Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Jun 15, 2024, 12:50:13 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Children Moving Trouble with Overnights

Started by Vega, Mar 22, 2015, 11:23:43 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Vega

Really in a pickle.  Divorced 3 years ago.  Moved back in together shortly after.  Didn't work out but, my ex and the children have been living in an apartment down the street for the last 2 years.  They are doing really well in school and settled into their sports and activities.  My ex's mother is the co-signer for the apartment.  She is refusing to sign the lease again in order to force my ex and the children to move in with them.  That means they would have have to be taken out of their current school and move about 30-40 minutes away.

I currently have 1 overnight during the school year and two during the summer per the order.  However, their mother and I have been in a relationship and I have had complete access to the children and we haven't been following the order.  I have been picking them up from school and very involved in their lives.  I rent a one bedroom down the street from them and have not exercised my overnights because of this.  The cost of living is such that it's almost impossible for me to rent a place that I can have 3 children in (14, 10 and 7).  So as you see things have been working well.

Though their mother and I have been in a relationship I acknowledge she isn't someone I could ever live with.  Been there done that.  I'm just concerned I will not be able to have my overnights after the move.  I wish there was something I could do to stop the move but I feel at a loss.  I can co sign the lease as I just got my credit score moving since the divorce.  Is my only option to let the move occur and settle for visitation?   

MixedBag

Who actually pays the rent where the mom and kids live?

How was that part working out?

I guess I'd like to know that before putting my 1/2 cent out there.

Vega

#2
The mother pays the rent directly.  Her mother co-signed off the premise that she would eventually take over after her credit improved.  The children's mother does have a job with almost full time hours.  The rent is 1500 a month and I pay her 1600 a month child support (but help out much more).  My concern is (if approved) co-signing for her is probably an extremely risky financial move since our relationship is unstable. 

ocean

Few options:
1. Sign lease for a year only, re-commit each year. Can you sign lease WITH her , so her name is on it too?
2. File in court to stop move and ask for custody (kids stay in same schools) but then you would have to move to a bigger place (and if you had custody, child support would be adjusted). Kids are getting older, would they want to stay in their school and stay with you? You can first file for a restraining order not to move kids school and see what she does.
3. Let then move with mom but keep your address for school, they can stay in that school but would have to drive them back and forth.
4. You can do overnights as they just need their own bed. Get bunk beds and your bed in bedroom- kids can sleep in there on your nights, you sleep on couch. One of the kids can sleep in daybed/pull out couch in living room too.

Is mom on board with you signing lease and going against her mother? You could ask for the child support order to be changed as you will pay the lease and then $100 to her so you know the lease is being paid. If she leaves you will still have the money to pay off the rest of the year. Rather see her co-sign so you have legal rights to go after her for part if she left apartment. At the very least, write up whatever you decide, go to a bank or library and have you both notarize letter BUT this will not change any courts orders so be careful.

Vega

I have this strange feeling that the court wouldn't change custody based off this scenario and would probably let her move them due to financial hardship.  But, that's just been my biased experience with the system. 

I don't feel comfortable signing a lease because if she stops paying my credit will be ruined again.  I've spent 3 years since the bankruptcy rebuilding it.  I've not heard of the courts allowing child support to be paid as rent before.  I wouldn't have a problem doing that though if they would consider it.  If anything my son is going into high school and may want to stay with me if the courts would listen to him.  He's turning 15 in October.


ocean

Courts start listening to kids around 13 years old. Listen meaning taking into consideration their wants. Would he want to live with you and not with other siblings?
You can play hard ball a little and get the restraining order and see what she does.

We get the frustration with family court. If you both came to an agreement with child support then you go into family court with the agreement and see if judge would sign it. Can do it now before she moves so you can make a decision.
"Father requests child support to be changed to the following due to the mother not having good credit to sign for lease. Father agrees to sign lease for the children's housing for the next year. Father will pay xx directly to landlord and xx to mother for child support for one year. If both parents agree to continue this for following years, courts would request a notarized letter for the court folder each year after" (or something like that)?

MixedBag

also if the Mom has paid rent for a year on time, and her name was on the lease, I wonder if she really needs someone to co-sign for the next year?

Vega

Quote from: MixedBag on Mar 22, 2015, 04:36:07 PM
also if the Mom has paid rent for a year on time, and her name was on the lease, I wonder if she really needs someone to co-sign for the next year?

She and I both filed ch7 together prior to the divorce.  She has lived there 2 years.  How could I find out for sure?  Do you think the leasing office is allowed to release that info?

ocean

Try to call them and explain situation and ask if she can do it herself or will they allow you BOTH to be on lease with your credit?
or ask to go with her to office to ask them questions as you may want to help have them stay there.

