non custodial parent downing custodial parent

[lucy196957]

My daughters father is constantly saying rude remarks to our 14yr old during visitation about me. Little jabs about my parenting skills etc. Note he's only came to one school play over the past 12 years. Never comes to her sporting events and he's unemployed. So it's not like his job is preventing him. 

I don't point these things out to our daughter. She's smart and will learn on her own. I also don't down him in front of her. She says she doesn't even pay attention when he says the things he says. She always wants to tell me what he said during her visits. However it really brings me down hearing what he says.

I also don't want her to feel like she has to tell me. So my question is would it be wrong to say to her "look I know your father has issues and if he wants to talk about them with me thats fine. But you do not have to tell me the things he says. I know he's upset with me. But that has nothing to do with his love for you."

Basically I don't want to hear what rude childish comments he makes. Its in our court documents he is not to down me in front of her.  When I confront him he gets iriate so I avoid it. He also gets mad at our daughter if she tells me.

[Waylon]

Do your best to ignore his snide comments and childish behavior. Your child will come to understand who the more responsible parent is and she will value you and respect you for not stooping to his level.

Sadly, the kind of behavior he's engaging in can be a long term thing, but making an issue of it will only feed his desire to make trouble. Unless it's really becoming a problem, just ignore, ignore, ignore. Sometimes it's hard to do but in the end it's better than getting wrapped up in his games and getting upset over it (which is exactly what he wants).

My daughters father is constantly saying rude remarks to our 14yr old during visitation about me. Little jabs about my parenting skills etc. Note he's only came to one school play over the past 12 years. Never comes to her sporting events and he's unemployed. So it's not like his job is preventing him. 

I don't point these things out to our daughter. She's smart and will learn on her own. I also don't down him in front of her. She says she doesn't even pay attention when he says the things he says. She always wants to tell me what he said during her visits. However it really brings me down hearing what he says.

I also don't want her to feel like she has to tell me. So my question is would it be wrong to say to her "look I know your father has issues and if he wants to talk about them with me thats fine. But you do not have to tell me the things he says. I know he's upset with me. But that has nothing to do with his love for you."

Basically I don't want to hear what rude childish comments he makes. Its in our court documents he is not to down me in front of her.  When I confront him he gets iriate so I avoid it. He also gets mad at our daughter if she tells me.

[ocean]

Yeah, ignore and give your daughter some things she can do 1. ignore 2. "Dad, I really do not like when you talk about mom like that"
Keep inviting him to her activities, send him a copy of her sport's schedule with her to give to him. She is old enough to start seeing it. It is getting to the point where the two of them need to make a relationship as in a few years she will be 18.
Biggest thing we do is LAUGH....when she says stuff, just laugh and say don't worry about it, one day he will get over me. LOL

[lucy196957]

Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. I'm not angry more hurt because I try to be the best mother as possible.  I often worry that it's hurting my daughter. But she doesn't seem upset. She says I worry to much about everything.  Lol she is right.. as for inviting him to events we always give him schedules but no luck so far. That breaks my heart but she copes well. Just amazing me how someone who does so little can down some one else.

[MixedBag]

Divorce Poison....read it...perfect book for this.

And what they all said already.

Stop caring what the other parent says about you -- you got divorced for a reason and now you have another one.