Mom Keeps Moving Away with Kids

[Hop on Pop]

My wife had an affair with our plumber and ran off with our 4 children.  One of the children turned out to be the plumber's biological daughter.  She took the children far away from me.  After a year of separation my wife filed for divorce.  

No court order for custody was ever made, but we did work out a basic custody agreement out of court. The agreement says we both have joint legal and physical custody.  My visitation time is listed as the standard every other weekend and 1 evening a week.  At the time this was the best I could get her to agree to.  I had to drive 12 hours round trip each visit to see my children, but I never missed a visit.

I repeatedly suggested moving to the town my kids lived in so I could resume a more "normal" relationship with them but she promised to move if I came closer.  My attorney advised that the best thing I could do would be to get money for a court fight (if it came to that) and then move into her town and start a custody suit.

I moved across the country for a year when a good paying job opportunity came along.  I now have ample funds saved for a custody fight.  I also remarried during this time.  While away for a year I have flown back to visit my children every single month and have called them daily.  I flew them out for a summer visit with me.

I am now prepared to move to the town where my children live and demand more time with my children.  I have been dedicated and involved from the very beginning.  My ex wife knows I am moving back and has now indicated plans to move again shortly after I get there.

I'm not trying to take the children away from their mother... just ensure that I get 50% visitation and some way of keeping her from running off with my children again.

If you were me, what would you do?

[Davy]

Hop On ... it is best to post on one board ( ie Father Issues).

I should have suggested (on my other posting) to CONTINUE focusing on the welfare of the children.  It appears you and your children have a very winable cause of action should you decide to proceed.

[ocean]

You can file that she is not allowed to move more than 30 miles from her current address. We have that in our papers....

[Hop on Pop]

"You can file that she is not allowed to move more than 30 miles from her current address. We have that in our papers...."


How did you go about getting that filed?  Is it something you both agreed upon out of court and simply had notarized?  

[Kitty C.]

ALWAYS remember that NO agreement made out of court can be enforced.  It's difficult as it is to get the ones authorized by the courts to be enforced.  Even if you agreed to no move away, there's no way to enforce it unless you have it in a court order.  Only then, if the other parent violates it, can you take them to court for contempt.  And, depending on the severity of the contempt, you may have difficulty getting the court to back it up.  In other words, get EVERYTHING you want in a court order.  Notarization of a written agreement (unless it's implemented into a court order) isn't worth the paper it's printed on when custody issues are involved.

[gabes_mom]

My husband's ex wife did something similar.

Original custody agreement stated that the custodial parent (the ex wife) couldn't move minor children more than 200 miles from county of jurisdiction. This was a court order.

When the ex told DH that she was going to move (with the kids) over 500 miles one way from our county they went to court. She was allowed to move, visitation was set up, and DH was basically told that there was nothing he could do to stop her move and since he had not attorney there was not custody change made. Basically judge refused DH primary custody because the kids mom wanted to move out of state to shack up with her boyfriend.

So even when your divorce decree states something like a specified amount of miles that you can live within in the end the judge likely won't enforce such a stipulation b/c it directly interferes with her first amendments rights. This was the reasoning the judge gave us on the day he let my step kids move over 500 miles away.

 

[mistoffolees]

>So even when your divorce decree states something like a
>specified amount of miles that you can live within in the end
>the judge likely won't enforce such a stipulation b/c it
>directly interferes with her first amendments rights. This was
>the reasoning the judge gave us on the day he let my step kids
>move over 500 miles away.
>

Judge is wrong. The courts can easily set restrictions on what you can do or where you can live.  More importantly, they don't have to set limits on where the parent lives. They can simply say "we don't care where you move, but the kids are staying where their friends, family, etc are, so if you want to move, the kids stay with their other parent. YOU decide whether you want to exercise that right to move". This does actually happen some times.

However, you're right that it doesn't always happen that way. Any family court order is subject to change by the judge, so if the CP can convince the judge that it's in the child(ren)'s best interest for the move to occur, they're going to change the order to allow it to occur.  I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's what happens MOST of the time (at least when one parent already has primary physical custody).

[Hop on Pop]

On August 26th, the date of this original message that I posted to the group, I also sent an email to my former wife stating that I wanted to open up a dialogue about ways that we could mutually agree upon to increase my time with my children after my relocation.  My attorney had suggested that by writing this cordial email to her, it would "smoke her out" and cause her to realize that I was determined to enjoy more than 4 days a month with my children after I moved to their town.

That same night, I have recently come to discover, my former wife took one of my children, a 4 year old girl, in to social services and accused me of sexually molesting her.  It was the ultimately worst thing (or "smartest thing" ... from HER perspective) that she could do to try to thwart my relocation and increase of parental access to my children.

If any one can point me toward resources or forums that may deal with false accusations of sexual abuse I would appreciate it.

[mistoffolees]

I can't help with your specific request (there are probably articles on this site that might help), but just wanted to reassure you that this happens all the time - and judges know it happens all the time. That doesn't make it any less scary, but judges are used to false allegations and generally require reasonable proof. You'll get plenty of chance to examine and refute the 'evidence'.

The one plus is that if you can deflect this one, it may not stop her from making future claims but if she does, she's less credible every time.

Make sure you keep a copy of the email you sent with the date so you can point out the timing of her allegations.