MixedBag

I agree with Ocean....mom might not want to move either....and if she's paid rent on time for two years, then the credit check might have a different meaning or measurement to the apartment complex now.  Particularly if MOM can show that she signed every check where rent was paid.  (and not Mom's Mom)

Vega

Ok thank you.  So IF they allow me how long would a motion to have the support paid directly as rent take to push through the system?  She has until mid April to resign the lease.

MixedBag

Now THAT is hard to say.   I guess I don't see a problem in the long run.... mom just needs to learn that when CS comes, pay rent. 

End of story.  It's really a matter of money in and right back out.

Maybe she needs to add the CS as "income" on her lease in order to qualify and not have a co-signer?

Vega

#12
Quote from: MixedBag on Mar 23, 2015, 09:32:26 AM
Now THAT is hard to say.   I guess I don't see a problem in the long run.... mom just needs to learn that when CS comes, pay rent. 

End of story.  It's really a matter of money in and right back out.

Maybe she needs to add the CS as "income" on her lease in order to qualify and not have a co-signer?

Yes in an ideal world this would be easier.  Unfortunately, I have to prepare for the possibility that things may go south and she won't pay rent and would try to move.  If I don't have enough time to get an order by mid April there's no point in trying to co sign.   I feel my only recourse may be to continue with my over nights and maybe move as well to her parents area (30 minutes away) and rent a room.  That would circumvent the court process however, I hate my children having to move.  I just don't see the courts giving me custody to prevent that from happening.   

MixedBag

I guess I'm not leaning towards co-signing in your shoes.

I'm believing that mom doesn't need a co-signer for the next year because she's paid the rent on time for the past two years.  That's good credit. 

It's very hard to get a preventive order in such short time to stop mom from moving only 30 minutes away.  There's no emergency because the kids are not in physical danger. 

What I'm also afraid of is that if the apartment place "thinks" you will co-sign, they might play hardball with mom just to get another person on the lease in case things go upside down.They'd never say that -- but several times I've been "approved" for  loan and then when the bank finds out I'm married -- it's like they refused unless HE signed too.  (And yes, I walked out and went elsewhere).

ocean

Maybe not, if you go for a emergency order to stop the kids from being pulled out of school next month then she would have to either sign the lease again or drive them back and forth to school. At same time, file a custody order. The custody hearing would not be heard before she has to move but the emergency order will be heard this week.

"Father requests restraining order for his children that they not be pulled out of their current schools as mother is threatening to move outside their current district. Children are 15, xx, and xx and have good grades, friends, and their is less than 2 months of school (I would count the school days left and right that number...). "

Then you call her out on if she will sign or not.

Another option:

Are you paying her directly for child support? Either pay her at the rental place and watch it be paid from her hands to housing or have her sign a notarized letter stating that you will be paying part child support to the rental place directly and xx to her in exchange for you co-signing rental agreement. If she leaves, her name is on there too. Maybe call a lawyer for a free consultation in your area or pay them for an hour and ask them if they can draw up an agreement to be filed with courts as an agreed amendment that you both sign. Might be worth the dollars for them to do it quick this week and both sign it next week. Then the lawyer will file for you or you can ask them how to file yourself.

Vega

Well, I certainly have no intentions on tipping the apartment complex leasing office off.  I somehow believe this may be a ploy to try and get me to move back in.  The only way I'm going to find out anything is to wait until it gets closer to the lease expiring.  She'll have to start packing at some point and that's when I'll know to file the emergency order to stop the move.  The child support is taken out of my pay directly each month.  So, I don't have an option to pressure her in using it for the rent.  Also, I think her preference really is to stay in the apartment...but, to do so with ME staying there as well.  That's not going to happen.  So, it's kind of a waiting game at this point.  I'll keep you updated as soon as I hear something.  Does anyone know of a good attorney in MD?

Vega

Well, it turns out that her mother co-signed for her again.  She needs a minimum income to qualify for signing the lease on her own.  I've encouraged her to get a full time job but, as long as she has an out I'm not sure it will happen.  At least I don't have to worry about the children getting pulled out of school for another year.  Thank you for all your help!

MixedBag

Thanks for the update -- and best of luck to you!

Keep us posted and vent away here when ever you need.

Gordonmrobinson

Make an effort to call them-and clarify predicament and ask if she can perform it herself or will they permit you equally to be on rental together with your credit?
Since you may need to enable have them remain there or ask to go to workplace with her to ask them issues.
child custody modification