The joys of an international internet romance *not*

[parrot221]

So,

I will make it as short as possible.  I met my ex at a young age online.  He was Australian, I am from Michigan.  Went to Australia, married had two kids.  He sends me back to Michigan after baby #2 is born.  Abandons me.  I never saw him again.  Filed for divorce (this is in 2005) and was granted divorce in 2006.  I was told that since he was in Australia, it was my responsibility to get a private investigator to track him down so that we could get a support order.  Well, needless to say, I did not have the means to do that.  I took care of my kids and he dropped off the face of the earth.  He calls me out of the blue back in 2007.  He had moved to Buffalo NY and bought a house there.  I asked him to please help me.  He said no and didn't want to see the kids either.  So I gave up.  I have recently found out that he is working as an accountant in San Francisco, CA.  He has a new family, house, a new life.  It's not so much about the money as it is about doing what is right.  I am married again to a wonderful man who loves my kids like his own and we have a comfortable life.  I am just wanting to do the right thing.  I am torn.  Should I let him get away with this?  Or do I file an order here in Arizona and get what I can for these boys.  I also want to add that our youngest son (baby #2 with the Aussie) is full blown autistic and requires special care).  My husband gives everything he has.........

[ocean]

You can but risk that he or a judge will order a visitation schedule. With a new wife and kids he may be  ready to ask for time with them.
You can ask for child support, medical coverage and percentage of out of pocket health costs, half of educational costs and half of activities for both kids.
Maybe send him a message stating that xx has special needs and you need some help. You would prefer to do it out of court. Please get back to you by a certain date or you will file in family court. YOu can file yourself in family court for a child support order.

[parrot221]

Thanks for the advice.  I have been trying to settle this out of court for 10 years now.  My ex is an expert at dodging child support though.  He knows the extent of our son's illness because I had a phone conversation about it with him.  He is also extremely adamant about not seeing the boys.  He said that they don't know him and he does not want to see them at all.  It is a very sad situation.  The child support person here in Arizona told me that because he has not seen the boys in 10 years (since they were small babies), chances are that a judge will probably not grant visitation even though he will have to pay.  I guess I'm torn because it's a can of worms that I am wondering if I should open.

[MixedBag]

Are all your children's needs being met?

Would your new husband be open to adopting your children?

Is there any advantage to this?

How are the boys doing -- with all of it?