, call the police and have them escort you to pick them up. Make sure your current orders details times/dates so they can enforce the order.
Good luck!

[AtOurWitsEnd]

I just cannot deal with her anymore. The things she done, said, I just cannot. There is no way we would willingly give her visitation of SS's for more than her taking off with them or putting them somewhere else. These boys have been abused in everyway possible by her and we are just starting to make some headway. To throw them back into that would be to leave them to defend for themselves. The SD still has about 2.5 to 3 years to go before she starts getting treated like the SS's did. As long as the kids adore her and can't talk back so well or argue so much, she wants them. As soon as they start arguing and getting a mind of their own seperate from her ideas, that is when it starts.