taken to court for custody to prove a point

[concerneddad75]

Heloo everyone, I was married for a year before leaving y wife due to personal\family problems. It has been about a year since we have been apart. In the begining i wasn't able to see my daughter that much because her mom would say that she couldn't bare to see me. Once I started having visitation every other sunday I approached her about the baby staying over and the baby going places with me. There were several reasons why she objected to this, mostly because of how angry she was with me, and now because of my new GF. We have managed to barely get along for the baby's sake until now. A month ago I asked for more visitiation and she told me i needed to pay her more support.  I bring over bags and bags of groceries for me daughter every other week when i get paid, this is support we agreed on. she did eventually let me end up having the baby on weekends, but not without moaning and groaning. Last weekend we got into a fight over who was going to and who had rights to keep the baby. She now went into court and filed for custody and emailed me to tell me about it. this was much to my surprise as we had decided to settle all this through an uncontested divorce. Anyways, I have a lot against her, including the fact that their is a weekend alchoholic living in the house, an email trail of her blatantly puting herself above the baby, a trail or receipts of my support for my daughter, an email trail of me constantly asking what else i can do for my daughter (clothers, dr's bills, etc) with her saying she had enough. And now me just finding out that she let the baby go 10 months without health insurance without telling me so, when i had offered to put the baby under my health insurance plan. She has also publicly announced to everyone that she is going to sleep (for the lack of a better word) with random guys that I am friends with or work with in the fire department. So, I am waiting for the paperwork so I can start speaking to lawyers, but what else should I be doing for the time being? this is all casuing me to lose sleep, loss of apetite and additional stress because I wonder what will happen to my daughter if i lose. Thanks for listening, any advice is appreciated.

[Sherry1]

You do need a court order to establish visitation and child support. After you receive whatever paperwork she is sending to you, retain a lawyer right away and counter file for joint physical & legal custody which will include overnights.

[FatherTime]

"She now went into court and filed for custody and emailed me to tell me about it. "

Go to the courthouse and look it up for yourself.  She has to have you served.  It could be a ploy.  Go and see for yourself first hand.  Be prepared to read lies, untruths, falsehoods, misrepresentations, mischaracterizations, misstatements (punny), and about how much of a deadbeat you are to your own child.

Then "get an atty" and get down to the nitty gritty.  

But first see for yourself.  She may not have actually filed yet.  She may have just went to see about it, study it, and plan her attack.  Your best move may be to file first, if that is the case.  

I don't want to discourage you, but what you may think is proof positive of her incompetence, may be just enough for a court commissioner to rule in her favor.  Perjury is not enforced in family law court.  That means she can lie and not be reprimanded.  She will actually be rewarded for bad behavior, at least that's how it is in my county.

If you want some specific help in your case, never forget to mention, state, county and other relevant information.  It helps those that wish to offer advice by giving them the correct laws and procedures to refer to in regards to your case.

Get over her statements of sleeping with everyone.  Let her have her own emptiness.  

Now eat for goodness sakes.  Get your rest.  You are no good to your child unless you take care of yourself.  

DOCUMENT...DOCUMENT...DOCUMENT.
 journal entry all p/ups and dropoffs.
 [dates, persons as witnesses, don't go alone.]

It's ....
FatherTime

ps.  I find it unamusing that she coincidently referred to more child support money, immediately upon you requesting more parenting time.  Child support enforcement can't see this because it's against their laws, child support and parenting time are two different matters (rotflmao)!

[Jade]

I disagree with the trying to work it out on your own not being well advised.  

It is better for the child(ren) if the parents can work it out on their own.

But when that can't happen, then a judge (who really doesn't know the child(ren) at all) is going to have to resolve the issues.

And depending on what state the original poster is in, they just may be ordered to go to mediation to work it out on their own before the judge will hear the case.

[jenjen]

It's best for you to work things out with her, and not let it go to court.
your gonna have to learn to kiss her xss. (for right now)Do not mention your girlfriend and dont have her around your soon to be x. Be civil!! so what if she wants to blow of steam and say's things to you...stay focused!!! your goal is to spend as much time with your child as possible. sounds like this child is very young,  mom has got to get a life without you and being with her child on a part time bases. If you continue to piss her off and bring this child around your girl friend your gonna hang yourself. A judge can reject all your reciepts and except it as a gift, and if your doing more than child support guide lines the judge can make you continue.  
Is your girlfriend with you everytime the child is with you?
how much time do you actually spend with this child...alone?
parenting is much more than just spending alot of money you basicly already proven yourself to be comfortable as the non-custodial parent.

My advice is to put the girlfriend on hold till all this is over....if she loves you and your child she'll understand

[mistoffolees]

>It's best for you to work things out with her, and not let it
>go to court.

I believe this is terrible advice.

The first part is OK. Try to work things out between the two parents. That's best. But that is a PRELUDE to going to court, not a substitute.

Once you've worked out an agreement, I believe you MUST present it to the court for approval. If you don't have the court's approval, no one is bound by the agreement - and the NCP can find him/herself in arrears for years of child support at some future date - even if they've been paying faithfully.